


Phoenix

by Topytta



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Btw Sorry, Did I say angst? Cause there's lots, F/M, Fem! Hinata Shouyou - Freeform, Fluff, I cried writting this, I like to make people suffer it seems, Insults, KageHina - Freeform, NOT genderbend, Poor child Kageyama, Swearing, Transgender, Transphobia, iwaoi - Freeform, more than once
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2017-09-01
Packaged: 2018-09-11 04:50:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 46,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8954287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Topytta/pseuds/Topytta
Summary: Kageyama Tobio's dream has come true.He's a setter on Japan's National Team, and has played as a regular many times. It is now his third year playing for Japan, and his coach has told him that he'll probably be chosen to play in the next World Cup.But for some reason, his dream isn't as perfect as he imagines, and even though he gets to play Volleyball a lot, there's still something missing.It may be the fun his high school partnerand best friend, who Kageyama hasn't seen for years, used to bring, but he refuses to admit such a thing.Suddenly, he meets this beautiful red haired girl who looks exactly like Hinata, asks her for a date and before he can even realize he's surrounded with high school memories and a bittersweet past.Will Kageyama find happiness once again? Or will he loose himself even more?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey!
> 
> Hope you like this story, I don't remember how I got this idea, but it has been hangign around my mind for month before I summoned the guts to write it.  
> Also, sorry if you're transgender and this story ofends you in some way, it doesn't mean to be ofended. Please tell me if you feel there's something that needs to be changed (because it's offensive). That is really not my intention.  
> Also credits to http://risualto.tumblr.com/ for doing the editing part of the story! She helps me lots with my grammar and gives lots of advice.
> 
> Please enoy, leave kudos or a comment if you like!

Serve. Recieve. Toss.

A quick attack? A broad? A quick? Back attack?

At the other side of the net, blockers number eight and six seem too conscious of their number two.

"Back attack, then," and tosses the ball right above his head. “Perfect,” he thinks with a grin, time moving slower than usual  
The spiker hits it and... their libero reacts. The ball doesn't hit the floor and his teammate yells an apology.

-Don’t mind!- he finds himself saying, pure habit.

The sound of snickers against the wooden floor calms him down. He knows of players who get frustated by the noise at the court: the cheering fans, the periodists, announcer, other players' yells. Kageyama loves it.

He lifts his gaze to see the other team's spiker in the air.

–One, two, three, and...!– They jump, trying to block that spike. But it the force is too much and they're unable to smack it down.

–One touch!– yells number eight at his side.

He heards another yell, saying, –Block out!– but he's already on it, running to the side of the court where the ball will fall.

If he passes the ball to another player, then he won't be able to play. But he can't let anyone take it at this point, already under the ball. So he yells, –Ushijima!– to their ace as he jumps and tosses the ball (memories of Oikawa's last High School toss to Iwaizumi dance in his mind).

He is falling when he hears the spike hitting the floor and smiles. How was the match going? Last time he checked, they were losing for two points, their rivals on their match point.

"Deuce," he thinks with a smirk.

And then, he lands.

Pain rushes through his right foot and he falls to the floor. Kageyama looks at his foot angrily, as if it would change his situation.

His teammates are celebrating the point, and only notice him when the locutor mentions that, –Something's wrong with Japan's setter, Kageyama Tobio.–

Suddenly, the whole stadium turns to see him, and he feels pressure to get up. With some struggle, he does.

–I'm fine,– Kageyama says, but when he puts weight on his feet, pain hits him like a train and he lets out a small cry.

–No, you're not,– says Hibarida Fuki, his coach, entering the court. –Go get that checked.–

–I can still play,– Kageyama complains desperately, but he already knows he won't be able to.

–It's just a practice match, and I don't want you to get hurt more than you already are. Go to the infimary or I'll make you.–

His tone is dead serious and Kageyama bites his tongue.

Eventually, he starts walking out of the court and some assistant comes to help him. He lets half of his weight fall on the guy and leaves with defeated eyes.

When he starts paying attention to his surroundings once again, Tobio realizes he's in the infimary, sitting on a cot, alone.

He can't stop himself from focusing on the match, as he waits. He could be out there, playing, if it wasn't for a small twisted ankle.

He hears voices outside and straightens his back.

–Please,– says a desperate female voice. –Take care of this one.–

–I can’t, I have to go,– a male voice answers.

-Please,– she begs again.

–Just go do your job,– the voice says roughly, and Kageyama hears footsteps walking away.

Time stops before the door opens and the doctor finally comes to see him. Kageyama meets her gaze and times stops.

He feels his heart racing and pounding hard against his chest, the way it does when he's playing voleyball and a deluge of memories strikes him.

Because the doctor is a small, red-headed girl who looks so much like... him..., that Kageyama needs to move his gaze away from from her before is too late. Because she's stunningly beautiful with red curls falling over her shoulders and pale skin matching her doctor´s coat. She's wearing glasses with a blue mark, and her golden eyes shine through them, big and wild. "Too late," Kageyama thinks as he realizes he can't stop looking at her, he can't move his gaze. She's so much like that person... She looks like the memories Kageyama has of him, his best friend, his volleyball partnet, his, his... his Hinata.

He must be crazy. He must be imaginig it. That's it, he's missing Hinata, so now he's imaging this red haired doctor looks like him, just because of her hair color. That's it, that's definitely it.

–Hi,– she greets him with a smile, and Kageyama wants to cry because, fuck, it looks exactly like Hinata's. –You are Kageyama Tobio, correct? –

Her voice is soft and sweet, and Kageyama finds himself comparing it to Hinata's. It's nothing like Hinata's voice yelling in a match, wild and loud. And then there's Hinata's voice when they're alone. He remembers that night while the whole team was sleeping: "Dumbass, go to sleep already," and, "I can't, Kageyama-kun!"

"Don't compare it to Hinata's, dumbass," he tells himself, confused and a little angry.

The doctor is looking at him, waiting for an answer, and Kageyama nods embarassed.

“Didn't he have a sister?”, he finds himself remembering because the resemblance is too great. But hell, what are the chances? And he would definitely recognize Natsu if he saw her, definitely.

–What happend to you?– she asks.

–My ankle,– Kageyama answears bluntly. His voice comes out raspy and dry from all the yelling at the game, and he discovers that he had forgotten about it. Has it already ended? They had lost the first set, if they lost this one too...

–Does it hurt if I move it like this?–

–N-no,– Kageyama said, blushing, and then got angry at himself for being so fucking stupid. "She's just touching your foot."

–Like this?–

–No,– he repeats.

–And like thi-

Kageyama lets out a small cry and the girl laughs.

–I'll take that as a yes.– She's smiling teasingly and damn, she's cute and Kageyama is a blushing mess.

Why is he like this? He was a fucking grown up man. 25 years old, blushing at the infirmary because his doctor is cute. And looks like his best friend.

“Ex-best friend,” he corrects himself bitterly.

–It's a small twist, Kageyama-kun.- Her voice was soft as she said his name and Kageyama blushed, again. -Put some ice patches on it to reduce the swelling, and no physical activity for a week.–

–A whole week!?– Kageyama complains.

–A whole week,– she said, nodding and turning around to look for some bandages. –And that means no volleyball, no tosses, no anything.–

Kageyama lets out a weird groan.

–What was that?– she says laughing, as she gebtly wrapped up his ankle.

Kageyama felt embarrassed. –I can’t survive a week without volleyball.–

–Well you'll have to!– she laughs again, finishing with his foot. -If the swelling gets worse come see me, but it won’t unless you do any kind of activity.– She is now writting something in her notebook as she speaks –Come in a week and I’ll tell you if you can resume your training. Oh, and drop by in a day or two for a checkout.-

–Thanks,– Kageyama answers, moving his foot slowly. It hurt less now.

He jumped from the cot and walked to the door, anxious to know about the match results. "I hope they let me play," he thought, "If the match's still on."

But for some reason, he stopped in the doorway, unable to move or get the girl's face out of his mind.

She was cute, like, really cute. Though, it wasn't like Kageyama cared about appearence so much. She had something that made the boy unable to stop thinking about her. Maybe it was because of her resemblance to Hinata, or maybe it was just that Kageyama missed Hinata so much he saw him in her. "Hell no," he told himself bitterly. "I'm not missing that dumbass."

Even so, he turned around, and looked at her for a few seconds before reacting.

-Can I ask you something?- Kageyama said.

She mumbled a something in the affirmative without lifting her head from the papers, red curls covering her face.

-What's your name?- he asks her tentatively.

-Shizuku,- she says lifting her head with a smile. Her curls move wildly with her head and Kageyama is amazed by how beautiful she is once again. He gulps, trying to find some courage.

-Would you go out with me, Shizuku?-

 


	2. Chapter 2

The bus stopped and Kageyama got out.

The streets were full of people, moving in all ways. Lots of diferent and new faces appearing and walking out of his sight again. People he didn’t care about, at all.  
Strangers.

His phone started buzzing and he picket it out of his pocket. “Oikawa Tooru, two new messages”.

He read them while walking, bumping into one or two persons.  
“Hurry up Tobio! We’ve been here for like, an hour!”, and “HURRY UP”

They were fifteen minutes. But Oikawa-san tend to exagerate things up.

Kageyama turned around the corner and saw the man standing outside the restaurant, gaze in his phone.

It was nightime and his figure was subtly iluminated by the lamps of the city. Kageyama looked up while walking, hoping to see any stars, but they were all hiding behind the lights of the city.

-Tobio!-, Oikawa-san complained when he arrived.- You left me alone with Ushiwaka and his brute Friends!-

-They are out teamates, Oikawa-san-, Kageyama corrected.

-Our brute teamates then! Five more minutes and I would’ve killed them!-

Kageyama mumbled an apology as they entered. He’d learnt apologising was the easiest way to deal with Oikawa (also, there was Iwaizumi’s aggresive way, but Kageyama wouldn’t be able to pull that off). 

Oikawa had been selected for the National team first. When Kageyama entered, he already got along with the team and was able to pull efficent tosses to them. Kageyama feared he wouldn’t be able to fit in, but as a member of the team Oikawa collaborated with him, and somehow they were able to leave their rivality in the past behind (tought, saying it like that makes it seem simple, and anyone can tell it wasn’t simple at all). 

Now, thanks to Oikawa’s insistance, Kageyama could say they were something alike friends. They hanged around after practice together or went to have some drinks with the team.

Bokuto Kotaro, the former Fukurodani ace, had also made it into Japan’s team. When they first saw each other, Bokuto bobmed Kageyama with questions about Hinata, like “How’s my number 1 disciple going?” and “When will he come too?”.  
After hearing how Kageyama hadn’t seen him since High school, he decided Kageyama was going to be his new number 1 disciple (well, he got into dejected mode first).  
And it became pretty hard, taking in mind that Kageyama was a Setter and Bokuto a Wing Spiker.

And now, sometimes Oikawa invited Iwaizumi (they were dating now), Bokuto forced Akaashi Keiji, formed Fukurodani Setter and now his roomate, and they all went for a drink together.

-Hey, Hey, Hey Kageyama-kun!- Bokuto greeted him with his loud voice, while getting up. He was clearly drunk, wich rised his leves of loudness a 50%, and made everyone want to kick him. 

After going out with Bokuto a couple of times, Oikawa and him discovered he had diferent drunks stages. First he got loud and carefree, like a normal drunk. But then he got into some weird big dejected mode and started wimping and crying and they had to call Akaashi for help.

-You should stop drinking, Bokuto- Ushijima said. 

There were five persons in the table: Ushijima Wakatoshi, the team’s Ace. Hoshiumi Kourai, the Little spiker guy he met at the Japan’s youth training camp (he made it into national team after all), who was drunk as hell and fighting with Kiryu, another half-drunk spiker. Sakusa Kiyoomi, who didn’t seem to enjoy being with the drunkheads at all. And Bokuto.

-Where’s Miya?-asked Oikawa as they sit.

-With a chick- answered Sakusa. His voice was angry and had a face of extreme bother. Sakusa didn’t drink, and every time the team went out he would complain how stupid they were and decide he would never go out with them again.

But then, he did go out with them again, so nobody belived him.

Oikawa poured beer on a cup and gave it to Tobio, and then did the same for himself.

-Kageyama-kun, is your leg okay?- Ushijima asked. Tobio looked at him confused until he remembered the match.

-Oh, yeah. It’s just a small twist. They gave me one week-.

-Hahahaha, Tobio-chan! It’s my perfect chance to take the team and kick you out-, Oikawa teased, the beer making effect. He had a really low alcohol tolerance.

-I’d rather you didn’t, Oikawa-san-.

-Then, I will- a voice said behind him. Kageyama turned around to see Miya Atsumu with a smirk, and groaned.  
He didn’t like that guy, since the first training camp when he called him ‘goody two shoes’.Not in the way he used to ‘not like Tsukishima’, because Deep down he did like Tsukishima. This guy was just annoying, no Deep like feelings at all.

-Hey! Don’t groan me!-, he complained while sitting next to Tobio. He picked the beer and started pouring himself a drink.

-What happend Atsumu-kun? Did you got rejected?- Oikawa teased.

-Hell no. I rejected her-.

-Really? Because from here it looked like her boyfriend reject you-, Sakusa said with a smirk.

Miya choked on his beer. –Well yeah, she had a boyfriend. Any of you has a girlfriend so you can’t complain-

-I have a boyfriend- Oikawa said.

-And I have Akaashi- Bokuto said.

-I don’t think that counts, Bokuto-san. Akaashi is your roomate-. Kageyama said.

-For now. I’l totally charm him by the next World Cup-

Oikawa, Miya and Sakusa laughed.

-Hey! It’s true! You’ll see, Keiji will be standing in the front line of the public, with a huge card saying ‘I love you Koutarou!’, and I’ll kiss him every time I spike-.

This time, Kageyama laughed too, because Akaashi and Bokuto were the kind of persons who would totally pull that off. Except Oikawa and Kageyama, the rest of the team only knew Akaashi for the times he had to come pick up a drunk Bokuto, or when he was invited to the team’s hang outs (and perhaps remember his from the Nationals, the Fukurodani setter who would make the Ace work).

Everybody thought Akaashi was a seriour calm and quiet guy, complete opposite of Bokuto. But Akaashi was really dork. He was a quiet guy, so the first time Kageyama saw him make a joke he stared surprised. And then, he laughed his limbs out because Akaashi was really fricking funny. And he loved Bokuto’s puns no matter how bad they were. And always laughed at Bokuto’s pranks.  
And, was actually madly in love with him, but kept as a secret because he was afraid of ruining their friendship.

And forced Oikawa and Kasgeyama on promising not to tell, so Tooru always tried to create situation where they would confese to each other and somehow always failed.

“How can they be so fucking oblivious?!”, he complained all the time and Kageyma lifted his shoulders in response.

-It sounds pretty good- Oikawa said, talking about Bokuto’s dream.-  
And I’wa-chan will be standing next, yelling: Go Tooru dear! Killer serve!-.

Kageyama laughed, trying to imagine Iwaizumi doing such a thing.

-What about you, Kageyama? Who will be cheering for you?- Bokuto asked. The question surprised him.

The face of the red haired doctor appeared in his face and he blushed.

-There’s no way Kageya-

Oikawa interrumped Miya. –Are you blushing?- He asked leaning close to Kageyama and he blushed even harder. He felt the need to cover his face with his hands, but he coudn’t do that because it would be lamer.

-You totally are blushing! Guys, Kageyama is blushing!- Oikawa started yelling.

-Shut the fuck up- Kageyama said angry and embarrased. 

Oikawa just laughed. -You have someone! You want to be cheered from!-.

-Hell no we haven’t even dated yet- Kageyama answered and the whole table looked at him in shock (except for Hoshiumi and Kiryu who were still fighting).

-Kageyama!- Bokuto yelled exited.- Kageyama is in love!-.

-Is that even posible?- Miya asked confused.

-I’m not in love- Kageyama groaned. –I just met her-.

-It’s a she!- Oikawa-san yelled surprised- Tobio-chan I thought you were gay!-.

-What?!- yelled Kageyama surprised and the whole table bursted in laughter. –Why would you…, What made you…, What the fuck Oikawa!?-

-It’s just that, you were so close to shrimpy I always thought you had a crush on him!-.

Kageyama blushed. He totally had a crush on Hinata. But he wasn’t gay! Well, maybe he was gay. But he also liked girls! That made him Bi? It was just a High School crush and fuck, Kageyama didn’t had the time to sort this out right now.

-I’m not gay- he said. Probably.

-Who is it?- Bokuto asked. –Do we know her?-.

-I don’t know- said Kageyama unsure. –We aren’t even dating I just asked her out-.

-Who?!- Oikawa and Bokuto yelled together.

Kageyama got nervous. If he told them who she was, they would totally realice his High School crush. No, there was no way he could tell them he asked the Red Haired doctor from the infimary out, they probably knew her and knew she looked exactly like Hinata.  
Oikawa would tease him forever. 

Kageyama didn’t even know why he asked her. It was in the spur of the moment and he regreted his words the exact moment he said them. I mean, what if she asked him why? “Because you look exactly like my High School crush”. She would think he was a freak (He was, a freak).

“Wait, it gets better. He’s a boy”.

The guys were waiting and Kageyama was getting nervous. “Some girl you know”, he told himself. But the problem is he didn’t know any girls! “Just give a name, danm!”

-Remember Yachi Hitoka, my manager from High School?-. He regreted it the moment he said it. What the hell was he doing, using Yachi’s name like that! Well, at least she was in Miyagi, so…

-You’ve got a date with her!?-, Oikawa yelled. –How the fuck Kageyama! She was really cute!-

-Nice one Kageyama! When?-, Bokuto asked

-We decided to hang out on Saturday- the guy explained.

-That’s in, like, two days! Do you even know how dates work?- Miya teased, and Kageyama throwed him a deadly glare.

He wanted to say he did, but honestly he hadn’t a fucking clue. He had gone to some dates and had a girlfriend five years ago. But it was a long time ago, and he forgot how the thing worked.

-Wait, wait. When did this happend?- Oikawa asked confused.

“Technically, today. But I told you a total fake story, so…”

-Last Sunday- Kageyama said.

-And why didn’t you tell us?!- Oikawa yelled angrily.

“Beacue I didn’t know it beacuse it didn’t happend”

-It isn’t such a big deal-

-It totally is a big deal- Bokuto yelled. –We thoguht you were going to die virgin!-

-I’m not virgin- Kageyama complained.

-Yeah, keep saying that-, Miyu teased and Kags throwed him another deadly glare.

-I have to call Akaashi!-, Bokuto said standing up, with his cellphone in the hand.

-And I’m calling Iwa-chan!-, Oikawa repeated.

-Its not like I’m marring someone!-, Kageyama yelled at them, bothered. But they were already in the restaurant’s garden.

Kageyama groaned. 

-Good luck with your date, I guess-, Sakusa said akwardly.

-Thanks-, Kageyama mumbled picking his phone to chek the hour. 1:49.

-I’m heading home- He said, taking his wallet out of his jeans and leaving some cash in the table. –If Bokuto gets any drunker call Akaashi-.

-So soon?- Hoshiumi asked. Kiryu had fallen asleep and the little guy payed attention to the last pieces of the conversation.

-He’s a married guy now, Kourai- Miya teased and Kageyama ignored him.

He had to get out now, while Bokuto and Oikawa were gone, or they would never let him.

-Goodnight- mumbled Ushijima and he answered the same way.

When Kageyama left the building, the cold air of the night surrounded him. He didn’t realice how hot was in there until the breeze moved his hairs and touched his red cheeks from the beer. He wasn’t drunk, just a little dizzy.

He started walking to his apartment, thinking about Shizuku.

Even though he felt stupid for asking her out, he decided he wouldn’t care.  
It was just a date! If it didn’t worked, he would never see her again (only for his foot’s chekouts, but that would be like five minutes of unconfort, maximum.

He lifted his gaze to look for some stars, and while he wasn’t paying attention, bumped into someone. He looked down to see a small blonde girl in the floor.

-Sorry-, he said, ofering her a hand to get up.

But when she lifted her face, both of them froze.

-Yachi?- Kageyama asked confused.

-Kage.. Oh my god Kageyama is you!- she stood up with a jump and hugged the boy. Kageyama froze again, not knowing what to do with his arms.

-It’s been so long! How are you?- She asked exited.

Kageyama could not believe it. He could not believe it. He was panicking, definitly panicking. His head was yelling, “Abort mission, abort mission”.  
“I wish I could die in this exact moment”

-F-fine-, he answered nervous. –And you?-

-Everithing’s asome! I didn’t knew you were in Tokyo, I movent out two years ago for college!-

-I’ve been here since High School- Kageyama answered nervous.

-Japan’s National Team! Right!- She said exicted. -I saw one of your matches on TV, Kageyama you’re so good! I’m so pruod!-

“You woudn’t be so proud if you knew how I used you name minutes before…”

-Right, thanks-, the boy said akwardly. He looked behind. What if any of the boys saw him? What if they decided to come and talk?!

-Yachi-san, I’ve got to go, someone’s waiting for me. It was really nice to see you-, he said nervous.

-Oh, right! Sorry for keeping you busy! Could we hang out sometime?- she asked with a smile.

-Sure- mumbled Kageyama.

-Let’s Exchange phone nunmbers!-. She sai exited. Kageyama gave her his cellphone and she adressed her contact. Then, Kageyama did the same with her phone.

-Goodbye Yachi- Kageyama said waving.

-Bye!- She answered with a smile.

The boy walked to the corner before turning back. She was already lost between the crowd, no one he knows close.

Kageyama sighted and wished for her to stay away from the restaurant.

 

\--------

Yachi picked her phone, big grin on her face, and pressed te first person on her phone calls list.

-Hello, Hina-chan?- she asked with her soft voice. –You won’t believe who I just ran into!


	3. Chapter 3

Kageyama woke up feeling like crap, for three different reasons.

The fisrt one, he didn’t sleep shit. Well, he did sleep, because if he hadn’t sleep he wouldn’t have been able to wake up either. So he slept, but not the necessary amount of time.

And why hadn’t he sleept? Well that’s what leads us to the second reason.

About two days ago, Kageyama made a one-second decision that he regtrets deeply: He asked a girl out.

He doesn’t even knows why he did it, but somehow his body acted without consulting it why him first. So now he had a date with Shizuku, his traumatologist, a beautiful red haired girl.

And the problem with it was, that Kageyama didn’t do dates. He had spent his 27 years of life filling his brain with Voleyball, and that stupid brain of his had no idea how people acted on dates.

He could ask his senpai Oikawa for advide, but his pride was too big for him to do such a thing.

So that left him with lots of nerves and anxiety.

And the third reason wasn’t related at all. His cat, Karasu, was in heat, and the whole night he could hear some stray cats meowing at the window, keeping him from sleep.

Kageyama yawned. A small sunbeam pierced the courtain and landed right on his face, warming his cheeks. The man got off from his bed and started tidying the sheets. He liked to have everithing organized.

Once he finished, Tobio fed the cat, then went to the bathroom and took a shower. He dressed himself with jeans and a blue hoodie (his favorite), and went to the kitchen for some cereal.

Kageyama picked his phone up, and found two next messages from Oikawa. The first one was a photo, with the text: “Already replaicing you Kageyama-kun!”, and “Upps, Choach–san saw me. Seems angry. Bye!”

Kageyama started writing a reply, then deleted it, then wrote it again. He stared at the screen a few seconds before giving up and sending the message: “Oikawa-san, please call me when training’s done”.

As much as he hates asking Oikawa for advice, he didn’t wanted to ruin his date either. 

-Is the only thing you can do-, he tried to reassure himself, but was’t completely sure.

To kill some time until training was done, Tobio ate his breakfast while watching the sports channel. His little cat, Karasu, jumped in the sofa next to him and cuddled at his side, purring.

Karasu was the first and only animal Kageyama has ever taken care of. Not because he didn’t like pets, the other way around. All animals hated him, cats hissed at him when the boy passed by and dogs barked. Once, when he was at the park, a group of pidgeons tried to attack him and since then Kageyama never visits that park again.

The phone rang and Kageyama picked it.

“¿Kageyama? Are you okay?”, a known voice asked at the other side of the phone.

“Mmh, yeah? Of course? By the way, hi Oikawa-san”

“Tobio! You asshole, I was worried!”

“Why would you be worried?”

“The message you sent me, perhaps? ‘Please call me when the training’s done’, I thought it was something serious!”

“What gave you that idea? If it were to be something serious, I would’ve been more insistent about it”.

‘And I wouldn’t asked you for help’, he thought, but didn’t say that.

“Well, yeah, but you never reply to my messages! You never message, to be clear. I was worried!”

“I’m sorry, Oikawa-san. Nothing happened”

“Gezz, I ran out in the middle of practice, you know? Coach got mad at me…” 

“Well, you clearly overreacte-“

“I’m hanging up”

“Wait! No! I still have something to ask you!”

“What is it?”

“Mhhn, could you maybe come to my home and we talk about it? It’s kinda embarrasing…”

“I got kicked out of training for you, make it quick or I hang up”

“Okay, okay, don’t hang up. I need you help…”

“You already said it”

“Geez, I’m on it, okay? It’s embrras-“

“You also already said that. And I told you to make it quick, so”

“¡I need dating advice!”

“W-what?!”

“I need dating advice or my date with Shi- I mean Yachi-san!”

There was a silence for a couple of seconds, untild Oikawa bursted out in laughter.

“Hey! Don’t laugh!”

“Tooru-chan you’re pathetic!”, he said between giggles. “Dating adive, you really are lame aren’t you!”

“Hey, cut it out. It’s not lame, I’m just not used to dating and stuff”.

“Lameee”

“Better than dating lots of girls to end up being rejected don’t you think?”

“No Kageyama-kun, no. Dating tons of girls is always better than asking for dating advice, you can’t even tease me right. You’re lame”.

“Okay, okay. I really like this girl, so could you tell me yes or no and stop making fun of me?”

“Gezz Kageyama-kun, you’re no fun. I’ll help you, I’ll go to your place when training is done”

“If coach let’s you go back to practice”, Tobio pointed out, and Oikawa hung up.

 

Kageyama wasn’t sure how much time passed when his dorbell rang. It had to ring many times, because ha had falled asleep in the couch. His cereals had falled to the floor, all over the carpet. Tobio jumped, running to find something to clean it, while the doorbell kept ringign several times.

-¡Damn it Oikawa I’m coming, could you stop with the fucking bell!- he yelled, but the sound didn’t stop at all. Propably, because he lived in a fifth floor, so there was no way he would hear him. He ran to the door and pressed the code to open the door downstair, without even cheking the camera to see who was it. If he did, he wouldn’t have sufered for the next hours as much as he did.

He had already taken the cereals out of the carpet when somebody knoked at his door (There was a little stain left, but at least no more yogur). He went to the door and opened it, to find a bigger amount of visitant than expected.

-Kagekaya-san! It’s been so long!-, yelled Bokuto making his way into the apartment. Akaashi, Iwaizumi, and then at last Oikawa entered after him.

-What the…Oikawa-san! You were supposed to come alone!-

-Who said that? You never metioned it…-

-It was implied!-

-No it wasn’t-, he teased sitting in Kageyama’s couach. When Oikawa got closer, Karasu hissed and ran to the kitched. Another reason to love that cat: she hated Tooru. Well, she hated pretty much everyone instead of Kageyama, but hating Oikawa Tooru is something animals didn’t do. She was unique.

-C’mon Kageyama, this is the kind of thing you need to talk with the hole gang- Bokuto said.

-We aren’t a gang-, Kageyama complained, and Bokuto gasped.

-How dare you!-, Oikawa exclamed offended.

-We may not be a ‘gang’, but we’re still your friends and wanna help you-, Iwaizumi said.

-You can’t get rid of us!-, Bokuto said with a smile. –We’re like hemorrhoids-

-You can get rid of hemorrhoids-, Akaashi objected.

-Akaaashi! Support me once!-

-You can’t get rid of us, Kageyama-san, we’re-

-It’s too late, Akaashi!-

-Geez guys you’re wasting time- Oikawa interrumpted them. –Let’s focus on the deal here: Tobio-chan’s lameness-

-Hey!-, Kageyama complained.

-Soo, Tobio-chan. What advice do you need from your senpais?-

-As I said, dating advice-, he answered plainly.

-Well, yeah, but on what- Iwaizumi comtinued. –Like, what doubt do you have?-

-What do you do in a date?- he said directly.

-You don’t even know that?!-, Oikawa asked surprised.

-If I did I wouldn’t be asking-

-Woah Kageyama, you really are lame-, he teased.

-You take her out to eat, or go to the movies maybe- Iwaizumi explained.

-That’s it?- Kageyama asked.

-Well, yeah-

-But, how do you act?-

-What do you mean by that?-

-What do you do? How do you find themes of conversation with a stranger? How do you make it nice and funny?-

-Nice and funny?- Bokuto teased.

-She isn’t a stranger to you though-, Akaashi pointed out and kageyama rembembered they thought he was seeing Yachi.

-Emm, n-no,no I mean, I haven’t seen her for years it’s like a stranger-

-Ask her about her life, how’s she been doing, where is she working-.

“I already know where she‘s working”, Kageyama thought to himself.

-That’s it?-

-Well, the conversation it’s supposed to flow, you know?-

-Yeah- he anwered. He didn’t know.

-Being Kageyama’s poor social skills, I bet she will do all the talking- Oikawa pointed out.

-Hey!- Kageyama complained, but there weren’t listening to him.

-You’re right! Kageyama, you have to talk too!- Bokuto agreed.

-My social skills aren’t poor!-, he said and they laughed at him. Even Tobio felt like he was saying a lie when he said it.

-Ah, Kageyama! You should take her to that new café in front of the lion Park! I hear they have really good cakes-, Oikawa pointed out.

-Thanks- he mumbled unsure.

-All girls like sweets, so it’ll be a really good place-.

-I think we aren’t focusing on the important thing here-, Iwaizumi pointed and everyone looked at him.

-What are you going to wear?- he asked.

Kageyama looked at him confused. –Black jeans, and my blue hoodie, I think-.

Oikawa patted Iwaizumi in the back -You are right Iwa-chan, we almost forgot Kageyama’s horrible taste in clothes-.

-I don’t have a terrible taste! I just wear normal!-

-You have a terrible hability to choose the right clothes for determinated situations, then- Akaashi said.

-That’s… Totally not true!- he answered doubtfull.

-You went to Yotamura-san’s wedding with black jeans and a sweater- Bokuto pointed out.

-It was a fancy sweater!- yelled. 

-Okay, okay, whatever makes you feel better-, Oikawa said as he stood up. –Come with me Iwa-chan, let’s go get something for him to wear-.

The dissapeared in Kageyama’s room, and the boy grumbled.

-It’s admiring the fact that you didn’t even realize your clothes were completely worng until we pointed it out at the end of the party-, Akaashi said.

-Oikawa was wearing a white tuxedo! I thought everyone was glaring at him!- 

Kageyama yelled again, and got up angry. He went to the kitchen to get some drinks, and pured juice in five glasses (He didn’t had any beer left and his guest didn’t have the idea to bring some). When he came back, he found Iwaizumi and Oikawa arguing about two sets of clothes. 

They pushed Kageyama in his room and made him try them .  
At the end everyone decided with Iwaizumi’s (Mainly because Kageyama said he liked Oikawa’s, so they completely denied that one).  
It was his typical black jeans and a green sweather, with a grey T-shirt under.

Around five o clock, Kageyama kicked them out with the excuse of having to get ready for the date, and thanked them.

-You better not ruin this Tobio-chan!- Oikawa told him.

-Good luck, Kageyama-, Iwaizumi said with a smile as the left.

It made Kageyama feel bad for lying to them, but now there was nothing to do. He would tell them if he got a second date, or something like that.

Once he was alone and he had cleaned his apartment, he went to get a shower. It was the second of the day, but Kageyama tend to shower when he was nervous. Before his first match as Japan’s setter, he spent half and hour in the gymnasium’s showers, until the Coach came and kicked him out of it and into warming up.

He got dressed with the clothes Iwaizumi had picked for him, and spent a few seconds glaring at his figure on the mirror. His hair was too long, he had to cut it soon.  
He tried dissapearing that serious-angry-face and smiled to the glass, but got a scary grin at the other side instead. 

Kageyama sighted, and left the bathroom. There was nothing to do with his face.

He checked the watch: One four and 40 minutes to go.  
He threw himself in the couch and picked that sports magazine he had been reading.

A soft ball of furr appeared on him lap and he smiled. 

-What do you think Karasu? Will I ruin this one?-

The cat didn’t answered, and Kageyama kept reading. One hour and 38 minutes to go.

God, couldn’t the time move faster?

No, second thought. 

Couldn’t the time move slower?

******

 

And so, there was Kageyama, dressed like Iwaizumi said, half an hour sooner, and just as nervous as the beginning. He crossed his arms, hoping he didn’t look as stupid as he felt, and decided to wait.  
Ten minutes passed when he wished he had bought a Sports Magazine on the way.

-Kageyama-kun?- a soft voice asked behind him. He turned around and there she was, Shizuku, his date. Her red curls were tied in a ponytail, and she was wearing a beautiful white dress. Well the dress wasn’t beautiful, she was. 

-It is Kageyama! Hello!-

-Shizuku, h-hi-, he answeared, hoping his face wasn’t too red. But then something in her hands caught Kageyama’s attention.

-Is that… a Voleyball Magazine?-

The girl suddently blushed. -Y-yeah-, she said nervous. -I came too early… and went on and bought it to read it while waiting. I didn’t knew you would come early too!-

-You like Voleyball?- Kageyama asked without believing it.

-Well, duh, of course I do. Why do you think I work as Japan’s Voleyball Team Traumatologist?-

Kageyama laughed. –Right, I didn’t tought that one-.

She looked at him surprised for a second.

-So…, where are you taking me?- she asked with a smile.

-There’s a cafe a few blocks from here, a friend of mine told me has some amazing cakes-

-Asome! I love sweets-, she gigled. Kageyama remembered Oikawa’s word, “All girls love sweets”.

Kageyama started walking the way to the restaurand, and Shizuku folowed at his side. Both of them got silence and Kageyama was afraid it would become akward, but it didn’t last too long.  
In fact there wasn’t any akward silence moments in the date at all. And the silences that happened, weren’t akward at all.

Shizuku talked a lot. But not in an annoying way.  
Kageyama didn’t wished for her to stop (maybe it was because her voice was really sweet, or because that way he wouldn’t have to talk, he couldn’t decide wich one was it). And somehow, between all the talking, she barely spoke about herself.  
She talked abot their surronding, how cute the restaurant was, or how funny that white dog with a scarf was.

-It looks like a Snowman!, No, A Snowdog!-

-What are you seeing? It toally doesn’t-

-It totally does!- she yelled exited. – I bet he even reacts to that name, Snowdog! Come here, Snowdog!-.

-W-wait-, Kageyama yelled embarrased -Everibody’s watching us-

-Hahahahaha, don’t be shy Kageyama-kun. Snowdog, come heree!-.

(The dog atually came, and followed them all the walk until the restaurant).

She made him lots of questions, about his life. At first he was pretty eager to talk, only answearing with short responses and senteces, some time with a single word. But then she asked about his team and friends and Kageyama spent almost one hour and a half complaining about Oikawa. And about Miya, and sometimes about Bokuto. It wasn’t mean, complaining, just letting out stress.

-Bokuto-san mood changes are soo hard to deal! He is way more calmed than in high school, but still I don’t know what to do when he gets into dejected mode. Once, we had to call Akaashi in the middle of a match!-

-Sounds hard to deal with-, she agreed.

-Yeah, but he’s a good player, and a good senpai-.

They also talked about Voleyball. And it wasn’t Kageyama the one that bringed that up! She did! He tried to restrain himself, because he didn’t want to overwhelm her and ruin their date talking about Voleyball. But still, she knew a lot, and was as pumped up about the conversation as the boy was.

It was an asome date. 

Even after Kageyama walked her to the station, went back home and went to sleep, he could still hear her voice. It was fast and soft, and it resonated in Kageyama’s mind, as it had’been carved there. He felt like, from that day on, her voice would never dissapear from his brain, and even if he never saw her again, that girl would still burn

He closed his eyes, and all he could see was red curls swinging in the wind. A beautiful white smile made of porcelain.

Even if he never saw her again, her presence would wander in his mind like a ghost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry fot taking so long to update! i had to write the chapter two times because I accidentaly deleted the first one, and it was really hard! I can't help but think that the first one was way better, ughh.
> 
> Well, hope you enjoy!


	4. Chapter 4

The next date was two days after. 

They went out for lunch this time, and met at the exact same place. It was as pleasing and outgoing as the first one, Kageyama getting lost in Shimizu’s funny talking and warm voice.  
They didn’t exchange phone numbers (and Kageyama was glad because he always forgot to answer), so they just arranged an hour and a time and simpy met.

Kageyama would take her out and pay the dinner (he insisted, she complained). Every time they met, he believed even more that she was a sun.

As they walked, people stared at her, like they weren’t able to believe such a magical person was walking among normal people. When they were at the park, all dogs wanted her to pet them, and even kids asked her to play with them (and then, when Kageyama would get close and they’d run away, because animals and children hated him).  
She smiled to strangers, made friends with waitresses or sellers, and charmed every single life-being within a radious of ten meters.

Of course, behind her was Kageyama, glaring at every one of the guys whose stare ligered way oo much on her. (and once a girl). 

Tobio was sure, that if he got too close he would get himself burned. She was a fire, a living sun. Sometimes after a date, he had a strange feeling, of sadness and happiness at the same time. And he didn’t know what it was, but it felt so deep he was sure he got burned by her fire.

It even happened in a few dates, where Kageyama had to run and excuse himself to the bathroom because the fire in his chest burnt so painfully and, was he crying? There were falling from his eyes, but it had no sence. She had no sence. 

Common sence, or anything common didn’t apply to her. She was a mistery, even though she was always talking, Kageyama barely knew anything about her. He knew she had a sister, and that she lived with a friend she met in High School. He knew that she studied medicine in Tokyo’s University, and that she had three works 

-I never got a Scolarship, I’m pretty dumb. So I’m still paying college fee’s- she explained.  
And it kind of broke his heart.

But then, he forgot to ask what the other two jobs were, and she didn’t tell him.

He didn’t even know her last name.  
–Can I ask you sonething?–, Kageyama said one day, during one of his foot checkouts.

–Mnh, sure–, she answered surprised.

–What's your name?–.

-Shizuku?- she said confuses.

-Nono, your last name.

The girl lifted his gaze from his anckle and looked at him surprised. She put her hand on her chin, wondering and the answered.

–Naah. It's a secret–. She had that playful smile from before and put a finger in her lips.

-Not fair. You know mine-

-Well, I’m pretty sure evreyone in the building knows yours- she said.

–Let's make a bet–, Kageyama said with a smile.

She looked at him confused. –If I survive this week without playing Voleyball, you will tell me your name.

-And if you don’t?-

-I’ll buy you some hot buns?-

She laughed and acepted (Kageyama learnt she loved hot buns too on the third date).

It was on their forth date, that Kageyama discovered why he felt so sick after seeing her. What that feeling was.

I was Thursday, and Kageyama was really frustrated because during that day’s checkout, she was absent and another doctor came. The man told him that his knee wasn’t fine, and that he would have to wait another week to play Voleyball. He wouldn’t have gotten so angry and frustrated if Shizuku was the one to tell him, but she hadn’t gone to work that day and nobody knew why.

They had arranged a date that same day, and she apologized for Kageyama’s bad news 

-That man is an old sag… He’s always complaining, and always gives the athletes a weer more. I’m so sorry, I should’ve been there, I’m sorry-.

And a some point of the night they started talking about Voleyball, and it made Kageyama even more frustrated because he was sick of talking about Volayball! He wanted to play! Play!  
-We shouldn’t talk about Voleyball!- Kageyama complained. –Now I want to play…-

-No!- she almost screamed. –No playing! No Voleyball for Kageyama, not for a week.

Kageyama made a complaining noise, the same weird one he did for the first time at the girl’s infimary. –You are my traumatologist, you shouldn’t do this to me-

-Hey, I didn’t do anything, it’s your fault for getting so exited.

It was dark, and they were walking through the park heading for the train station.

-I can’t not play Voleyball for a week, I’m gonna die-, he complained hopeless.

-Oh, stop whining, If you die Oikawa-san will replace you.

Kageyama’s eyes burned for a second and he got his hope back, -Never!-

She gigled. –Tough, I wouldn’t be able to either¬-.

-Able to what?-

-Not playing for a week-, she answered with a smile  
-You play Voleyball?- Kageyama asks surprised and the girl suddently bluses.

-W-well, yeah- she says nervous. –Only a Little bit-

-Wich position?-

-Spiker-, she said with a smile-

-Really-, he said amazed. –I though you were a-

-Libero?- she interrumpted angrily. –You were going to say Libero right! Meany! Just because I’m small doesn’t mean I can’t jump!-

And then she covered her mouth scared, like she’d said something horrible, like she’d let out a secret.

And Kageyama saw a ghost. A memory from the past, a deja vu. A Little guy, running with all his speed, jumping with all his force. A little giant.

That was the sick feeling. 

Nostalgia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I won't be able to update soon because I'm going on a vacation, sorry!! Also sorry if the chapter's too short, next one 'll be a long one.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S BEEN 100 YEARS SINCE I LAST UPDATED!! My god I'm sooooooo sorry!!! I didn't took a three month vacation, I feel like I have to clear that up. But school started and I really left this work behind. I wasn't sure to update or not, because I'm not that good writting in english (It isn't my first leguage) and I didn't wanted to write badly.  
> Though the nice comments and the people waiting made me keep on it. 
> 
> So, thanks a lot for linking it! And I'm really sorry if you have been waiting all this time.
> 
> This chapter is a long and I really liked it so I hope you do too. Please tell me what you think about it. Oh, and I almost forgot, I sorry!!!!!! It took me like three months to update. I'll try to be more regular from now on, so please keep reading
> 
> Love you guys

-Remember that weird play Johenzi’s middle blocker pulled off?- the boy next to him asked.

It was a sunny afternoon during summer vacation. Rain was forecasted for the night, and a cool breeze made the day perfect for extra training, something Hinata and Kageyama had been avoiding the past days.  
So Shoyou made him toss a thousand balls before even calming down, like he had the need of spiking acumulated in his sistem.

-Yeah,- Kageyama answered softly. 

The were sitting on the strairs, in the entrance of the gym. It had been hours since his teamates had left, but they stayed training and, were now taking a break. It had became common for them, already in their third year, to end practices just sitting together and chatting.

Hinata took a sip from a bottle he was holding. –Do you think we can pull it off?-

-I don’t know, he seemed to do it by luck,- Kageyama asnwered.

There were winning the third game from the preliminars against Johenzi. The libero recieven the ball perfecly, and both setter and ace went for the ball. The first year setter spiked at the end and scored, but was scolded after.

-We can try,- Hinata insisted.

-We would need a skilled libero. And someone who knows how to toss.- Kageyama answered with a smile.

-Tsukishima can.- Hinata said.

-He won’t toss any of the balls to me though,- Kageyama pointed out and Hinata laughed.

-So, we know what to do for tomorrow’s practice?- He had a warm smile in his face.

-Yeah,- Tobio answered also smiling.

*****

 

Kageyama woke up by the unstopping beeping of his alarm.   
He felt the overwhelming need of murder, and used all his inner stenght not to throw his cellphone to the wall. Instead, he pulled the alarm off and covered himself with the sheets again, hoping he could go back to sleep.

Specially back to that dream.

But Kageyama wasn’t the kind to fall asleep again once he’s woken up, so after a couple of minutes he got out of bed grumbling.  
Hinata, by the other hand, was the kind to simply fall asleep whenever he felt tired, so it was common to find him sleeping anywhere after a turnament. Once the whole Karasuno team spent half an hour looking for him and coach Ukai scolded him all the way back to school in the bus. Then, on their way home, it was Kageyama who kept yelling at him.  
He remembers he was extremly angry, because he got really worked up when Hinata went missing. Tsukishima teased him for two months after that.

Why had he had that dream?

It was their last summer as high schoolers, and they had won the preliminars, ready to go to the nationals for a last time.

The day after that Kageyama and Hinata entered practice ready to pull the new strategy off, but Tsukishima totally rejected it saying it was too complicated.

That bastard.

Memories of his high school life were really precious to Kageyama. Somehow he was sure that he woulnd’ve enjoyed his youth soo much if he hadn’t been accompanied by Hinata.

He hadn’t dreamed of him for years.  
Why suddently now? It was probalby because his resemblence with Shizuku. They both had that outgoing, loud personality, and they looked really alike.

Hinata’s cousin? He had a sister, Natsu. Maybe Shizuku was Natsu? Somehow? But he would recognize Natsu if he saw her, he really liked her.   
So, back to: Hinata’s cousin? He didn’t knew a lot abut his family. He didn’t even knew his dad (He worked far, in Kanto, and only came home for the holidays).

Kageyama dressed into his usual running outfit and walked out. It were five o’ clock in the morning, the chilli breeze of the morning and the light-blue sky as the sun appears. Tobio wished he could say he was alone in an asleep city, but there were people in the streets going to work, and some going back home from partying.

Tobio started running in his usual route. He was a little carried away, running faster than he should, but he hadn’t done it in a week. During last night date, after the promise he’d made with Shimizu, the girl allowed him to go for a run (after all, she believed his ankle was fine already).

Even if it was only running, Kageyama felt free. Maybe it wasn’t voleyball, but after training so hard for years, he realized he needed physical activity to feel normal. This was his first injury, and gladly it wasn’t anything serious, because Kageyama was sure he wouldn’t have been able to endure it.

He could see his warm breath turn into steam in contact with the cold morning air. The streets got quiet as he entered a less urban part of the city.

Compared to Miyagi’s hills and steep streets, running in the city was way easier. But Kageyama found himself missing the feeling of strenght in his legs as he got closer to the top, that need of ‘one more step’, and that final moment when he felt finnaly made it. A sudden rush of aire hitting him in the chest, and then he was falling, feets hardly touching the earth and arms moving wildly, making his best effort not to fall.

He always smiled like a dumb in those mountains.

Kageyama realized he was running faster than he should, and started slowing down. His lungs were begging for air, and his legt burnt. Maybe it had been too much for his first run in a week.

He stopped and sat at the lace of the sidewalk, catching his breath. His heart was beating hard against his chest, and Kageyama smiled.

Since when had he became so melancholic with the past?

He had the life he always dreamed of. And he hade even more, because Oikawa, Iwaizumi and Akaashi were his friends, something he’d never imagined he’d have. And he had Shizuku. He didn’t knew what they were, but he had her, and her smile.

But still, when he closed his eyes, he could feel a deep regret at the botton of his stomach. And if he tried hard enough he could see that regret was Hinata. The fact that they parted ways. The fact that he never saw him again. The fact that he could be with Hinata right now, if just things had been different.  
But they weren’t, and now Kageyama felt like he’d abandoned Hinata and kept foward.

Kageyama got up and started running back to his apartment.

Once he arrived Tobio took a shower. Then he fed the cat, and realized he himself hadn’t eaten. He checked the stalls looking for cereals, but they were all empty, so Kageyama grabbed his jacket and hoped that Starbucks was open at these hours.

He had a local three blocks from his building, and he walked there. Around him, people walked with big coats, scarfs and gloves. Kageyama wasn those kinds of people who didn’t feel the cold, as he walked with a sweatshirt and a jacket only.

Hinata, on the other hand, was the most cold sensistive person in the world. He irradiated warm, cnstaltly jumping, running or just moving somehow. But when winter came, his body seemed to crave for warmth as he covered himself with layers and layers of clothes.

He always walked closer to Kageyama on cold days, on their way back from school. Once he even asked if he could hug him.

-What the fuck dumbas?- Kageyama answered embarrassed.

-Because Kageyama is always warm! Like your body doesn’t feel the cold at all!-

Tobio looked at the little boy next to him, and his pleading puppy eyes. -Just this time,- he gave up blushing.

They kept doing it the whole winter though.

He entered the local and a rush of warmth recieved him. There was a sleepy teenager in the courter, who suddently oppened his eyes when the bell at the door rang. Kageyama aproached him and asked for a coffee, with a few sandwiches.

-No milk?-, the guy asked looking oddly at him.

-No,- Kageyama answered simply.

He waited a few seconds until his order was ready and left the local, heading for his apartment once again.

Tobio first started drinking black coffee in his second year of high school. The Fukurodani group camp was close, and mid term exams were even closer. Hinata and him had spent the last three weeks studying together, but they always got distracted with something else.  
It was frriday, the weekend before exams week started, and Hinata and him realized they knew nothing.

So they boys organized a intensive study camp in Kageyama’s house, and spent those three days studying without stopping and without sleeping.  
Saturday night Kageyama was falling in the table with the book in the hand, when Hinata brought him the darkest, purest cup of coffee he had ever seen.

-Am I supposed to drink this?- he complained looking at the mug.

-If you want to stay awake.-

Kageyama took a slip and chocked with it. –It’s disgusting!-

-Oh Bakeyama, stop complaining. That coffee is just as sour as you are,- Hinata teased him.

At the end of the weeked, Kageyama loved black cofee, did horrible in almost all his tests, and didn’t sleep in a week.

He arrived once again at his apartment, and turned the tv on.

Kageyama spent the next hours in the couch, watching voleyball matches and zapping for some good show to enjoy. The problem with Tobio: he didn’t enjoy shows. He didn’t like films. He wasn’t that kind of guy who could spend the hole day in front of the tv, or next to a book.

He was the kind of guy who spent his whole life in a voleyball court, and the boredom was killing him.

When he was finally sick of doing nothing, he turned the tv off and started walking around in the apartment, looking for something to do. He read some magazines, played with the cat. He tried to teach her tricks and ended with lots of scratchs in his arms.

He had finally given up when the sound of a phone call drawed his attention.  
Kageyama expected to find some stupid thing Oikawa sent him, but was surprised with the name ‘Yachi Hitoka’, in the screen of his phone.

“Hello?” he asked answearing the call.

“Kageyama-kun? Hi! It’s me, Yachi”, the girl talked shyly at the other line. “Did I wake you up? Maybe I shouldn’t have called this early…”

“No,no” Kageyama interrupted. “I was already awake and doing nothing. You didn’t bother me at all”

“Thanks god! I called you to ask if you’re free tonight. I mean, if you feel like seeing each other. It would be nice after all this time… But only if you want! I don’t want to force you or anything…” She was talking fast, the way she usually did when nervous.

“It sounds good” Kageyama said with a smile. Yachi hadn’t changed at all.

“Really? It isn’t a bother?”

“No, not at all” Kageyama answered. “What did you have in mind?”

“Do you know that restaurant called ‘Nightsky’? “

“No”, Kageyama answered

“I will send you the direction. What do you think meeting there at, i don’t know, nine o’ clock?”

“Seems fine to me”, Kageyama said. “I’m looking foward for tonight”.

“Yeah, me too!”, the girl answeared exited. “I’ve gotta go to work right now, see you later!”

“Bye”, Kageyama answered and the call ended.

Kageyama stared at his pone a few seconds, unsure of how to react. 

A few minuted later he recieved a message from the girl with the adress on the place, and Kageyama looked it with google maps. It as pretty far. He could get there by bus, but Kageyama wasn’t sure wich ones to get. And he was the type of person who gets lost easily.

He spend the first two weeks of college arriving late, because he would always get in the worng train. 

And he even got lost in Miyagi once. He kept walking until Tobio somehow reached Shiratorizawa, and they had to call Takeda-sensei to get him (Tsukishima and Hinata made fun of him for one month and two weeks).

He could ask Oikawa for directions…Hell no that was a bad idea. But he didn’t want to somehow be late and make Yachi wait. But Oikawa was going to use it against him, somehow, someday. But taxis where so expensive these days!

Kageyama picked his phone and re-sent the adrees to Oikawa, with a second text: “Need help getting here”.

He left his pone next to him, in the couch, and stared at the ceiling. Yachi said she needed to get to work… what was she doing? Kageyama didn’t work since he spent most of his time training in a voleyball court. He hadn’t money problems, and he got often paid very well for interviews or to use certain brands products. He had never done advertising though, because it was too embarassing. Oikawa did once, for a shoes brand.

And Kageyama didn’t have a hobbye either. Well, it was voleyball, but now he couldn’t play so he had nothing to do. He had been lost since his injury.   
At first he was somehow determinated to watch as much voleyball matches as he could and learn lots of new tactics, but it didn’t work the way he wanted as he felt the need to learn them with a voleyball in his hands.

Kageyama got up again and grabbed his running shoes.

-Oi Karasu, I’m going out again.-

********

Kageyama stared at the train in front of him. He was sure the machine stared back.

“The door will close in ten seconds. Passengers, get aboard before the doors close”, a female voice said from the speakers.

It was now or never. Kageyama took a big breath, and entered the train. He stood a few seconds there, looking around, and the doors closed behind him. The train started moving, and Kageyama had to grab a metal pole next to him.

“Okay Kageyama listen up”, he started telling himself. “You’re in this train. You already checked three times, it’s the right one. You are four stations from the restaurant. You already know the way. You talked with Oikawa on the phone. As long as you do everything right, you won’t get lost again”.

The train was almost empty, lots of free seats around. Kageyama sat close to the doors (just in case), and crossed his arms.

“Everything is going to be fine” he decided. 

*******

Iwaizumi entered the building, carring bags with stuff from the grocery store in one hand, and his briefcase in the other. He stopped at the mailboxes, and opened theirs. He grabbed two letters from inside.

He started seeing them as he waited for the elevator. The first one was the water bill, and Iwaizumi groaned at the though of having to pay. The elevator doors opened and he entered. He pressed the fifth floor button without lifting his gaze from the other one. 

It was a letter to Oikawa from her sister. She was in Europe for vacations, with his son. The doors opened once again and Iwaizumi started looking for his keys.

He entered the apartment while yelling, -Oikawa, I’m home.-

Oikawa screamed his name from their bedroom, and came running. –Welcome home!-, he yelled with a big smile.

-You have mail- Iwaizumi told him, leaving the letter in the table. Oikawa rushed to help him with the bags, and Iwaizumi smiled. –From your sister.-

Tooru groaned. –I bet they’re a bunch of postals from nice places. She’s always bragging about her travels-.

-Only because you brag about your travels too.-

-Iwa-chan! Not fair,- Oikawa complained while storing the milk into the fridge. -How was work?-

-The typical-, Iwaizumi complained. –Makki and Mattsun were as lovelydovely as always.

-I wish I could work with you guys- Oikawa complained. –You’re all together like we were in high school!-

-You only want to have couple fights with them-

-We are the best couple!- Oikawa yelled exited. –I’ll make Makki admit it!-

Iwaizumi laughed. 

-Oi Iwa-chan- Oikawa started. –Do you want to go out tonight? Get something to eat…We haven’t had a time for ourselvs in weeks.-

Iwaizumi threw him a look. The man was using that tone he used to blackmail people and act innocent, the cheesy one. But the fact that they hadn’t had a time for themselves in weeks was true. –Sure… How’s it called?-

A small grin appeared in Oikawa’s face. –‘Nightsky’-

 

*****

-Oi, Bakeyama-, a voice said next to him. 

-What-, he barked, eyed still closed.

Hinata remained silet and Kageyama sighed. –What?- he repeated, opening his eyes and looking at the boy next to him.

Shoyou had his eyes set on him, orange fires starring at his sleepy face. He wondered if Hinata had been watching him sleep.

-You know, you make this really werid face when you’re dreaming- Hinata said. –It lookes like you’re having a nightmare-.

They were in the school bus, on their way to Karasuno.

-You woke me up for that?- Kageyama said angrily.

-I didn’t woke you up! I called your name and you answered, you were already up-, Hinata defended himself, and he was right.

Lately, it had been harder falling asleep knowing Hinata was next to him.

-So, do you?- He insisted.

-Do what?-

-Have nightmares-

-No,- Kageyama said. – I don’t dream at all.-

-Really?- Hinata exclamed surprised. 

-Yeah dumbass, it’s not that werid. Some people just don’t have dreams.-

-I dream a lot,- Hinata said. –You know, the other day, I dreamed about being in a buns eating competition. Oh, and yesterday I dreamt about you and me going on a journey to save Natsu from a evil witch! And I dreamed about being a girl once…-

-You have weird dreams- Tobio said turning to the window, trying to hide a little smile that appeared on his face when Hinata said he’d dreamed of him.

-Hey! At least I dream Weirdyama!-

-Stop using my name in your insults!- Kageyama compleined.

Hinata was about to start a fight, but Kageyama remembered something. –I dream sometimes-, he said, and Hinta looked at him surprised.

-The day of the Shiratorizawa match. I dreamt-

-What did you dreamed about?- Hinata asked. –I dreamed too! About us, winning the nationals!-

–I dreamed about the match,- Kageyama said, -I don’t dream anything weird like you do. I dream stuff that’ve already happened.-

-Like this?- Hinata asked with a smile.

Tobio opened his eyes suddently.

He wasn’t in his school bus anymore, he was on a train. There was an old lady sitting next to him and he could feel her warmth through the layers of clothes. The sound of the train moving over it’s tracks was relaxing as he blinked a few times.

He had dreamed with Hinata. Again. He couldn’t remember when that one happened, though.

“Next station, XXXXX. I repeat, next station, XXXXX”, a voice sounded from the speakers.

Kageyama jumped surprised. That was like, two stations after his! The doors opened and Kageyama rushed minself outside, taking his phone from his bag. He checked the hour: a quarter for nine.

Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck.

How could he fall asleep! He had missed the station, he had missed the fucking station!

He looked around looking for help, until he saw a lady with a janitor uniform. ‘Good enough’, he thought as he rushed to her.

-Excuse me, lady- He said with a hurried voice. –Could you tell me wich train goes the exact opposite way from the one that just left?-

She looked at him surprised. –I’m not from the Staff. You should ask in the help center…-

-So you don’t know?- Kageyama asked like a lost puppy. –Where is the, emm help center?- 

He looked at her with eyes full of hurry and desperation.

-There- she signalized. 

Kageyama excused an apology and ran there. Inside there was a counter, and an old man was talking to the secretary. Kageyama stood in the line and started shifting his weight from foot to foot, nervous.

Once the old men was done, he literally jumped in the mostrador.   
-How can I get to OOOO?!-, he asked/yelled.

The woman looked at him scared.

-A train just left ten minutes ago… The next one will come in half an hour-

-Half an hour!- He exclamed. –Can’t it be faster?-

-There’s nothing I can do, sir-, she said bothered. 

Kageyama was so frustrated he forgot to thank her. He walked out of the help center, grabbing his phone from hie jean’s back pocket and oppening a conversation with Yachi. Should he tell her he would be late? The train would come in half and hour, and it was like fifteen minuted to get to OOOO. And it was a short walk from there to the station. But all added, he would have Yachi waiting like 40, 50 minutes. 

Kageyama walked out of the station and looked aroun. Should he take a cab? But he hadn’t brought enough money for both’s cab and dinner.

Finally, he decided to call it a night. He pressed the call button and waited for Yachi to answer.

-Hey Kageyama!- she greeted cheerfully. –Anything wrong? I’m on my way there, did you get lost or something?-

Tobio was surprised of how talkative she had become. At first, Hitoka was so shy she wouldn’t even talk to any club members, only with Shimizu. But once she started hangign out with Hinata, she had became more open.  
Kageyama himself, he realized, had become more talkative once he started hanging out with Hinata. Just he wasn’t like that with everyone, only with Hinata.

Hinata had the ability to make everyone open up. Heck, he even made that tall Datekou guy talk once o two times.

-Well, something like that- he answered through the phone. –I missed the station and now I’m in XXXXX. The next train comes in half an hour.-

-How did you miss your station- she asked. Kageyama felt a blush spreading in his face.

-I kind off… fell asleep-.

Yachi giggled. –Thats so typical of you Kageyama!-

Tobio wanted to tell her to shut up. He didn’t, because Yachi was a girl, and girls didn’t like to be telled to shut up (He learned that if third grade, when he told Misako Arami to shut the fuck up and she started crying all of sudden).

-Don’t worry, I have and idea-, she said –Yams lives around the zone, and he Works in Nightsky too. I’ll ask him to pick you up on his way, he’s got a really nice car. I’ll tell him you’re in the station, so stay there. Emm, it’s a green car, in case you don’t recognize him. I’m pretty sure he will recognize you though, you know, the famous volayball player thing and all…-

Kageyama’s brain stopped working. Did she said Yams? As, Yamaguchi Tadashi, the boy in his high school volleybal club? Though, Yamaguchi was more than a boy in his voleyball club. He had been a friend. Key Word: had.

At some point, Yachi said goodbye and hanged up. Yamaguchi Tadashi was going to pick him up, and they would ride to Nightsky together, and they would probably catch up about their lifes and everything.

Kageyama wasn’t ready to catch up with Yamaguchi Tadashi. It wasn’t like his departure with Hinata, sudden and hurtful. Kageyama hadn’t seen Yamaguchi since high school, because even thoguh Tobio considered him as a friend, he was pretty sure Tadashi didn’t. So they never talked, or saw each other, or anything.

Since Kageyama’s injury, he had been covered in his past all of sudden, and he did not like it. Sure, past was nice. Way too nice. And it was gone, forever, so remembering would only hurt him at the end. So past was better in the past. Yachi Hitoka, Yamaguchi Tadashi, and his damn dreams about Hinatak belonged there.

Though, Deep down Kageyama felt happy to see Yamaguchi again.

He didn’t have to wait long for a green Peugeot to park in front of him. A guy around his age walked out of it, and when he turned around and waved at Kageyama, he recognized him without any problem.

Yamaguchi had gotten taller, and his shoulderss were broader, but he still looked slim. As he got closre, Kageyama realized he still had a face full of freckels (like they could dissapear, dumm Kageyama), and his hair was so long he had it tied in a ponytail at the back of his head.

When he greeted Kageyama, he realized his voice was deeper, but it still was Yamaguchi’s. Kageyama wondered when had they gotten so close that he could remember the boy’s voice.

They entered the car in silence, and Kageyama was sure it would become a car ride full of uncomftarble silence. At least, it was a short ride.

-I was pretty rusprised when Yachi called me- the guy said to breake the silence. -It’s nice seeing you again, Kageyama-.

Yamaguchi’s eyes were on the road, and Tobio followed his gaze, avoiding eye contact.

-It’s nice seeing you too. And thanks for the ride.-

Kageyama realized his voice sounded hoarserh tan he was used to. He wondered how Yamaguchi was seeing him right now, realizing how much he had changed. Did he felt as weird and Kageyama felt?

-No worries, you were on my way to work,- he answered cheerfully.

Kageyama wanted to tell him ‘I know’, but he didn’t.

They spend a few minutes in silence before Yamaguchi talked again. –I always watch your games on TV. It’s weird seeing a guy who I played voleyball with in Japan’s team, but It’s also really nice. Whenever I say it, Tsukki always answers with ‘Of couarse he would end up proffesional’, or ‘It’s pretty damn typical for the king’.-

So Yamaguchi and Tsukishima stayed in touch? It had sence, they were glued to each other in high school.  
Kageyama didn’t say anything, and Yamaguchi kept talking.

-I fell a little proud of having played with you, I know it’s weird. But whenever you toss, even though you are a little guy in a court fulled of little guys, looked from above, something inside me says, ‘Yup, that’s deffinitly Kageyama’, like I know how your tosses are or something,- he started laughing shily. –It’s really weird, isn’t it?-.

Kageyama realized he should answer. He prefered when the other did the talking, and Yamaguchi’s familiar voice was really nice. –It is.- 

He saw Yamaguchi stiff at his side and he wondered if it was the wrong answer. ‘Well, you just called him weird, of course it’s the worng answer’, a voice in his head said. A voice that saounded pretty much like Hinata’s.

Tobio was about to apologize when Yamaguchi started laughing, more confident this time. He turned his eyes from then road to smile at him, and Kageyama wondered if he sould keep his head to the front, or turn around to meet Tadashi’s gaze.

Kageyama decided meeting his gaze would be too intimal, and he didn’t move.

-You still say the first thing that’s on you mind, don’t you?-

Tobio wanted to snap back at the insult. It was an insult, righ? But it didn’t sound like it, Yamaguchi’s tone was a fond and kind one. Was it Yamaguchi’s revenge fot calling him weird earlier?

The spent the rest of the ride in silence. Yamaguchi parked the car in the streets, and they walked half a block together before they reached the restaurant. Kageyama saw Yachi was waiting utside the place, and she waved to both ot them.   
Yamaguchi walked with him to the girl and greeted her, before excusing himself and leaving to the back entrance of the restaurant.

Kageyama watched him leave, until Yachi’s voice turned him back into reality.

-Have you ever talked to Yams since High School?- she asked curious. 

-No-, Kageyama asnweared. –This it the first time.- he waited a few seconds to gather the strenght to keep talking. -I havent really kept in touch with anyone, really,- Kageyama explained as they entered. He had a wave of nostalgia hit him in the chest and sighed. –It’s pretty sad-.

-It’s never too late to restore old friendships, don’t you think?- She asked him softly, while walking to their table.

Kageyama though of Shizuku and Hinata, and wondered if he would be able to do that.

-Have you?- He asked Yachi as they sat down.

-Have what?- 

-Kept it touch. With anyone-. She blinked a few times, and looked to the ceiling trying to figure out an answear.

-Like you already know, with Yams... and being around Yams means Kei too, you know, they’re still together…- Kageyama almost chuckled at the use of Tsukishimas first name and wondered how close their relashionship still was. – I’ ve seen Shimizu a few times! You know, she studied to be a plain captain and isn’t around so much, so whenever she’s in Tokyo she comes visit me…-

Shimizu-sempai flew planes?! Yachi mentioned like it was common knowledge, but Kageyama hadn’t idea. He also didn’t know what Suga, Daichi and Asahi studied. If they studied…

-Once I met with Shimizu and Suga! He looks really handsome, I mean I’m not saying he wasn’t hadnsome in high school, but, you know, years make it… different?-

How did the conversation turn about his former senpai’s good looks? Yachi realized Kageyama’s uncomftarble face and chuckled. 

–You’re really handsome too Kageyama-san! I was schocked!-

A big blush spread aroun the man’s face. Yachi was also embarassed it seemed, because her usual babbling came back, as she was still a shy sixteen yeard old girl. –B-but It’s not that you were ugly in high school! You were really popular!-

Kageyama’s blush grew so big he didn’t knew what to do with his face, so he just hid it in his hands. 

-Please, Yachi-san. You’re killing me,- he said, face still covered. 

-S-sorry,- the girl answered, also blushing.

A few seconds passed and Kageyama didn’t knew what to do. He wasn’t really sure of taking his hands out of his face, but it wasn’t like he could spend the hole night like that. 

“I wish I could”, he thought.

Tobio was about to finally lift his face when Yamagchi’s voice interrumpted them.

-Hey guys! Long time no see you! I’m going to be you waiter tonight-, Kageyama, are you okay?- 

Tobio lifted his gaze from his smiled akwardly. –Yeah-.  
Yachi giggled.

-Umh…, okaay. So, here are your menu’s!- he said exitedly, handing them two big books. – Do you have anything in mind for the drinks?-.

-I’ll have some wine-, Yachi said. –Do you want to share a bottle Kageyama-kun?-

He denied with his head, opening the menú and checking the meals. –I don’t like wine-. He lifted his face. –I’ll have a beer-.

-Okay, one beer for Kageyama and, the same wine as always?-

She nooded and Tadashi smiled. –Coming right up!- he said cheerful and dissapeared.

Kageyama kept eyeing the Menu, unsure. He had no idea what he wanted to eat, and the space themed Menu wasn’t helping him. He eyed Yachi, who’d already left her Menu on the table and was waiting patiently for him to finishi.

-What will you order?- he asked.

She met his gaze and smiled. –I always order Haimich’s Commet Tail’s Dust; They’re noodles with with cream and pieces of chicken-.

Searched for it in the Menu, and stared at the recipt for a few seconds.

-The names they give the meals are a bit hard to understand, I had Yamaguchi explain the hole menú to me like three or four times-, she explained.

-Are they good?- Kageyama asked unsure. –The Haimich’s Comet?-

-Hell yeah!- she said exited. –They’re the best noodles I have ever tried!-.

Yamaguchi appeared from behing the counter, holding a plate with a beer and a bottle of wine. Kageyama wondered if he should have joined the girl with her drink instead of letting her to finish a hole bottle of wine by herself. She didn’t seem conflicted, though.

Tadashi placed their drinks in the table and asked if they were ready to order. —Two Haimich’ Commert Tail’s Dust!- Yachi said exited and Tadashi wrote it in a pad.

Kageyama watched him leave their table and walk until the kitchen’s door. It opened in front of him and Yamaguchi stood there a few seconds, talking with someone. Finally, he entered the kitchen and the person walked out, holding a big plate with two meals.

He was a tall guy, wearing all black like all the waiters, and a purple tie. It made his blode hair look brighter. It was long, until the ears. He walked to a table next to them and a lock of hair fell in his face, so he set it aside bothered. When he lifted his gaze, his and Kageyama’s eyed met for a second, and he made a scowl.

Kageyama could almost hear him say, “Damn King”, before a small fond smile appeared for a second in his slips and he turned around, walking back to the kitchen.

Yachi was talking to him, but Kageyama didn’t listen.

\- Tsukishima also works here?- he said shocked.

-Yeah, he and Yamaguchi’ve been waiters here since college- she explained.

Kageyama opened his mouth, but he didn’t knew what to say so he closed it again. 

-It’s the first time you see him since high school too?— Kageyama nooded. –You should’ve missed him… I mean, you were pretty close-.

-Close? I hated that guy!- Kageyama complained.

Though, he didn’t really hated the guy. Not at all.

Yachi sarted giggling (at this point, Kageyama had already realized the girl didn’t laugh, she giggled), and Kageyama felt a pinch of jealously in his heart.

Tsukishima, Yamaguchi and Yachi had kept in touch since high school. They had been together in college. They were together now. Always hanging around, like in the past, they never got separated like Hinata and him.

They never got separated like Kageyama, alone in college with nothing familiar but voleyball. They never were abandoned by his best friend (and maybe crush), like Kageyama had.

He wondered if Hinata abandoned them too, or if he still hung around Yachi from time to time. If they all hanged around together: the whole ‘frist years’ squad, without him.

He knew that wasn’t true, that they were meeting again now, but it still hurt. Even if Hinata abandoned them too, why hadn’t anyone contacted Kageyama? Why had everyone forgotten about him? 

-I-I have to go to the bathroom,- Kageyama excused himself and walked away. Yachi threw him a weird look, but he ignored it.

He walked around in a corner (Tobio had no idea where the bathroom was), and he leanes against the Wall.

He felt it in his hearth, that hurt of nostalgia he always felt when around Shizuku, that stain of burn when he though about Hinata.

“Calm down”, Kageyama told himself.

But his chest was still hurting, so he decided he needed some air. There was a big glass door at the end of the hall and he opened it. A brush of cold air sook his hair, he closed his eyes and his chest felt lighter. 

When Kageyama opened them, Tsukishima was standing in the yard, a cigarrete in his hands and gaze fizen in him. 

-Running away from your date, eh King?- he teased. 

Kageyama felt a fond feeling of familiarity (In wich world did Kageyama Tobio feel fondness of Tsukishima Kei?)

-Because If taht’s what you’re doing, I will remind you that I’m Yachi’s friend. So, I encorage you to go back there if you don’t want me kicking your ass.-

Kageyama looked at him strangely. Was Tsukishima caring for someone that wasn’t him (or Yamaguchi)? And did he say kick his ass? Since when did Tsukishima kick ass?

-I’m not running away,- he complained. –I just need some air.-

-Scared from a 1 60m girl?-

-From the past,- he corrected softly and lifted his gaze. A few stars shone in the sky and Kageyama decided the restaurant’s theme was stupid. The Nightsky wasn’t as beautiful as movies and book painted it. It was just black. And droppels of white.   
What was so good about that?

-Technically, I’m past too- he said, his teasing voice lower this time. –Are you scared of me too?-

Kageyama threw him a glare, and Tsukishima smiled. –Still can get in your nerves, eh King?-

-Fuck you.-

This time, Tsukishima laughed loudly and Kageyama wanted to punch him. He definitly didn’t missed the guy. Not at all.

Kageyama was turning around, decided to go back to his meal, when Tsukishima stopped him.

-Give me your phone,- he said.

-Why?- Kageyama answered upset. 

-Still can’t take orders, eh King? Just give me the damn phone.-

Tobio took it out of his pocket upset, and handed it to Kei. The guy pressed a few buttons quickly, and gave it back in silence.

-Call me when you’re over your fear of the past, eh King?- he teased.

 

******

Yachi was still in their table, looking at the phone bored. Yamaguchi had brought them the food, but Yachi hadn’t touched hers (probably waiting for Kageyama to come).  
He felt bad for suddently running away.

-Hey-, he greeted sitting on his chair.

-Hi Kageyama! Took you long! I saw you entered the hallway, but the bath’s the other way around. I asked Yamaguchi to go look for you though…-

-I ran into Tsukishima-, Kageyama explained. –And we chatted for a bit-.

-Oh-, Yachi said exited, grabbing her fork and picking a few noodles on it. –It’s good that you two were able to talk! You did get along pretty well on high school…-

Kageyama laughed. –Yeah-, he said, imiting Yachi. –I think we did.-

When Kageyama tried the noodles, he decided they were good. They weren’t the best noodles he had ever eaten, like Yachi said, but they were really tasty.  
From then, Yachi started talking cheerfully again, and Kageyama listened while eating. A few times he felt like saying something, but he got intimidated by Yachi’s fast chatting so he spent most of the night in silence.

He only talked when Yachi asked him a questions, about voleyball, his knee injury (“I read it online! I was watching the match and got really worried!”). When she asked him about his personal life, he almost chocked on his own food.

-Soo…- she said softly. –Are you seing anyone?-

Kageyama wondered if he should tell her about Shizuku, and how to adress it.  
They just saw each other a few times. At the end he just metioned he had went to a few dates with a girl, but didn’t tell her anything more.

Like with Oikawa and ‘the gang’, he didn’t wanted her seeing how similar she was to Hinata, and realizing Kageyama’s still lasting high school crush.

They had already finished eating when the worst happened.

They were still in the table, chatting. Yachi had finished the hole glass of wine, and even though she wasn’t drunk all the way, she was more cheerful and outgoing that before, and her giggles had turn into a full loud laughter. Kageyama had already asked for the check, and he was compromised to pay for them both, and go get cab for the girl, when the devil himself decided to make an appeareance at that same restaurant, that same night.

Kageyama heard that familiar cheesy voice, and the second angry one that was always around the first one. He reactioned pretty fast (and mature), slaming his face to the taple and covering with his arms in an attempt to hide himself.

Yachi asked him if he was alright and he lifted his gaze slowly. –Sshh Yachi!, Don’t same my name!-

-Kage-, I meant, is everything okay?-

-Hide! Hide before he sees us!-

He heard the cheesy voice laguh, closer tan last time, and his heart started pounding faster. Kageyama closed his eyes, and even though he wasn’t a religious person he prayed to god not to be recognize-

-Is that.. Tobio-chan? And look, Iwa-chan! Yachi Hitoka, the little cute manager!-

Kageyama grouned loudly and cursed his luck. He let his arms fall at the sides of his body, and restained the urge to slam his face to the table until he passed out.  
How could he have the worst damn luck in the fucking world!

Oikawa and Iwaizumi thought Yachi and him had been dating since last week. If he brought that up... Hitoka would probably slap him and call him a werido. And he would never see her, or Yamaguchi again.   
And that damn Tsukishima would kick his ass. 

-It’s nice to see you guys again!- Yachi said akwardly, shoting weird glances to Kageyama’s dead body. 

He lifted his gaze to meet with Oikawa’s big evil grin and he regreted asking the man for directions.

-It’s nice to see you too Hitoka-chan! Tobio-chan’s friends are my friends. Or in this case, Tobio-chan’s dates,- he said, last part with an implying tone.

Kageyama lifted himself in a second. Yachi started laughing loudly, -We’re not dating!- she amost yelled.

Both Iwaizumi and Oikawa threw a confused look at Kageyama and he felt his blood run cold all of sudden.

-You’re not?- Oikawa asked looking back at her. 

-Of course not! Kageyama is dating Shizuku,- she said grinning.

-What the- Iwaizumi started saying, but Kageyama jumped from the table all of sudden and interrumpted him.

-Sorry guys but we were just leaving!- Kageyama yelled, grabbing Yachi’s hand from across the table and lifting her up. He took his wallet from the back pocket of his jeans and got a handfull of money, enough to pay for the check and Yamaguchi’s tip.

-See you..!-

He didn’t have the time to say later because he was already running away. “Never”, he wished, as they left to the night’s cold air.

-Kageyama!- the girl complained –What was that?-

-Look!- Kageyama said ignoring her words. –A cab!-

Tobio called the taxi and it parked next to them. He opened the door and practically pushed Hitoka inside.

-I can walk there!- she complained, but Kageyama ignored her and gave the taxi driver some dollars.

-You’re too drunk- he said simply. –It was nice seeying you!-

And closed the car’s door.

He walked backwards, aways from the streets, an a few seconds passed before the thing started moving. Kageyama watched it leave, heart still beting fast and head moving at full speed.

Tobio decided not to think about what had just happened, go home, and get some sleep. He only had to move away, to Corea maybe…  
He opened his wallet for the third time in the ten minutes, and felt his hearth fall to the ground when he saw it was empty.

Kageyama wanted to punch something.

Worst night ever.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter!!!!! Is it kinda short? Well enjoy the peace because next ones will be full of drama! And angst! Honestly I have been writing like a bitch lately and I don't wanna give anything but be ready for the angst because it's on it's way.   
> Like I say every time, sorry for any errors, English not first languageeeee.
> 
> Also thank you se much for the reviews, if you guys hadn't liked this story I'd have probably never finished it, and I'm really enjoying writing it right now. I'll give y best to write it the best way possible!!!
> 
> Hope you enjoy...

Kageyama was in front of Tokyo’s Metropolitan Voleyball Stadium.

It was one of the biggest Voleyball stadiums in the country, and also the place where Winter High Nationals were held. During his High School days, Kageyama had visited the place twice, once resulting in their lost at quarter finals, and the second time just at their third match (The first years were too nervous and stupid Hinata had hurt his wirst the match before).  
And then, as a member of Japan’s team, he visited it daily to train.

But of all those times, all the nerves he’d felt, all the sweat he had drained in those floors, this one was, under no doubt, the most scarry one he had ever lived.

This morning, Kageyama had woken up with a lot of muscle pain in his legs (Yes, he had walked all the way to his apartment and yes, he regreted it), and one message from Oikawa.

He had been expecting tons of missed calls and at least more tan 50 messages from different social networks (this meaning normal message, What’s App and Facebook because that’s all the networks Kageyama was in).   
And somehow, only seeing one notification was fricking frightening.

“Come to practice today or the Voleyball video goes viral”, it’s all that said.

The Voleyball video.   
Oikawa had been extorsioning him for years about it now. Kageyama had gotten so used to it, that he adquired the ability to identify the black mail when Oikawa’s lips’d only said ‘ the v-‘, before agreeing (it helped avoing misunderstendings and questions from people around them).

If it were for Kageyama, he would have spent the next week trapped in his apartment just to run away from Oikawa and Iwaizumi.

“You really don’t know Oikawa if you though you could pull that off” he told himself as he entered the building.

There was a janitor cleanind the walls that greeted him and Kageyama bowed him in response. He walked through those well known halls to the gym, and heard the familiar noice of balls smacking the floor before even reaching. He opened the wooden door and entered the big gym with a warm feeling in his chest he hadn’t felt in days.

His team was warming up, setter’s tossing the ball and spikers running one after the other. Liberos at the other side of the net, runing from all over the court to recieve the ball.

Kageyama walked to the benches and decided to wait for Oikawa and Iwaizumi until practice was done. Some of his teamates acomplished his prescence with a nood, a greeting or yelling his name for a hole minute (Yes, it was Bokuto). Oikawa ignored him compleatly and it made Kageyama even more nervous.

Most of his teamates threw Kageyama weird looks, because it was the first time since his injury that the boy set a foot in that gym. Kageyama also regreted going so early, because watching the players move and run around the ball gave him an enourmus need to play.

Damn, Kageyama really wanted to play.

At some point (Tobio was too lost in practice to play attention), Oikawa went out to talk with coach, and after a few minutes of discussion he started walking to the benches. Kageyama saw him when the man was already climbing the stairs to meet with him, and gulped.

Tooru sat next to him, leaving an empty seat between them and they stayed in silence a few seconds.

-So-, he started, voice cheesy and teasing at the same time. –You’ve been dating the nurse, huh?-

Kageyama turned his gaze from the game to stare at Oikawa, surprised. How did he know? Maybe he saw them? Did he knew all the time and didn’t say anything? No, he seemed truly surprised last night. 

Tooru can be a really good actor though, one never knows…

-Yeah. How did you guess?-

Oikawa moved his face to meet his gaze with a confused expression. –Yachi said it last night?-

-No, Yachi only mentioned I was seeing someone else-

-No, Yachi said ‘you were dating Shizuku’. That’s the cute red haired nurse from the traumatologist department, unlike you, I actually relate with the people we work with Kageyama-kun-.

Tobio didn’t answear for a few seconds and Oikawa threw him another weird look.  
Oikawa was… right. Yachi did say that. But it didn’t have any sence, Kageyama remembers he never mentioned her name.

He remembers it perfectly (you would get impressed about the ability Kageyama has to remember trivial things).

-So, aren’t you talking about why you lied saying you were datng Yachi? It’s not like it would be embarrasing to date Shizuku-chan, she’s really cute-

The way he said ‘Shizuku-chan’ lingered in Kageyama’s head a few seconds.

-I…-a blush appeared in his face. – Don’t you think… She looks a lot like Hinata?-.

The name felt weird in Kageyama’s lips, as he hadn’t sayed it in years (at least not alound, he had thought of it way too many times). Hinata. Hinata. He wanted to say it thousand of times more.

-She really does- Oikawa replied. Kageyama nooded, embarrassed.

-So you did have a crush on Schrimpy-chan!- He yelled and Kageyama chocked. A few head at the court turned to them and Kageyama wanted to hide in a hole.

-Y-yeah-. His voice was weird from the nerves, as it was the first time he admited it out loud. –I knew you guys would think I was weird so I-i lied to you-.

-It is- Oikawa confirmed and Kageyama felt the urge to punch him. He finally understood all those time Bokuto yelled: ‘Akaashi, don’t agree that fast!’. –So the only reason you’re seeing her is because she reminds you of Chibi-han? That’s mean, even for you Kageyama-.

Tobio wanted to say it wasn’t like that, but he couldn’t. Shizuku and Hinata weren’t alike, they were equals. It was like meeting the same person twice, like going back to the past and bringig Hinata back (and because time travel was weird and dangerous he had turned in a girl?). She was Hinata girl version.

Kageyama didn’t saw her because she reminded him of Hinata, he saw her because she made him feel like Hinata used to do.

They stayed in silence a few minutes before Coach started yelling Oikawa to come back to practice, and he started to leave.

-You know, you’re a pretty complicated guy when you want to-, he mumbled under his breath. –If you miss Hinata so much, why don’t you go and look for him? You were really close in High School, I’m sure you could start over. -

He was a few steps distance when he turned around again. –Oh, and you better apolize to Iwa-chan. And tell the truth to Keiji and Kou-kun before I do. -

Meet again with Hinata. Look for him, talk. Star over. Just as Friends, and maybe, maybe if everything worked out… No, just friends was okay. 

Seeing Hinata once again.

Kageyama watched him leave with a weird feeling in his heart.

 

****

Tobio was about to have lunch with the last person he wanted to be with right now.

Well, no, she probably wasn’t exactly the last person. That would be Hinata. Shizuku was practicly like Hinata, so it counted the same, right?  
Though, deep inside, Kageyama knew Hinata was the person he wanted to see the most (did that meant he wanted to see Shizuku the most too? Damn this was hard).

And saying such thing about Shizuku was also a lie, because he really enjoyed time with her.

But right now, Kageyama couldn’t stop thinking of Hinata, of looking for him and meeting him once again. And he felt guilty, because what if he did found Hinata? What would happend to Shizuku?

He didn’t need two Hinatas. And if he had to choose, he was sure he would choose the original. 

Kageyama may like Shizuku, but he loved Hinata, no doubts on that.

-They didn’t have soy milk,- the girl said sitting at the other side of the table, right in front of him. –So I brought you Apple juice. Is it fine?-

They’were in the Stadium’s cafeteria, in the corner of one ot those big white tables that occupy the whole room. In front of them are a bunch of bought sanwiches, wrapped up in plastic bags. 

-Yeah, thanks,- he answers quietly. She must’ve noticed, because she throwed him a weird look and passed him the juice box. Kageyama took it and started to stick the straw in the hole, without looking up at her any moment.

-Are you okay?- she said worried, -It’s not normal for you to come here since your injury.-

-Oikawa asked me to come so we could talk-, he answered avoiding the first question. He finally lifted his gaze to find her big golden eyes staring at him with worry.

-You’re acting weird,- she said and Kageyama closed his eyes upset. Was she going to insist on him telling what was wrong? Because Kageyama hated when people did that, he hated it...

–But the grand King can be really annoying sometimes, so I guess you’re just tired…-

-What did you just say?- Kageyama asked suddently, opening his eyes.

She looked at him scared for a second, but she started blinking fast, smiling and avoiding Kageyama’s eyes in no time. –That Oikawa-san can be really annoying sometimes…?-

-You didn’t called him that.-

-Uhm, I did?-

-You didn’t.-

-I totally did!-

-You totally didn’t! Stop playing dumb!-

-Hey! You’re the dumb!-

-I’m not! You’re the dumb, Dumbass!-

Kageyama froze.  
He heard the word repeat itself in his ears, like an ecco. Their ‘fight’ had escalated and they were both now standing, hands on the table, face close as they yelled to each other.

Shizuku threw herself on the bench and bursted into laugher. Her face was against the table and she hit it with her hand, hole body trembling as she lauged loudly.   
People of the other tables were turnng around to see them and Kageyama sat slowly.

He couldn’t take his eyes out of her, he couldn’t move, he couldn’t think of anything but ‘Hinata, Hinata, Hinata, Hinata…’

-What’s with that insult? Dumbass?- she teased. There were tears in the corners of her eyes from laughing, and her laughter was so nice that a smile started to bloom in Kageyama’s face.

-Hey! There’s nothing wrong with Dumbass!- Kageyama was now full smiling (and not that scary smirk).

-You really are dumb- Shizuku said softly. Her voice was kind, sweet and full of fondness. She was smiling at Kageyama, not the ususal bright one with an open mounth and showing her theets, but lips pressed together and eyes slightly closed.  
It wasn’t the sun smile, but a softly warm one.

It made Kageyamas heart twitch and hurt a little. His cheeks started to feel warm and paint themselves in a slight red.

He didn’t knew what to say, so me mumbled a, -You’re dumb,- and turned his face trying to hide his blush.

She started lauging once again, and Kageyama smiled.

With a fast move, she grabbed all the sanwiches and pressed them against her chest in a hug. Kageyama let a small cry and she smiled, opening once’s plastic envolve and giving it a bite. –What does it feel that a dumbass stole your food?-

-Don’t be mean!- he complained and she smiled.

-You started.-

-Shizuku,- Kageyama said in a warning voice. –Give me a sanwich-.

-What? I don’t understand! I’m soo dumb…-

Kageyama jumped to the other side of the table and she let out a small cry. Before he could do anything, she hugged the sanwiches even tighter and started running to the door.

-See if you catch me!- she yelled smiling. But she suddenly stopped in her tracks and turned around. –Wait, no, I just realized you’re not suposed to run, so I’ll just walk fast, okay?-

Kageyama nodded, and he had to make an attempt not to crack into laughter as he watched her walk away ‘walking fast’. Probaly everyone in the cafeteria was watching him as he followed Shizuku’s steps.

It wasn’t hard to spot her because of her striking red hair, so Kageyama followed the girl through the halls until they were outside. She was sitting at the top of a staircase, staring at the sky and eating a sandwich. The rest were on the floor at her side, so Kageyama grabbed one and sat next to them without saying anything.

Kageyama started feeling nostalgic at the situation as he remembered the day he met Hinata. It clearly wasn’t the same place, and the sun wasn’t even setting, but the wind was shaking her hair softly and it made him think of Hinata. Staring at the sandiwich in his hands he realized he couldn’t eat with the melancholie hurting in his chest.

It was hard to know, after all the time that’d passed, but when he was young Kageyama used to believe that was the day he felt in love with Hinata. That unknown little boy he had seen in the match, yelling things about Kings and Courts to him. That stranger, whose eyes shone with the sunlight hitting them like ambers, and the tears that fell from his eyes.

Kageyama didn’t minded he called him King, it felt okay, and true. And when the stranger yelled he would be his rival Kageyama smiled, because he did wanted to play against him again, and againg, and many times in the future.

-This is nice,- Shizuku said next to him and Kageyama woke up from his memory. How long had they been silent? He hadn’t touched his sandwich, but her hands were empty and there was only one left in the space between them. –We could do it more often, having lunch together.-

She was looking at him with a smile and Kageyama nodded. –Yeah-, he said, biting his sandwich.

-You can’t train, though, so I’ll have to wait until you’re better.- Kageyama wondered why she said ‘I’, and not ‘we’. –Thinking it better, why don’t you go train tomorrow? I really want some pork buns…-

Kageyama blinked a few times, surprised. He had forgotten about the deal! -You shouldn’t do that you’re my doctor- he answered.

-Yeah, but I would’ve discharged* you days ago, so I’m not making myself responsable. And pork buns are pork buns-

-I’ll buy you the worst pork buns in Japan.-

-Hey! You can’t do that Bakayama!-

Tobio felt a shiver run down his spine. He imaged shorter red curls, a boy’s hair, and some boy’s clothes. Some weird song about poping, a loud actitude and the brightest grin.

-What did you say?- he asked softly.

Shizuku turned around. –That I wanted to see you too?-

-No, no. What did you call me?-

She looked scared as if she’d done something wrong. –Ba-Bakayama?-

Kageyama looked to the floor and bit his lips. She sounded just like him. She sounded just like him. She sounded just like-

-Please, don’t use my name in your insults like that,- he asked with a soft voice, full of hurt.

Why did she kept acting like him? Why were they so fucking alike? Shizuku wasn’t Hinata, so she should stop acting like him!

-I’m sorry, - her voice sounded full of hurt.

-Don’t apologize, it-s okay. Just… don-t do it again, please.-

-Sure.- 

Kageyama didn’t answear, instead he grabbed the only sandwich left and started eating it. There was a akward silence between them now, and it was clear that she felt upset about what happened.

-I should leave, my lunch time is probably over… If they pay me less hours I’m blaming you Kageyama.-

-Hey-, he complained.

-See you soon,- she said with a smile, and Kageyama turned around to watch her leave.

He sighed, putting a hand on his face. He had fucked up, she was just teasing. There was no way Shizuku was acting like Shoyou because she wanted to, she probably didn’t even knew him. Kageyama was just overreacting. 

“I won’t look for Hinata”, he decided. He had a new Hinata. Now he wasn’t so sure he would change her for Hinata. He didn’t wanted to loose her. 

And Hinata was already gone.

He remembered the bet. Why was it so important to him back then? He wanted to know if she actually was a Hinata, a cousin, a lost sister, anything. That was when her resemblance to Hinata was physical. That was before realizing she also acted like Hinata. 

Kageyama stood up and walked once again into the building. He could’ve just left from there, but then he didn’t knew the way home from that side and he didn’t wanted to get lost. As he walked through the halls, he saw an open door and two doctors talking to each other in the doorway.

He stopped on his tracks, suddently. He could ask them for Shizuku’s last name. He could ask in reception, or he could ask another player (maybe someone knew).  
He didn’t had to way until the end of the week.

But Kageyama wasn’t sure he wanted to know.

If she was a Hinata, or if she wasn’t.

He imagined hearing a weird last name that wasn’t the familiar, ‘Hinata’, and it hurt. He imagined seeing Shizuku and greeting her with ‘Hinata’, and it hurt.

So he just kept walking fast, to the exit, to the outside, to somewhere far from there. 

 

*****

-Kageyama-kun?- 

Tobio turned aroud to meet eyes with Yachi. She was wearing her office outfit, her weels making her taller than Kageyama was used to.

-Hey Yachi,- he said nervous. –Sorry for calling you suddently, and thanks for coming so fast.-

-No worries,- she said with a smile.

-Where you working?-

-Nono, I just got off, sorry fot making you wait.-

Kageyama nodded and looked away. Why was he so nervous about it? He felt bad of interrogating Yachi like this, but if what Oikawa had said… It was true, Yachi knew Shizuku, somehow.   
And he had to know.

-Where you able to get home last night?- she asked kindly. Tobio realized he never made sure she got home safely, something may had happened to her in the car or on her way to the building. 

A big feeling of guilt se aplastó contra su estómago. Instead of worring for her, the first thing he does is try to interrogate her. What an asshole.

-Umh, yeah, yeah, I got a cab,- he lied. –How about you?-

-I hadn’t any problem, thanks to you,- she smiled.

Kageyama nodded once again. –So-o, I called you because, there’s something I need to ask you.-

-Sure, -she said with doubt in her voice. 

-Remember last nigh? When you told Oikawa-san about Shizuku?-

She laughed. –What was all that about? You should tell you friend these things! They looked really surpri-

-I never told you her name,- Kageyama interrupted. Yachi looked at him shocked, as she realized what he said. –I said I was dating someone, but I never said how she was called.-

Yachi bit her lips and looked away. Kageyama felt bad. For corneting her out like this. For asking her questions like this. Would she get mad at him? Would she yell at him and never talk to him again? Would she ask why Oikawa and Iwaizumi were so surprised and why was he acting so strange? Would he… would he…

Would he never see Yachi, or Tsukishima, or Yamaguhci again?

She sighed. Her eyes refused to meet with Kageyama’s and it was clear that the answear to the question was one she didn’t want to give. To him, it had no sence. How did Yachi know her name? Why was it so har to tell him the reason?

-Yeah, mmh, I wanted to tell you, but… I already knew Shizuku. She’s my roommate.-

Kageyama blinked, surprised. –What?-

-Yeah… we met at college and we became best friends and I’ve been living with here since I got here. Umh, I was really surprised when she told me she was dating you, and I meant to tell you but... I, mmh kinda forgot.-

She was smiling shily and Kageyama nodded. They were roomates. That was it.  
Two girls, being friends, living togheter. Nothing wrong.

What was he expecting, anyway? They were friends, just that.

-I’m sorry Kageyama, but I have to go. I promised Shizuku I’d be doing dinner tonight and…-

-No, no, it’s okay. Thanks for coming, and s-sorry for, you know…-

She laughed. –Sure, Kageyama-kun! No worries about it. Someday you have to come over for dinner, you know! Shizuku is an awful cooker, I warn you.-

Kageyama tried to smile. –Yeah, sure.-

It was when Yachi walked away and dissapeared between the cars that Kageyama realized something.

Shizuku was a mistery. The only things Kageyama knew about her were that she had a sister, that she lived with a friend she met in High School, that she studied medicine in Tokyo’s University, and that she had three works.

Well, he now knew more things about her now, thanks to time together and a few dates. But that didn’t change the fact in front of him: Yachi said she met Shizuku in college. Shizuku said she met Yachi in High School.

He stared at the place the blonde girl was minutes ago, as if the answear to his doubt were to be there.

One of them was lying. Or both were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Accprdinng to linguee.es, 'alta medica' translates to *discharge. It's supposed to mean that you're free to do whatever you want after an injury, aka, you're fine. Is the term okay? Because I never heard the word and I'm not sure if it understands...   
> So in case it doesn't make sence, here's the clarification.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey dear readers! How's it everything at the other side of the screen?  
> I'm currently dying from a cold, but that means more free time to write, so I don't complain.  
> Thank you so so so much for al the support!!! Did I told you it's the first time something I write gets like more than four comments? Because it is and I'm so happy you like it!
> 
> I feel like the recent chapters have been a little meeh, this included, but get ready because there's a fucking thunderstorm coming and there's is just so much angst!!!!!
> 
> Sorry if this chapter is a little short, I'll try to upload the next one as soon as possible!!!
> 
> Hope you like it.

It was Kageyama’s birthday.

December the 22th, two days before christmas. The day he turned eighteen. And he was alone with Hinata.

He wasn’t sure if he liked the fact that Hinata was the only one there with him for his eighteen birthday, or not.

Kageyama Tobio was the son on two of the most succesful lawyers of a firm that had half of the biggest companies in Japan. Since he was little, his parents would often fly away in work trips, and dissapear for weeks (once it was a whole month).

Weeks ago his mom had recieved a client in Tokyo and she would be away for Kageyama’s birthday (and christmas), and she’d refused it, saying, “I’m not missing my only son’s eighteen birthday”, and “Christmas is to be spent in family” 

But Kageyama may had had a discussion with his parents about his future last week, and his parents may’ve decided that the rejected client was more important that considered before (yes, both of his parents, because suddently his mother needed his fathers help too).

Kageyama really didn’t mind.   
He liked being alone, and even when he knew his parents wouldn’t throw him a big party full of people or something like that, having to blow the candles of a cake with them after their fight would’ve been really akward.

So he was grateful they were gone. And maybe, some time without him would’ve him accustomed to the idea that Tobio wasn’t following their steps, he wasn’t even studing laws, he was going to a university with a good Voleyball team and he was going to become a professional voleyball player.

But then there was Hinata. On one side, Kageyama loved being alone with Hinata (or just being with Hinata in general). On the other hand, Kageyama was a fucking blushing nervous mess when he was alone with Hinata.

He was an eighteen years old fucking blushing nervous mess now.

-Hey! Did you see that?!- Hinata yelled in exitement. It took Kageyama a few seconds to realice he was being talked to.

-What?- he asked. They were watching the College National finals and the University Kageyama and Hinata were going to attend was one of the finalist.  
The other one was, of course, Shiratorizawa.

-That libero! He recieved a straight hit from Ushiwaka with no problems,- Hinata said with exitement. -Well, Noya could do that too.-

-Noya could reacieve a toss from High School Ushijima. I’m sure college Ushijima is stronger,- he cprrected. “and Noya-san didn’t technically recieve a direct spike, but a guided spike thanks to Tsukishima and his block system.” He thought but didn’t say.

-I bet Noya could recieve it if he was playing,- Hinata insisted, a smirk in his face that said ‘I’m looking for a fight’, and his fists already up in the air.

“Fuck it”, Kageyama thought. “It’s my birthday”.

So he threw himself over Hinata. The boy let out a shriek, before bursting into laugher, his fist in Kageyama’s shirt as he twisted in laughter, and there were tears in his eyes.

-Kageyama, please-, he begged between the laughts. –Let me, Kageyama!-

Tobios hands were all around his sides, runing through his belly, behind his arms, his back. Even when he moved fast and wild as he tickled Hinata, he made sure to keep track of the soft white skin, the way his small hip fit in his arms, and Hinata’s well formed muscle from all the voleyball.

Hinata had already given him a present, but this was difinitly the best gift ever.

Kageyama stopped tickling him, and bursted into laughter himself. It was that wild big laughter he only had when he was around Hinata, that loud laughter that filled the room, just like Shoyou’s.

When he finished laughing, he was still over Hinata. The boy was staring at him with wide eyes, and an almost invisible happy smile. Tobio’s hands were on Hinata’s sides, and their faces were really close.

Kageyama kissed him.

But when they separated, it wasn’t Hinata who was looking at him, but Shizuku.

 

Tobio woke up with a yell. His shirt was covered in sweat, sticked to his skin. He felt wet and dirty and ran to the bathroom without even tidying his sheets.  
He turned on the water and practically jumped to the shower, clothes still on.

That wasn’t how his eighteen birthday really turned out. Kageyama never kissed Hinata. Kageyama was so afraid that Hinata would leave him, that he never gathered the strenght to confess to his best friend. 

But Hinata left anyways.

Tobio turned the water off and walked out, clothes dripping wet and his hair falling over his face. He felt like a fucking guy in a love story, lost in the rain as his lover ran away. He felt sick, melancholic, nostalgic, confused, lost, weak, miserable and sad.

He felt really, really sad.

Tobio took his wet clothes of, and threw them to the sink, not worring if they dried off or not. He picked a towel from the shelve and tried take the water out of his body.

He walked then to his room and proceded to get a pair of boxers and stop being naked. Once that necesary action was fullfilled, he threw himself to the mattres and stared at the ceiling. He closed his eyes and images of Hinata’s close flustered face apperead in his mind, so he opened them again.

Why wasn’t he able to let go of Hinata? To move on, to accept the fact that they weren’t in each others life’s anymore. Why had he to be so obsessed, that the second he was able to find someone new he had to instatly relate her to Hinata.

Maybe it was like they said in the movies, and because he never confessed and got rejected he was trapped in a life circle of uncorresponded love. He should have confessed. He should have kissed him.

Hinata left anyways, things would’ve only been a little more uncomftarble later, but that’s it. Kageyama used to think it was okay to keep his feelings hidden as long as Hinata stayed by his side, and then he was left with nothing.

And now it felt like Hinata’s ghost hunted him, and all it represents: Karasuno, his high school team, his youth, his past.

Kageyama was scared of the past.

Tobio jumped out of the bed suddently and ran to the kitchen. His phone was on the counter, full charged but still conected to the wall. The man almost tore it off and started tipping furiosly on it.

The line beeped for a few seconds, then a ‘click’, and before an angry voice could ask why the fuck was he calling eight am in the morning, Kageyama blurted:

-Yamaguchi totally pulls out long hair better tan you.-

 

********

 

After talking (insult each other) with Tsukishima, Tobio decided that he had a great time yesterday. So he went ahead and visited Shizuku.   
It was Friday, and she was outside the building, smoking a cigarette when Kageyama appeared.

He got surprised when he saw her like that, but it wasn’t anything wrong. He was used to avoid smoking because it was bad for his body, and most of his fellow players also did so.

-Kageyama!- she greeted him happily. Tobio smiled (or tried to, she was probably already used to his scary smirk, right?). –Trying to sneak out and train a little? Cause nothing gets away from this girl buddy.-

-I just came to see you,- he confessed bluntly and a big red flush spread in her face.

-W-well, Uh, I-i came to see you t-too.- she said akwardly.

-Dumbass think before you speak.- 

-Hey!- she said turning around and starting to walk into the gimnasium. Tobio followed. –I ment I was about to go see you too!-.

Kageyama followed her without paying attention, and before he could realice it was already too late. They were in front of the door that lead to the stands of the stadium, and she lifted her shoulder when he threw her a deadly glare. 

-There’s a practice match today and I want to see it.-

Kageyama blinked. There was a practice match? How was it even posible that he didn’t knew!

In the court, his well known teammates were warming up for the game. They were playing against PPPPP university team, and Kageyama wanted to scram because he was looking foward to that match for months! He’d heard Kuuro Tetsuro had ended in that unversity and was anxious to fight him.

And his guesses seemed to be true, as one of his formers ‘Battle of The Trash’ enemies was standing right there, streching his arms. Bokuto seemed to be louder because of his prescence, Kageyama could hear his yells all the way from there.

-I was really looking foward for this match,- Shizuku said next to him remembering Kageyama of her prescence. -PPPPP team has had an asome block system since Kuuro entered the team.-

-You know him?- Kageyama asked curious.

-I had an internship as nurse in PPPPP,- she explained.

Kageyama nooded. –He’s aways been a good blocker. His High School was rivals with mine, and we used to play a lot of practice matches against each other.-

Kageyama wanted to keep talking. To explain that his best friend, Hinata, was friends with Nekoma’s setter Kenma and that they somethimes visited Tokyo to hang out.

-I met him on his third year, thought. So I didn’t much against him.-

-Aah,- Shizuku said nostalgic. –High School Voleyball seems nice.-

Kageyama turned to see her, and her gaze was fixtated to the front. There was a melancholy expression on her face, and a tiny smile that didn’t appear in the lips, but in her eyes.

There was something behind that expression and Kageyama felt curious. –Didn’t you try Voleyball when you were young?-

She turned around to match his eyes surprised, and quickly moved her gaze. –There wasn’t a Voleyball team on my High School,- she answered fast.

And then, Kageyama remembered. He barely slept in the whole night because of that question, how was he able to forget it? 

‘Yachi said she met Shizuku in college. Shizuku said she met Yachi in High School.’

-What High School did you go to?- he asked.

Shizuku lowered her head and red curls covered her face, so Kageyama wasn’t able to see it. Before Kageyama could ask if anything was wrong, she moved suddently, lifting her arm and pointing to the court.

-Look!- she yelled and Tobio jumped back in surprise. –The match is about to start Kageyama-kun! I’m not sure if I should cheer PPPPP or the boys…-

She stood up and placed her hands in front of her mouth as a megaphone. –Good luck guys! Have fun!-

In the court, Kuuro Tetsuro started yelling and waving at Shizuku, and Kageyama wondered if anyone saw him. By the look on Oikawa’s face, the answer was yes. 

 

*******

The match ended as a full five sets with Japan’s victory. At the end, PPPPP good blocking system wasnt able to put a fight with Ushijima’s spikes.

Afterwards, both teams decided to meet up at a bar to have a coulple of drinks and celebrate. Kageyama was invited, bu he rejected the offer, not willing to ‘celebrate’ a match he didn’t play.

It was an asome game, with really good strategies (born from the genius Oikawa, of course), and even better block. It seemed as Oikawa and Kuuro were fighting against each other, and Tobio was sure Tooru would do his best to bother Kuuro later at the bar.

Watching a Voleyball match with Shizuku was, probably, the worst decision Kageyama could take. The girl was loud and exited, yelling at each score and cheering the players.   
She was even worst than Hinata, and it broke Kageyama’s world in two because there was someone worse than Hinata when it came to voleyball.

Mind blowing.

The match was so fricking good that Kageyama wanted to play more than he’d ever wanted in his entire life (specially with the fact that there was never anything that actually stopped him from playing voleyball until now). He wondered if that was how it felt to stop smoking, but Tobio was sure his whole body was buzzing with energy ready to waste. He tried to run away from the court as fast as he could, because if he saw a voleyball he would lose it.

He even rejected going for a cofee with Shizuku to run away from that voleyball need, and ran all the way home to waste some energy.

“Now I understand the term voleyball freak”, Kageyama realized.

There was also another reason he didn’t wanted to go out with the girl right away, and it was because he felt weird since he asked her about her High School. There was no way she didn’t hear the question, right? So she definitely avoided it. Or maybe she really did get distracted with the game.

But if Kageyama spent any more time along with her, he would end up ansking the question again, and she could’ve avoided it for other reasons, right? He didn’t want to seem pushy.

So Tobio ran away from all the social interactions he was offered (College all over again). He ordered some pizza, put on his favorite hoodie, sat on his couch with Karasu and somehow ended his Friday night talking with that asshole of Tsukishima.

-You know,- Tsukishima said over the line and Tobio took a bite of his pizza. –I’m surprised you were even invited to the bar. I was sure the whole team would avoid you Middle School Style.-

-I’m not surprised of you trying to pick a fight on me over the phone, knowing I can’t punch you.-

-Oh please. You may have Voleyball arms, but I would totally beat your lame ass.-

Tobio ignored the statemente and kept talking. –Back in High School, you always insulted me when Daichi, Suga and in third year Yamaguchi were around, because you knew they would stop me.-

-Why don’t you come to my apartment and we fix this problem right now if you’re soo strong, eh King?-

-Yamaguchi is in your apartment he would stop us and you know it.-

-Scared?-

-You wish.-

-Oh, but you should. Yamaguchi doesn’t like fights, and years’ve made him scary.-

-Yamaguchi’s always been scary. He was Daichi and Suga’s lovechild and he learnt from them,- Kageyama corrected.

Kei snorted at the other line, and Tobio was sure it was to hide a laughter.

-So, why did you call this time King? Another nightmare?-

Kageyama only told him ‘he was having nightmares’ and he regretted the second it came out of his lips. Tsukisima somehow had mentioned it twelve times alredy.

-You fuck I will kill you.-

-Yamaguchi wil avenge me.-

-You’re too lucky to have him.-

-Damn right I am,- he answeared. –So if it wasn’t a nightmare what was it this time? Is there a monster in your closet?-

-Nah, I just saw your face- he answerd and Kei snorted once more.

-That was a miror,- and now he was full laughing at the other line. Kageyama frowned. That was a sensitive topic!

His face had gotten thougher as he became adult, and he was now scarier tan before. The few times he saw his High School photos (wich he avoided because there was a certain orange haired boy who appeared in all of them), he found his old face soft and sweet like an angel’s.

And then he would see Hinata’s face, and there’s no way that angry looking boy could be an angel next to Shoyou’s smile.

Tsukishima had stopped laughing, and there was a coversation at the other line.

“ng… bed” Kageyama could hear.

“Kay… Ming ..ght aw… Kageyama…”

“G.. night…”

-Hey,- Tsukishima’s voice was loud compared to the whispers he’d been trying to hear and it sourprised Tobio a little. –Yamaguchi is sleepy, so we’re going to bed. Bye King.-

-Wait!- Kageyama said before he hanged out.

-What is it? If you wanted company you should’ve…-

-There’s something I need to ask you,- Tobio explained unsure. 

-Go on.-

Kageyama gulped. –You see, I haven’t… seen Hinata, since High School,- he stopped, but Tsukishima didn’t say anything and Tobio wondered if this was a good idea. 

Well, it was the only idea he had. Yamaguchi and Shoyou were friends, right? He sure had his phone or something…

-I was wondering If you, or Yamaguchi… had... talked with him, or something. I… I… It’s been like five years and I’ve…-

-Kageyama,- Tsukishima said at the other line and Tobio bit his lip.

-I miss him,- he blurted out.

There was a silence at the other line and Kageyama wondered if Tsukishima would make fun oh him and hang up. But after a few seconds his voice finally appeared and Tobio wasn’t sure if he felt better or worse.

-I also haven’t seen him. Tadashi either. He abandoned us all, I’m sorry.-

Tsukishima’s voice sounded angry and the way he said it left Kageyama’s heart throbing. ‘He abandoned us all’, ‘He abandoned us…’ ‘He abandoned…’

-I miss him too.-

A small click and the beeping told Kageyama Kei’d hanged up.

“He abandoned me”

**********

Kageyama was running. He went out jogging, his usual route, the well known streets of his neightbourhood. He was running and thinking and trying to escape from the dream he had this time. He was running on cement and then he was in a building. And the he was in the gym. With a voleyball in his hands.

Kageyama was playing Voleyball. Kageyama was finally playing voleyball.

It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t his fault. It was Shizuku’s, with her red hair and her Hinata resemblance and Kageyama’s stupid bet! Why did he even made that bet?! He had been afraid to win and now he was dissapointed to lose. Why did he even made the damn bet?! 

It wasn’t his fault. It was another dream. Another damn dream.

The last time he ever saw Hinata. His orange head, that hair that seemed so soft; those brigt beaming eyes, his big prescence. Hinata was always there, always spiked the ball, always smiled at him.

The last time. Their last time.

The ball hit the floor at the other side of the net with ‘tump’, and the gym stayed in silence.

Kageyama stayed in silence.   
Without Hinata, there was only silence.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apoligize in advance for what you're going to read. It honestly broke my heart in pieces writting it...   
> Idk if the chpter's kinda weird written though, what do you think? And have they been too short lately?
> 
> Angst is my middle name, and from this chapter foward there will be p a i n.
> 
> Also you guys are a bunch of demons! With your nice comments you make me want to write more and more! 
> 
> I also want to tell you guys that before starting this story, I was in serious need for an editor because of my grammar problems, and I asked for help too from someone transgender because I wanted to make the story as real as I could.  
> Now that I see in the comments trans people it makes me really really happy! At the end I had to look for information in the internet about it, that's why I hope my story doesn't let down your expectations! I will try my best to make it as real as possible!  
> And if you think the characterisation is poorly written, please tell!
> 
> Enjoy!

Kageyama wasn’t one to arrive late.

Well, that’s what he thought. He wasn’t the kind of person to forget a date, or to spend too much time getting ready (*cough*, Oikawa, *cough*). He usually left his house with plenty of time to arrive at the meeting place, but tended to forget his incredibly hability to get lost, mix up the trains or things worse.

So, even when he considered himself someone who was always on time, this was barely true.

But this time, he was actually trying to arrive late.   
So it was so frustrating that he couldn’t archieve it. When he was about to get in the wrong bus, it broke; for some reason there was cero traffic in the middle of Tokyo and their bus driver, (the right one), seemed extra hurried to end his shift and get home.

And Kageyama arrived at their usual bar fifteen minutes early. This meant, he would be alone when Keiji and Bokuto arrived for probably half an hour before Iwaizumi and Oikawa arrived.

Just a few hours ago, telling the thruth to his friends made him anxious, but it wasn’t that serious. And then, Oikawa called him, to remind him of what he had to do and to tell him lots of things he didn’t care for and then when he was about to hang up, Tooru threw a bomb to Kageyama’s mind.

“Oh, I forgot to tell you, remember the ‘celebration’ for the practice match against PPPPP? I kind off drank too much and told Keiji that you lied to us. He’s kind off mad. Sorry!”

Kageyama was left in caos and silence.

Because mad Keiji was demon. And because Keiji hated being lied to. And because he was totally fucked up. 

Tobio entered the local and the warm atmosphere of people having fun surrounded him. A waitress with some beers walked fastly in front of him and left them in a table with two guys, laughing flirty.

Kageyama felt left out, and walked to their usual table. He sat and took out his phone, hoping Bokuto didn’t make Keiji arrive later than usual. Or maybe, it would be better if they arrived later.

Another waiter walked next to his table and he called him.

-Beer please,- Tobio ordered, and the man nooded.

A few minutes later the waiter came back and placed a glass blotte in the table. It was cold and bubbly when Tobio put it on his mouth, and he emptied the jar in a few gulps. He left the blottle back on the table with force and lifted slowly his gaze to notice the waiter was still there, looking at him surprised and scared.

-Do you want me to bring another one?-

-Yes please.-

It wasn’t like Kageyama was planning to get drunk on purpose. Most people became more easy going and talked easily whle drunk, but he wasn’t one of them. It seemed that alcohol increased his antisocialness and it was common for drunk Kageyama to just stare angrily at people, not talking the whole night (Oikawa and Iwaizumi where absolutely freaked out about it).

And somewhere deep in his mind was a racional voice telling him that he should wait for the others to start drinking.   
Tobio wasn’t one to pay attention to his rational mind.

By the time a well known short black curly head nexto to a weirl black-to-white dyied spiky head, Kageyama was on his fourth beer. Luckily, (or in this case, badly), for him, he had also a good acohol ressistance. 

He didn’t even have to wave at them for Bokuto to find him, and scream at him from the other side of the bar, with his usual, “¡Hey, Hey, Hey!” and his big smile. Next to him, it seemed clear that Keiji wasn’t on a good humor; he had his arms crossed, and his eyes refused to meet Kageyama’s.

Tobio stood up to greet them and Bokuto made a comment about the amound of dry beer bottels standing of the table.

-I came here early,- he excused.

His two friends sat in front of him at the other side of the table. There was a akward tension between them, almost unnoticeable thanks to Bokuto’s constant talking and cheerful atittude. Akaashi was clearly mad at him, and while the boy was a person of few words he now seemed reluctant to even adress him. And on the other side, Kageyama’s drunkish state made him feel like he forgot what speaking was.

Tobio found it somehow admiring, the fact that Bokuto was able to form a conversation between them by himself.

But he knew that avoiding the talk wouldn’t do any good. He didn’t want Akaashi to be mad at him, and he felt guilty for lying to his friends. 

Had speaking been always this hard to him? Sure, he wasn’t known as a chatty person, and he usually enjoyed quiet over noise. But right now, Kageyama could feel the words burning in his throath, craving to be said, and yet, they wouldn’t come out. 

Why couldn’t he adress the problem? “I lied to you.” Those words repeated in his head over and over as he wanted to talk, but his mouth refused to open, his voice refused to come.

Maybe it would’ve been easiear if he had listened to that rational voice, but right now it wasn’t only the alcohol stopping him from talking.

Kageyama bit his lips, furious. He felt a pain in his hands and looked down, to see his fists clenched and his nails piercing on his skin.

He was so caught up in himself, he didn’t hear that Bokuto stopped talking. He only realised the silence around him when Akaashi soft voice surrounded him. 

-Oikawa said you have something to tell us, Kageyama-kun.-

Tobio lifted his gaze to meet up with Akaashi’s. He felt admiration towards the other man, who was able to speak just those nine words, who was able to do what seemed so imposible for Kageyama.

-I do,- he answered, and he even surprised himself with how easy it was. –I need to apologice to you.-

They didn’t say anything and Kageyama felt thankful. Even Bokuto, whose prescence had been so loud and full minutes ago, was silent and waiting for Kageyama to speak.

-I lied when I said I was dating Yachi Hitoka. It’s another girl the one I’ve been seeing.-

-What? Why? Who?- Bokuto asked sudden.

Kageyama felt his throath closing. –Calm down, Bokuto-san,- Akaashi scolded him.

-Oh, right, sorry.-

-Her name’s Shizuku, and she’s a traumatologist, of Japan’s team. I met her when I was injured, in that game last week.-

-I know her!- Bokuto exclamed, cheerful, -She’s the one that looks like Hinata!-

All feeling of reliev dissapeared from Kageyama.   
He felt embarrasment crawl up to his chest and he looked down, refusing to meet his friends gaze. He wished they never found out the truth, he wished he didn’t have to tell them.  
Having a crush on his teammate back in high school and not being over it was a fact he didn’t like to address a lot. (Bokuto and Keiji were experts on that though).

Still, would they judge him? They weren’t homophobes, it was obvius, but it wasn’t that. It was the fact that he fell in love with Hinata, and now he missed him so much he started dating a woman who resembled him.  
It was horrible! When did he turn in an asshole? Of course they would judge him for using other people like that.

Now, true to be told, it wasn’t like that anymore. He did like Shizuku now, for who she truly was, but the reason for him to ask her out in the first place was still the same, and it embarrased Kageyama.

And the fact that he got so caught up in this mess, and the fact that deep down inside his heart he couldn’t see the difference between Hinata and Shizuku anymore was all a punishment to him for being a douchbag.

A loud, cheerful laughter distracted Tobio from his self-hate. He looked up and was surprised to see Oikawa and Iwaizumi, standing in front of their table.

-Iwa-chan! Did you see that? Did you see Tobio’s face?- Oikawa bursted into laughter. –Oh man! I wish I brought my camera with me today.-

-Hey!- Kageyama jumped from the chair, offended.

-Your little secret has been discoreved,- he laughed, while pointing his finger against Kageyama’s chest.

-That’s not-!-

-It was an amusing face, Kageyama-kun.- Akaashi was smiling teasingly and a red blush appeared in Tobio’s face.

-You should’ve seen him before you came! He looked like he may puke,- Bokuto said.

-Hey!- Kageyama complained again. –Of course I was nervous, I didn’t wanted you to…-

-Realize your crush on Hinata?- Iwaizumi interrupted him with a smile. -Because we all knew that.-

-All Karasuno knew that,- Akaashi mumbled under his breath.

-Please, everyone who atended the nationals knew that.- Oikawa didn’t bother to keep his voice down.

-I wasn’t that obvius!- He complained unsure.

A soft evil grin appeared in Oikawa’s face. –Do you want me to discuss that with actual facts?-

-Hell no,- Kageyama answered fast, and sat down. Oikawa and Iwaizumi followed him, sitting right next to him.

-I thought you guys were dating for half a year,- Bokuto confessed. –Hinata was really flustered when I asked him about it.-

-You asked him about it?!- Tobio cried out, a big blush spreading in his face.   
Oikawa and Iwaizumi laughed loudly at him. He watched the barman walk closely to their table, and jumped to call him. –Another beer please.-

The man nooded and he sat down. All of his friends threw him the kind of look that said: ‘Are you sure about it?’, and ‘You’re gonna regret this tomorrow’. Kageyama didn’t care.

Hopefully, he would be able to forget that night even happened.

-So…- Bokuto started, -You’re dating the orange-haired?-

Kageyama nooded akwardly, not really wanting to insist on it.   
Maybe they noticed he really didn’t want to talk about it. Or maybe Kageyama’s love-life wasn’t much of an interesting theme to talk. Luckily for him, Oikawa started telling them about his recent fight with his new coworker and the subject was dropped.

That didn’t mean Kageyama would feel any less of an asshole to Shizuku. And it deffinitly didn’t stopped him from drinking.

Wasn’t it all easier when drunk? His friends voice seemed more distant, and Tobio could pretend they weren’t there. All the noice of the bar seemed distant too. Shizuku, Hinata, the bet. No problems when he was drunk, no more problems at all.  
Man, how easier college would’ve been with a couple of beers.

Iwaizumi and Oikawa were the first ones to leave, and Kageyama saw them hugging each other on the way out, a slip of what they probably’d be doing later at home, a longing touch.  
Bokuto wasn’t one to hold liqour, and he bursted out crying when Oikawa and Iwaizumi left, complaining of being abandoned and saying how much he’d miss them.  
So a few minutes later Akaashi was holding Bokuto next no him and keeping him from falling, as the man laughed and screamed at strangers with all his might. 

Kageyama gave a quick goodbye, watched them leave, and sat down on their table. His, now.

And as he crossed his arms and stared into nothing, he realized, alcohol wasn’t as big as a problem solver he had just thought. Because he was now thinking of Hinata and the dream (and Shizuku, and the bet, and him being an asshole, and…) again.   
He was holding his hand out, about to ask the waiter for another beer (with the hope of just forgeting once again) when a gente hand put his arm down.

Keiji was in front of him, staring with troubled eyes. Tobio felt it would be useless to complain, so he crossed his arms, and once again stared into nothingness.

-I miss him.-

Keiji didn’t said nothing, didn’t complain.

-I dream about him every day, I never dream but since I started dating Shizuku he appears every night,- Tobio paused to meet with Akaashi’s gaze, and his watery eyes caused the other man to flinch.- They’re so alike! Not just physical, but their attitude, it’s like meeting him all over again. And I hate it because she makes me miss him even more.-

-It’s bad for you,- Keiji spoke, sorrow clear in his voice. –Maybe she’s bad for you.-

-It’s better to have a painful Hinata than no Hinata at all,- he complained.

-But she’s not Hinata.-

-I know!- Kageyama yelled. He covered his face with his hands, bitting his lips furiously. –I know! I know, I fucking know it. But it’s so hard to remind myself of it.-

-Kageyama. -Keiji’s voice was dead serious and he had to look him straight in the eyes. It became softer the second time he spoke, as to soften the wound. –You can’t hurt her.-

-But I love her.-

-You love Hinata- Keiji corrected. Kageyama’s heart was beeting fast against his chest and every thumb was painful.

-I do. I really really do.- There were tears falling down his cheeks and he did nothing to stop them. What could be done? It wasn’t the first time he cried for Hinata, and it wouldn’t be the last.

Shoyou had been so mean! What he had done had been so mean. And yet Kageyama couldn’t bring himself to hate him, to blame him.  
He should be able to move on. Many years had passed, he should be able to forget about him. At first, it was really hard for Kageyama to even play Volleyball. Yet he had done it.

Why wasn’t he able to love someone else? Or to fall in love with someone, who doesn’t look like Hinata’s grown up, mature, female version?

-Did I ever tell you about the last time I saw him?- Tobio asked with a broken voice. Keiji shook his head. - It were holidays. We played together and hung around some time. Then we walked to the train station and I waved im off, I don’t remember why did he have to take the train though.  
I was going to move to Tokyo in a week, and he was going to visit his family in JJJJJ. But then he would move out too. We had both been accepted together in FFFF university, with sport scorlarships and all, you know, that freak odd duo. It was FFFF team, and then Japan, and then the world, just like we promised.-

Kageyama cleaned his tears before going on, but they were quickly replased with new ones.

-A week before college he stopped answering my messages. I didn’t think much of it, in a week we would see each other, and we would start our college’s lives together and we would play voleyball together, like it should be. Everything was like it should be.  
But then, on the first day of college, Hinata wasn’t there. And the next days he wasn’t there. And in administration they said, they said, ‘no Hinata Shoyou was registered in this University’. And he wouldn’t answear my calls. Neither would his mother, or the landline of his house back at Miyagi.-

Keiji was crying too, now. Of course he was. Just like Tsukishima said, “He abandoned us all”. Akaashi probably already knew the whole story, he probably missed him too.

-I was so caught up, so worried in finding him, that I went back to Miyagi without telling anyone, but the neightbours said the Hinata’s moved out. And then I went to JJJJJ because, what could I do? But of course no one knew them, and I didn’t know where to look. JJJJJJ is a big city. I was absent for two weeks and I almost got myself kicked out from Voleyball team. My mother was worried sick, probably more for my studies though.-

-I’m so sorry, Kageyama.-

He wasn’t crying anymore. Neither of them were crying anymore.

Tobio smiled. –He dissapeared, just like that. We were laughing together and dreaming of going to college together and then he was just gone. And I don’t know anything! What if he died? What If something happened to him, or to anyone in his family? I didn’t know anything, I still don’t know anything, I’m just, it’s just…-

-Kageyama, please.-

-It’s so fucking unfair. They said he wasn’t even registered. He should’ve told me if he was planning to run away. He should’ve said goodbye. All I know is one day, my future was bright and full of sun and the next, it was hollow as a graveyard. And just like that, I’ve never seen him again.-

 

The next morning, Tobio doesn’t remembers how he managed to get back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry not sorry...


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!! You little meanies, commenting to force me to update! I love it thoug so please keep doing it!!  
> So this chapter is... a thing. Please enjoy it and don't kill me afterwars.  
> Ny the way! I've been re-watching Haikyuu and seeing how much Kageyama has changed, and his relationship with Hinata is like, wow. Have any of you guys noticed it? Like at first Kageyama was a ball of anger, and shouted him all the time, and now they´re soo buddies, best friends forever. It's soo cute!  
> Hahah I know it has nothing to do with the fc but I was just thinking about it.  
> Please enjoy!

His head hurt.

Like bad. Really bad. Losing to Aoba Josai level of bad. Ending up in a fight with Oikawa for accident level of bad (It happend before they became friends, and they both said really ugly things to each other).

He had to gather all his strenght to get up, and the world started rolling the moment he moved. Karasu, who was in his lap he realized, meowed and jumped. Her cry sounded way louder than usual, and it sent his head in another set of migraines. 

What time was it? Sunrays were entering his living room through the window. It seemed that last night he didnt bother to close the blinds. He could hear outside the soft noises of city life, like a bus passing through or a honk. He stretched his arm to pick up his phone and look for the hour, but when he tried to unlock it he discovered it was dead.

It was Monday. Kageyama hadn’t got anything to do that day. And last night’s mental wound was still present.

He turned on the TV, and got up only to go get a blancket from his room. He then started scrolling around until he was too tired to pretend he could find something he’d like, and left his phone to charge before getting himself comftarble.

It wasn’t until and hour and a half of boring himself to dead with some lame ass soap opera when he remembered that Kageyama had, in fact, something to do that day.

Oh. Oh fuck.

He had a date. With Shizuku.  
Kageyama put the news channel on and watched the hour. 14:28. He was supposed to meet her in the park at 13:00.   
He was totally screwed.

And the worst of all was he didn’t have Shizuku’s number. Their casual dating arrangement has seemed so perfect and now it was a fucking nightmare. He walked to the counter, where his phone was getting charged, and disconnected it.

Yachi and Shizuku were roomates, maybe she could send her number to him. Kageyama searched for her number in contacts and pressed call.

The long beepings of the phone call were frustrating and Yachi was taking too much to answear.

“Hello? Kageyama-kun? How are you?” The girl’s cheerful voice greeted through the phone.

“Yachi-san, Hi, I’m fine.” He said uncomftarble. Kageyama wasn’t one for small talk.

“How can I help you?”

“I-. emm, do you have Shizuku’s phone number? By any chance?”

“Sure, is everything okay? Did something happend?”. Her tone was insinuating and Kageyama didn’t understand why.

“Yeah, sure, emm we were supposed to see each other today and I, well…”

“Didn’t show up?” Yachi’s tone was scary and harsh and Tobio gulped.

“Yeah…”

“She’s on her room. You better apologize to her”

“Wait, are you going to pass her the phone?”

There was only silence at the other side of the line.

“No Yachi! Wait! I don’t know how to apologize yet! Yachi?”

“Hello?”

“Shizuku!”

“Kageyama! Is everything alright? I was really worried when you didn’t show up today”. Worried? Wasn’t she angry?

“Yes, I’m fine, everything’s fine.”

“Oh,” she answered unsure. “That’s good then.”

Kageyama felt his throath dry.

“I, ugh, need to apologize. For not showing up, I’m really sorry.”

“It’s okay. I’m not mad at all.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I was just worried.”

“Sorry,” He repeated.

“I said no apologies, geez, Kageyama-kun!”

A soft smile appeared in his lips. “Sorry.”

There was a small silence before one of them spoke again.

“Do you have something to do right now?” he asked.

“No, I had the whole day free. What do you have in mind?”

“Do you… want to meet? Like, to fix up for not showing up?”

She laughed. “Kageyama-kun you’re such a gentleman.”

“Well, we don’t have to if you don’t want to, I mean, It was just-“

“Yes,” she interrupted him. “I’d love to meet. Bar OOOO.”

“At four”, he added.

“Don’t leave me waiting this time,” And she hung up.

**********

Many would say Kageyama was a lucky bastard.

And even though he was having dreams about the past that hurt him every night, he had the first injury in the story of his career and wasn’t able to play volleyball (wich he loved), he had a horrible hangover because of last night, he was tired as fuck and his stupid heart was unable to let go of his stupid first crush, he felt lucky.

-You’re an ass, Kageyama-kun-.

Shizuku was staring at him with half a simile and a pork bun in her hands. Her red curls fell on her shoulders and got caught in the black hoodie she was wearing.

-Hey!- he complained. – I just bought you pork buns!-

-You- she pointed at his chest. –Bought these because you lost a bet. And four pork buns isn’t the right way to pay off-

-Four pork buns are perfect to divide between two-

-You little cheap ass! Two buns is nothing!-

Kageyama laughed. –Well you’re a grown up woman. You can buy your own pork buns.-

-When you said you were going to pay off for ditching me this isn’y what I was expecting- she complained, but there was a smile on her face.

They were in a park now, after leaving the bar. It was 17:46, but the sun was far from setting. Kageyama had paid for the meal, and had told the girl not to eat too much that they had buns waiting for them. She made fun of him a lot for losing the bet.

Kageyama was happy she gave him the chance to go out even though he overslept, and that she didn’t get angry. He knew because of Oikawa how mad girls could become, but Shizuku seemed to hold no grundge against him.

True to be told, Kageyama didn’t knew much about girls, so he didn’t have anything to compare to. But to him, Shizuku was special.

Putting aside her resemblance to Hinata, she was a truly special girl. The fact that she was able to get along with him made it clear. 

She was somehow ignorant of her beauty, acting like she was just average and laughing shyly when strangers told her about how cute she was. She was often surprised when they walked in the same local twice and the owner recognized her, as if her outgoing attitude and her warn smiles didn’t leave a print on your soul.   
She loved talking, and Kageyama loved her voice, as she told him over and over about her volleyball team, or stories about college with Yachi (and most of the time Kageyama got distracted and forgot half of it, or got lost in her voice, so she started a fight with him that ended up in laughter).

And if he stopped to think about it, she was asome. Finished med school in less than five years, got a job for Japan, works her ass up to pay her debts. Kageyama didn’t even finish college, and his parents paid for it.

They just met for one week and a half, but Kageyama felt like he knew her deeply. Even though he actually knew very few facts about her, like her family, where she grew up, and things like that. She was a mysterious person.  
But if someone asked him, ‘what whould Shizuku do in this situation?’ he felt like he could answer. And when she talked about things she did in the past, Kageyama could’t help but think, ‘That’s so Shizuku’.

He definitely was a lucky bastard.

-Earth to Kageyama, I repeat, earth to Kageyama Is someone there?-

He blincked a few times before looking at her. –What were we talking about?-

-You were about to buy me some pork buns.-

-Oh, right.-

 

***********

At 19:36, they said they decided to call it a day. Kageyama offered to walk her home, and for the first time she didn’t decline. They didn’t have to walk much until they reached a small apartment complex. She offered Kageyama to go up for a coffee and he said yes. He asked her where was Yachi. She told him she went to visit a friend and would be staying with her for a few weeks. They sat on the couch and chatted.

And then, Kaheyama kissed her.

Her lips tasted like sugar and coffee. He places his hand on her cheek and it was soft to the touch, like he’d imagined. She leaned on his touch and Kageyama did the same with his other hand.

She was warm. So warm.

There was a warmness in the way their lips touched over and over, and it was soft and innocent until Kageyama pushed his tonge between between her lips wanting more. He pushed forward and both of them fell over the couch, his body over hers.

She was holding his shoulder and pushing him close. Kageyama’s hands left her cheeks and started moving down, to her neck and under her boobs. And then he lowered them even more and grabbed the girl’s hip, getting under the fabric and feeling her warm soft white skin.

It felt familiar.

And then, Kageyama wasn’t kissing Shizuku anymore. It was his eighteen birthday and Hinata was under him, laughing like a sun. He was kissing Hinata, the boy he loved with all his heart. He surrounded her small hip whit his hands, just like he did back then.   
And then he lifted them under the fabric.

But there weren’t any muscle there. And he felt the stip of a bra whit his fingers.  
Kageyama opened his eyes to find that in wasn’t Hinata the one who he was kissing.

He jumped away suddently, heart beating fast. Shizuku stared at him confused. Her face was flustered and her red curls looked messy.

-Kageyama-kun?-

No. No, no, nononono, no. What had he done?! How could he… he was kissing Shizuku, he was gfinally kissing her and then… Why did Hinata appear?! Why couldn’t him let go?!

He felt his eyes burn and blinkend fastly to stop the tears from falling. Hinata. It was all about Hinata. No matter what… No matter who…

It would always go back to Hinata.

-I’m sorry,- he mumbled, refusing to meet her eyes. –I’m so sorry Shizuku, but-

-Kageyama-kun, wait, I…-

-We can’t see each other anymore.-

He didn’t look at her. He didn’t want to see her face. And he didn’t want her to see his face. He just got up, grabbed his coat, and left the apartment. He just wanked away, not knowing the way. He never knew the way anyway. 

He didn’t run Maybe he wanted to, it felt like he should, but his heart hurt and his body hurt and the headache from this morning was stronger than ever. There were tears falling down his eyes and people threw him werid looks but he ignored them.

Kageyama was a lucky bastard. A fucking bastard that kept throwing away the things life gave him. What was there luck for if he always ruined it? And he was so fucking greedy he always wanted something else. When he became a prodigious setter in high school he was left alone and wanted a team. When he had Hinata he wanted a relasionship and got abandoned.   
When he met Shizuku he wanted a memory so he left her.

He wanted to scream, and punch something and cry, cry, cry and cry until Hinata came back and made him feel better.

Because he’d fucked all up once more. And he was so fucking tired of fucking things up.

So now it was luck who was getting fucked. Kageyama didn’t need luck anymore. He needed Hinata Shoyou, the love of his life and the person who taught him what true happiness meant, the only one who stood next to him through all and the guy who teached him the benefits of relating with others.

So he was going to get him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLOT TWIST! As I said before, from last chapter, including this one, and foward, we will be drowning in angst and hurt.  
> Don't hate me lol


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WAIT! Read these notes before launching boward into the chapter!! I have some important things to say.
> 
> First of all, damn. This chapter. Is. Too. Much.  
> It's fucking long, It's fucking sad, It's fucking revealing, did I say it's fucking long? Oh, and I cried writting it. I put tears on this shit.  
> So after these long piece of a chapter, I will take a little longer to update because damn I need a rest. Promise it won't be too long, hahah, not more than two weeks (the momory of that two months vacation's still fresh isn't it).  
> Too much things happen in this chapter. We have angsty Kageyama. We have angsty Hinata (yesss I said Hinata).  
> We have angsty backstory.
> 
> Don't worry though! there's still angst waiting for us in the future as well :) 
> 
> I want to give you a big fat warning because there's swearing, insults and transphobia here. I don't want to trigger anyone, but I feel like I need to put Hinata's doubts and fears in display.  
> Have in mind that nothing said here is true, they're things said from ignorant people, they're fears the character has, but they're in no way true, I absolutely do not believe them, and if anyone does then they are shit and have no right to, so I'll kick they ugly asses.
> 
> I also want to say that if you do not agree with the way Hinata's backstory is told to say it in the comments.  
> I will warn you that frm now on I'll write the characters the way I see it and I will make this story the way I think it shall unfould, and it will probably touch polemic and some or many of your may disagree with me. I encourage you to write your complains in the comments but I will not change the story (probably).  
> I would like to hear your thoughs about it too, and I will share mine.
> 
> As I always say, please enjoy!

-I’m sorry,- he said, clenching his fists.

It was his fault. It was all his fault. Hinata was running around like always, jumping high and spiking his tosses. His blocking was being really good too, he and Tsukishima had the rival’s spikers totally worn out.  
He seemed to be on top form, so Kageyama kept pushing; faster, stronger, higher.

He knew Hinata could do it. He always did. He was the only one who was able to hit his tosses, Tobio didn’t doubt he could spike these ones.

And the, Hinata went too fast, and fell. Hard.  
The boy let out a painful cry and Kageyama felt like a bucket of cold water was thrown on him. He turned to see him curled on the floor, holding his wrist like it was on fire. He was biting his lips, eyes closed because of the pain, and Kageyama could only stare in horror.

Yachi ran to him, followed by Takeda and Ukai. She helped him stand up, and the boy was about to complain when Ukai spoke.

—Don´t even say you can still play, we all saw that fall and we all heard you scream. — Hinata looked down ashamed. —Yachi, take him to the infirmary. —

The girl noded, and both of them left the gym befores Kageyama could say anything.

They won, of course. They were several points ahead, and didn’t even need to play a third set.

But it was a sour victory without Hinata, and Kageyama was so caught up in himself, full of guilt and regret, he started failing his tosses, so Ukai had to take him out.

At the end of the match, the team went to see Hinata at the infimary but he refused. Said he had to shower, too much sweat.  
Tobio knew he had to visit him at some point, but better later than soon. 

Maybe some cold water would help him calm down. Maybe some minutes alone would slow his wild beating heart. Maybe silence would untie the knot on his throath (it did’t).

He regreted his decision as he walked into the office all alone and without any teammates to hide behind to. He closed the door slowly, feeling Hinata’s gaze on him, but refused to look at him in the eyes.

Would he see blame? Anger? Or that fake smile Hinata always used when he wasn’t feeling well, the one he hated the most? 

-I’m sorry,- he repeated. -I should’t have tossed to you that way. It was aggressive, and fast, and risky and I kne-

-Kageyama!- the boy interrupted him, and it was so sudden it forced Tobio to lift his head. There was fury in his orange eyes and he felt his heart ache as he realized that ‘of course he hates you’. –We’ve been through this before!-

Tobio stared at him dumbfoundedly. –You’ve never had any injury,- he said with his brows crossed.

Hinata huffed. –Not that! The day we lost at Aoba Josai? Our first Nationals?-

Kageyama blincked surprised. Of course he remembered that day. He’d felt like the world was ending, thinking it was the worst thing he would ever experience. How innocent.

-I told you right? Don’t make it seem like tossing to me was the wrong choice.-

Hinata smiled at him, and Kageyama felt all his worries disappear like they never even exited. It was surprising how Hinata could influence him.

-Of course it sucks to have a brocken wrist, and it hurt like hell!- His smile grew and his eyes shone with determination. –But that toss was hella asome.-

-Of course it was!- Kageyama said with a smile of his own. –It was mine.-

-Don’t ge so cocky Bakayama! You were about to start weeping a few seconds ago!-

-What the fuck are you talking about Dumbass! I don’t weep!-

-Yes you do!-

-No I don’t!-

-Yes you do!-

-No I don’t!-

 

The train moved suddently and Kageyama Tobio opened his eyes.

It took him a few minutes to realize where he was, and why wasn’t Hinata right next to him arguing about something stupid.

-You are a total weeper,- he mumbled to himself, remembering the events two days ago.

After breacking up with Shizuku (could you call it breacking up when you weren’t actually a thing?), he went straight to bed and spent the whole night awake, regretting his stupid actions and wondering how the fuck was he going to find Hinata. 

He didn’t get a clue on what to do, so he simply decided to track back his steps since they both parted ways. 

First, he called his trainer and spent half and hour discussing with him, trying to convince the man to give him some advanced vacations.

-You realize this will probably cost you your titular position at next’s World Cup right?- he threw the bomb randomly, and Kageyama felt his world starting to crumble.

He had fought so hard for that position! He had to learn to toss to a whole team that was already head over hills with Oikawa, and then he had to form a bond with them. Kageyama didn’t form bonds!

He felt his mouth dry when he wanted to speak. But what was there to do? He had already decided he would find Hinata, now it wasn’t the time to give up.

-Now I do, - he answered. –But I still want those vacations.-

The men at the other line sighed. –You are such a thick headed aren’t ya, when you get something on your mind you don’t let it go.-

Kageyama didn’t agree, but he kept quiet about it.

-Fine, - Hibarida mumbled. –Two weeks. One month as much. But if I don’t have your ass here when those ‘vacations’ end I’ll kick it out of this fucking team.-

-Okay,- Kageyama agreed. He wasn’t sure if one month would be enough, but he had to try. Anything was better than how he felt right now.

-Can I ask why a volleyball idiot like you is giving up such an opportunity for some vacations? You aren’t one to lazy around, and I heard that the other day you were training even though you weren’t discharged yet.-

-I…- Kageyama explained unsure. –There’s someone I need to look for.-

-You better find him,- the man said roughly. He wasn’t one to be very emotive, so Tobio assumed that was his way of wishing him good luck.

-Yeah thanks. I will.-

Next thing he did was to appear in front of Tsukishima’s and Yamaguchi’s house with Karasu on his hands.

-Hell no, - Kei said and closed the door on his face.

He heard a discussion at the other side, both muffled voices of Tsukishima and Yamaguchi, and then the door opened again. Tadashi was now in front of him, and the moment his eyes landed on the cat they started shinning.

-Of course we’ll take care of it Kageyama!- he yelled without him saying anything and grabbed the animal in his hands.

Boy and cat disappeared before he could say anything and Kei threw him a full-of-hate glare that could melt ice.

-You fucking King,- he mumbled.

-Her name’s Karasu. She eats anything.-

–Can I ask why the fuck do we have to take care of your fricking cat?- Tsukishima barked furious,

He smiled. –I’m going to look for Hinata.-

Kei stared at him shocked. Tobio was expecting him to say how stupid and pointless that was, so the man just turned around and walked to the stairs. He was in the middle of the way when Tsukishima spoke again.

-Please!- he said.

Kageyama turned around fast as a lightning, surprised with the tone of his friend’s voice.  
He’d never seen him like that, so vulnerable. His eyes shone with hope, that kind of childish hope that even though one knows it’s imposible, he decides to believe. And next to that, fear.

-Please, find him.-

–Sure.- he’d promised

 

Kageyama opened the curtains, to see the mountains standing at the horizon. Just a few hours and he would be back in Miyagi.  
He felt anxious. 

Looking for Hinata meant digging up things that were better well hidden, like, for example, the fact that he was probably gay, or something close to that. He’d never had to face against it because Hinata wasn’t there anymore, so Kageyama ignored it.  
But if he wanted him back, he had to be sure at the moment of meeting him that he was ready for that.

It was also facing against memories that he wasn’t sure he wanted to remember. Beautiful memories of Hinata, but also from Suga, Daichi, Asahi, Noya-san and Tanaka, his sempais who he really liked, and who had never seen again (and probably wouldn’t). 

And over all, it meant finding the thruth, one he probably wouldn’t like.

Kageyama decided it would be better if he didn’t think of the consecuences of his acts, only focused on finding Hinata.

He will ignore the damages he was doing to his professional career, his future professional relashionship with Shizuku (because the girl still works as he same place as he does, even if he doesn´t want to), and the curses Yachi was probably throwing to him right now.

He wondered if they would demand explanations. Luckily for him, he’d forgotten his phone at home so he didn’t have to talk to anyone at the moment.

Tobio sighed, and hid further in his seat.

First, he had to find where Hinata was. Once he did that, it would be the time to get scared of the answers he’d give him.

**************

Yachi Hitoka wasn’t what you woul all, a ‘strong woman’.

Sure, she was independent, had a georgeous successful girlfriend (did she mention she’s a fucking plane pilot?), had finished college next to her best friend in less than five years, and had currently a well paid, stable job.

But she wasn’t strong.  
She was more of a peaceful, quiet girl, the kind of person who settled down with what life gave her. Not even adulthood, and working in a publisiting firm with her strong willed scary mother and her strong willed and scary co-workers had changed that.  
The only thing that changed was that now, when things got too stressful, she drank a whole bottle of wine to herself, (Yachi was proud to say that she was able to drink a lot without getting dizzy).

And no matter how many times Shizuku said the opposite, she wouldn’t change her mind about herself.

Shizuku, at the other hand, was a truly strong woman. She’d been strong all her life, anyone who knew her could tell it. Goint throgh the worst adversities, sacrifizing things she loved most because a mistake god made, and above all being able to stand the way she truly was, always with a smile on her face.

Yachi had admired her since High School. And even though lots of things changed since then, the admiration she felt towards her friend didn’t change at all, only grew stronger.

That’s why it was so shocking to see her like that.

Yachi had spent the weekend with Shimizu, until she had to abord her next flight and they had to say goodbye. She always hated that part, and no matter how many time they had to part ways she always cried.

Shimizu’s coworkers found it cute, and always encouraged them to be together, so she didn’t have to worry about her working atmosphere. And she knew there were very few chances that the plane could crash, but she still felt worried.

(True to be told, being worried was Yachi’s speciality).

When she came back from saying goodbye, she found all lights in the apartment off, all curtains closed and a dark hole where her home was supposed to be. Surely Shizuku was at work, but the girl usually left the curtains opened so the light could go in.

Yachi turned on the light switch, and was surprised to see her friend on the couch.

She crossed her brows, confused, and started walking closer, asking her name, when she saw her properly.

She was curled up, hugging her knees, with what seemed like three different blankets around her. Her eyes were red and puffy, and she had huge bags under them. Tons of used paper tissues were in the floor, on the couch and on the living table, all around her. And there was what it seemed like a cementery of used mugs on said table.  
She looked like shit.

The girl opened her mouth to say something, but only a sob came out, and she started suddently to cry loudly. Yachi practically threw hes bags and jumped in the couch, cradling the girl in her arms and asking what’s wrong.

Her fists closed in Yachi’s shirt, as big hot tears fell from her eyes and her loud cries echoed in the room.

Hitoka felt worry sink deep in her stomach.  
For her to be this sad, what happened must have been bad. Shizuku was the kind of person to keep everything to herself, and put on breave smiled. She was the kind of girl that hid her sadness to make sure no one worried about her.  
And above all, she never cried in front of others.

After Yachi asked what was wrong for the tenth time, she finnaly accepted the tissue her friend was offering, and after blowing her nose loudly, she answered:

-Kageyama dumped me.-

Yachi conforted Shiuku as the girl cried and let her heart out, she heard her regrets and doubts and reassured her that ‘nothing is wrong with you!’, until her friend fell asleep.

Then, Yachi left the couch slowly and careful not to wake her up, covered her in two more blankets, picked up her keys, and left.

Yachi Hitoka wasn’t a strong woman. But she was going to murder Kageyama Tobio, even if she had to pretend to be strong for it.

 

*************

Maybe, Kageyama hadn’t planned this properly. No, he deffinitly hadn’t planned this properly.

First mistake: the luggage. Wich, was, practically inexistent.  
It had seemed as a good idea to pack few things so he didn’t have to carry much, and there was his parents house if he needed anything from there, so he didn’t have to worry about that. But he couldn’t visit his parents, (explained further in third mistake), and now looking for Hinata with only a backpack with two jeans a one hoodie, plus the one he was wearing, seems like a bad idea.

Second Mistake: He. Had. Forgotten. His. Fricking. Cellphone. Who does that! Kageyama was supposed to be part of the generation that carries their phones everywere! How could he forgot it to a trip where he didn’t know what could happen! Tobio knew besides from volleyball he was stupid, but he didn’t think he was so dumb!  
Luckily, he had at least brought his wallet, and he had his credit cards there. 

Third Mistake: Mistake one and two wouldn’t seem so bad taking in mind that Tobio’s parents lived in Miyage so he could stay with them or ask for borrowed clothes. But, as said before, Kageyama could’t visit his parents. Why? Because they’d fucking murder him if they heard he wasn’t in Tokyo breacking his ass in practice, and then they would throw his dead body to the dogs once they find out how he threw away his chance at the World Cup.

Fourth, and less important, but really, really important if we take in mind all the reasons named before: Kageyama Tobio hadn’t got a sence of direction.

So, as he looked around in Miyagi’s train station, he wondered if he’d ever actually been there in his life. He knew the answear was ‘yes’, but either the station changed a lot in five years of his fucking brain had forgotten everything about it (plot twist, his brain never knew anything about it).

So he walked straight to the janitor a few meters away and asked, -Do you know where the help center is?-

The men laughed at him. –Outsider right?-

Tobio threw him a look, unsure of what to answer, but then nodded.

-I am the help center,- he said with a smile.

-Is there any chance you have a map of Miyagi?-

He laughed again. –There,- the old man signalized and the wall he was pointing had a huge board of the city. He walked along to Kageyama to it. –Where are you going boy?-

Tobio threw him another look. He wasn’t used to the hospitality of the countryside anymore, he realized. Ir had been five years since the last time he’d gone to Miyagi, never visited his hometown, not even once.

The janitor was waiting, so he tried to recall the name of the road Hinata lived in. –YYYYY road?- he asked unsure and the other men laughed.

“He sure likes to laugh at me,” he tought.

-You have to take GGGGG bus until 88888. Do you still remember the stop?-

Tobio nodded. How to forget it, after all the times he’d done the same route to visit Hinata, or even with the boy to school. Most of the times they took the bus a few stops ahead though, when it got closer to school.

The janitor was already walking away when Tobio remembered his words.  
-Why did you say remember?-, he yelled at him. –How did you know I already knew the way?-

He laughed. –I remember you! Always fighting with the little one. Made me remember my youth.-

The little one? Hinata? Kageyama felt a ray of hope in his chest. –Have you seen him? The little one? In the last five years?-

The man shook his head. –I don’t have that of a good memory young boy, not at all. I just recognized you because you talked to me.-

-He had bright orange hair, it would’ve been easy to recognize. You don’t recall him at all?- he insisted.

-You’re right! Orange hair, I remember now. Haven’t seen him no. The girl, his little sister.-

-Nastu?-

-Yeah, Hinata Natsu, I think. The Hinata’s were quite popular, now that you mention it.. With their bright attitude and their flashy hair, everyone in Miyagi knew them…-

-So you’ve seen Natsu?-

The janitor threw him a slightly offended look like Kageyama had interrupted his train of memory. –Yes, only the girl. She comes here often, probably has friends. I always thought the boy didn’t come back because you were with him.-

Kageyama sighed.

-Thanks for your help, oji-san.-

-Anytime you want, young men.-

So no Hinata in Miyagi. That was probably a difficulty in Kageyama’s plan of finding any traces of su whereabouts here. Though, if Natsu came here often, maybe he could ask the man to deliver a message to her, with his number and a note to call him or something.  
But he didn’t really trust the old man to remember to deliver it, or to recognize Natsu. And even if he did, what would Kageyama do, wait around for a call? He hadn’t received a call in five years, something told him that wouldn’t work.

The bus Kageyama was supposed to take appeard in the next square and Kageyama started running to catch it. He baredy did it, but the running felt great in his full-of-tension-body. He imagined going for a run in Miyagi’s steep streets and felt his body buzzling with ready to be spent energy.  
It didn’t sound like a good way to start exercising his recently cured ankle though.

Tobio stared at the landscape as the bus moved on, and couldn’t help but to feel familiarity. He had missed this. He started recalling the old men’s last words, ‘I always thought the boy didn’t come back because you were with him.’

Way to threw a bomb.

“No, miss janitor-san. He was not with me,” Kageyama thought. “He abandoned me too you know. He abandoned us all”

Those words started sounding boring in Kageyama’s head. He wondered how many times had he repeated by now.

Did anyone else think that Kageyama had kept in touch with Hinata? . Any of his sempais, for example. Maybe they had thought that Hinata left them out, forgot them, but that the same hadn’t happened to Kageyama.  
After all, he had been his best friend.

Tobio pressed the button almost automathically, before even realizing that he had arrived to the stop. The bus stopped and after going out he watched it leave. 

He walked to Hinata’s house in complete silence, trying to suppress every little memory that appeared on his head (Hinata got stuck in that brush with his bike, there the idiot amost got hit by a truck, that’s were he found a dog and carried it home, without realizing it had a fucking collar).  
Key word, trying.

And even if he found those memories bitterly painful, nothing was preparing him for the moment he saw Shoyou’s old house. The new owners had painted it white. And the door was a different one.

But it was still… It was still the Hinata’s house, and Kageyama’s second home.

He bit his lip, trying no to cry.

Tobio didn’t felt ready to see some strangers answering the door in Hinata’s house, so he started walking to his neightbour’s wich was like one and a half kilometers far. He wondered if the old woman who loved crows was still living there. When Karasuno needed sponsor, she always helped, and a few times while Kageyama was staying at Hinatas the boy’s mother asked him to deliver something, and usually he went along. She felt in love with Tobio the moment she saw him with his raven hair and blue eyes, and according to Hinata she always asked for him.  
She was a little weird, but Tobio liked her.

The old tall house appeared far at the horizon and Tobio sped up. He could see the robles circling the entrance, and that big cage she had where she kept the hurt birds. The rest of them were flying most of the time, free to do as they pleased.

When he was a few meters from the door, a few crows tried to attack him and Tobio dodged them with no problem. He didn’t even get to knock on the door before the old woman to come out.

-Kageyama-kun!- she yelled, running to him with opened arms. She was a big woman, who gave the bests hugs (second only to Hinata’s, of course), and even shorter that the boy. She squished him with her big arms and Tobio let out a smile. – You mean boy! Never visiting you number one fan!-

Tobio chocked. –Number one fan?-

-Of course! Someone’s gotta support the best setter of Japan’s team, right?-

Kageyama blushed and she laughed. Holding Kageyama from his waist, she turned both of them around and guided him to the house. Tobio realized how much he’d grown, as the woman used to hug him from his chest.

-What brings you here, my dear crow boy? I sure have missed you!-

Tobio felt a little embarrassed. He’d forgotten how she used to call him, crow boy, and every time he thoung that the true crow was Hinata right next to him. He told her a few times, but she’d always shake her head and say, - Crows are pretty mean when they want to, Kageyama-kun. Shoyou hasn’t a bit of malice in his whole little body,-

A big impicitory grin usually appear on her face. –But you aren’t like that, right?-

The woman could be very scary when she wanted to.

As they entered the place, a warm heat brushed Kageyama and he realized how cold it was outside. It wasn’t his first time in her house, she used to invivte him and Hinata all the time. It was more of a tall building than long, so it was pretty crampted, mobles with barely any distance from each other and Kageyama always bumped into them.  
Shoyou liked to jump around to take shortcuts, and he always yelled at him not to make a mess in others people home, but the woman didn’t mind.

-Tea?- she asked from the kitchen, a room a few meter from him that was around five square meters big. He nooded.

He sat in the couch, struggling to fit his legg between it and the small coffee table. When she finished the drinks she laughed, and moved the table a little bit for him to be comftarble.

-So?- she insisted, -Why are you on Miyagi?-

Kageyama looked down and grabbed a drink. He stared at the tea a few seconds, trying to gather up corage to ask her.

-I’m looking for Hinata, - he said. He lifted his gaze shyly and the look on the womans face broke his heart. Her brows were draw together in a thin line, and her eyes shone in concern and pity. And above all, pain.

She let out a weak, lame small laugh. –I thought, that could be it… I also knew you would come looking for him at some point…-

Kageyama stared at her, waiting for the answear of his question. Why did everyone take so long to just say it? Was it because they didn’t want to hurt him? Because it didn’t help at all, just made it all worst.

-Sorry, Kageyama-kun, but the answear it’s still the same as before. I haven’t seen Hinata in five years.-

Tobio looked down, and bit his lip trying to keep the feeling away.

He should have been ready for it. He’d already asked her and it had gone the same way. The possibility of Hinata reaching out to her was too good to be true.

-Not even Natsu?- he asked with hope. –A man in the station told me he saw her a coulpe of times…-

-I haven’t seen her, but it has sence we weren’t really close, so she wouldn’t come visit me. - She must’ve felt bad for Tobio’s crushed face, because she added fastly, -But I live soo far to the city! I don´t find out about anything! Maybe you should ask someone else. -

I took him a few seconds to answer. 

-Yeah, I’ll do that.-

She smiled. And he tried to, too.

He didn’t want to leave just like that, but he didn’t felt like staying either. So he just looked down and stared at his cup, until she sighed and got up. –Next time you come better come with Hinata!-, she said.

Kageyama knew she was trying to encourage him but right now it felt just like a burden in his shoulders.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to, oba-san.”

He just smiled and said, -Sure.-

She probably read through him, because she threw him a worried look. Even though, she walked to the door to him him leave, and Kageyama followed leaving the cup on the table.  
He hadn’t drunk even one drop.

-It was nice seying you, crow boy, - she smiled.

The nickname got a true smile out of him, although it looked plain and a little bit soppy.

-I liked seeing you too, oba-san.-

She just laughed and patted him on the back on his way out.

Tobio had to run to the carretera dodging the crows that tried to attack him, and when he turned back to see her, the woman barely looked like a stick figure. He waved at her and she waved back, screaming him a goodbye.  
Kageyama bowed, and walked away.

Maybe first option hadn’t worked, but there was another neightbout on the list.

Half a mile from Shoyou’s house to the other side, what meant two miles from where he was right now, lived an old married couple.

The Kougami’s were a famous family in Mitagi. They were the last house in the road, the one who was furthest into the mountains.  
It the past, they had been a really big and important clan, who was in charge of… some really important economical activity that Kageyama couldn’t really reacal at the moment.

But for some… political or economical reasons Kageyama isn’t able to remember their power had lowered, and the family line became weaker. The couple’s child lived now far away, from what Tobio knew.

As neightbour, they weren’t as open up like the old lady. According to Hinata, they rejected most of their bonding intentions, and even though they had once given them a present for Christmas they never gave anything back.  
Shoyou’s mother, who was a really proud woman, never talked to them again from that day on.

This was on second year of High School, Shoyou hadn’t mentioned them again and Tobio hadn’t asked, so he didn’t know what were of their relashonship.

He had hope, anyway.

Kageyama tried not to let his mind wander too much as he walked. He knew he had a long way, and the house was up the hill, but if he let his memories full his mind he’d probably regret it.

What he hadn’t expected, though, was that as he looked at the forest next to him, the picture of Shizuku appeared in his mind.

“This is nice,” the girl had said. “We could do it more often, having lunch together.  
You can’t train, though, so I’ll have to wait until you’re better”

Her smile was really fond, and cute at that moment. Kageyama had really pictured the moment.

Going to train every day and enjoy Voleyball with Bokuto, and, even if he didn’t want to admit it, Oikawa. Finishing and leaving to have lunch with Shizuku. Talk to her, about anything, or just to hear her voice. Bicker a lot, and let her call him ‘Bakayama’, if she wants to. And maybe, he’d let a ‘Dumbass’, slip out of his mouth, like he always did.

He would’ve presented her to his friends, and they would’ve loved her. And they’d probably made fun of him a lot, but he’d have to bear it.

And maybe, she’d have cheer him in his matches, or even join him to the World Cup as his traumatoligist.

Tobio closed his eyes, trying to stop that train of thought.

“Hinata Shoyou”, he told himself. “You’re looking for Hinata Shoyuo.”

A soft smile appeared in his face. Shizuku was a really nice girl, one Kageyama could’ve learned to love. 

But there’s no way he could choose her over Hinata. Over quick tosses, and wild eyes, and an orange crow whose heart hadn’t a drop of malice in it.

Shizuku deserved to find someone who saw her the way he felt when he thought of Hinata, and Kageyama had no doubt she would be able to find him.

Shoyou’s house appeared at the horizon, and Tobio started running. The fast he was through this part and the fast he left it behind, meant less painful memories to him.

He didn’t stop running, though. His feet were barely touching the floor, and the cold air of the mountains made his throath burn a little. He had really missed running like this.  
His legs were burning because of the strength it took to go up in the hill, and he pushed further, exited.

Now he had to find his.

When the door opened and and old tall man appeard, Kageyama was still trying to catch his breath.

-Have you seen Hinata Shoyou?- he blurted out

Mister Kougami looked between bothered, confused, and scared.

-I’m Hinata’s old friend, and I haven’t seen him in five years. He used to be your neighbor. Have you seen him?-

Then, to his surprised, the men looked at him with pity. –No, dear boy, I’m sorry, but the Hinata’s moved away without a word and never came back, just as we told you last time.-

Kageyama was surprised he remembered him. He didn’t ask twice, just looked down, biting his lip, and turned around. He couldn’t even force out a ‘thanks’ from his mouth.

-Shoyou was a really nice boy,- he yelled when Kageyama was a few meters away. –Both me and my wife were really fond of him.-

Ah. So hinata had made his way through the old couple’s cold heart.  
Typical him.

-Me too, - Kageyama said giving him a sad smile, and started walking away.

Miyagi’s big and beautiful sky was painted orange. The sun was hiding between the coulds in the horizon, probably ten minutes from dissapearing. The light painted everything around him that color, like a sick way of mocking him.

That was the kind of sunset that had Shoyou beaming with exitment. Tobio remembered the day before they faced off Shiratorizawa, when they clashed fists in front of a hiding sun.

Bitter old memories.

A yound men opened the door to him in Hinata’s old house. Tobio could hear yells from a little girl from inside, and other voices that brought life to the place. The birght lights contrasted with the darkness of the road now that the sun had almost disappeard, and Kageyama thought that ‘yes, life was deffinitly mocking him.’

-I’m sorry,- the man said.  
Kageyama thanked him and walked away. He heard the door closing behind him.

Maybe because he liked to suffer, or maybe he was just used to it, but Tobio turned around and glanced at Hinata’s old window.

He used to always do that, throwing a final look his room´s window, even when he knew that the little boy wouldn’t be there because he’d just opened the door to him. He even did it sometimes when Shoyou was still next to him.

 

Perhaps, he liked the way it reminded him that ‘that’s’s where Hinata Shoyou’s room will be. That’s where Hinata Shoyou always is’.

But he wasn’t there anymore.

How many times had he done just the same without realizing?  
How many times had he turned around to see his best friend’s window, in a child attempt to not let go?

And waking up with Karasu, eating breakfast in Starbucks, walking to the court. How many times had he done it? Would he keep doing it in the future?  
How could he realize that it was the last time he’d ever do that?

Kageyama looked at at the sky before the mountains as he walked. Why didn’t life had a bell, that ringed every time you were doing something you like for the last?  
If he knew the last time that he’d play with Hinata was at the first game from the nationals, in their third grade, he’d made sure to enjoy it more. If he knew that their graduation was the last time he’d meet with Daichi, Asahi and Suga he would’ve hugged them tighter. If he knew that after Tanaka and Noya-san left too he’d only meet with them once, he would’ve made sure to enjoy their lady chasing in that club at it’s fullest.

And why didn’t life, God, Hinata himself or anyone told Kageyama that he wouldn’t see Hinata ever again after waving his goodbye at the train station, five years ago?

Kageyama doesn’t even remember the face the boy’d made.

If he just had known…, there’s no way Kageyama would’ve let him go! There’s no way Kageyama would’ve said goodbye!

Not so soon, at least…

He would’ve hold Hinata tight to his chest. He would’ve kissed him and told him how much he loved him, and kissed him again and again even if he complained. He would’ve hold his face close to his eyes, so he could remember every little detail of the boy he was head over hills with.

Kageyama chocked, and felt warm tears forming at the corner of his eyes.

He would’ve done so much. They hadn’t played enough games together, hadn’t bickered enough together, hadn’t eaten enough pork buns togethers. He hadnt’s stole enough casual touches from him, touched his soft hair when he was asleep, hold him close to his chest when they lost a really important match, or hear his weird dreams every morning after they had a sleepover.

And the nightmares, Hinata never told him about them. He always pushed away what bothered him… And Kageyama was the same, always ignoring what he didn’t wanted to hear, thinking that if everything was okay after if he could’t see the problem.

If he just had asked more… Maybe, if he had gotten Hinata to open up about his nightmares…

Tobio bit his lips. His legs started failing so he just threw himself to the floor, at the side of the road, in the mountains. Miyagi stood right in front of him in all its fulness. His chest hurt like there was a fire inside him, and he curled over himself.

Kageyama pictured a future where Hinata stayed. Where every time they came back to Miyagi it was to visit their parents and friends. They met up with the whole team at least once a month, and sometimes they even catched up with their old kouhais.  
He would race every morning with Hinata to get in the court. And in the matches against other countries, when the other team stood right in front of them, he would look down to see the boys exited face. He’d toss to him. Over, and over, and over again, as many times as it takes.

They would be invicible together.

The future he wished to have was the one he’d thought of in the past. The one he was supposed to have.

Wasn’t life a bitch?

Maybe that future wasn’t possible anymore. He would never be able to play in a game with Shoyou they way he used to. He would never share the heat of a game again with him.

But Tobio didn’t care. Even if it wasn’t the same future, the perfect future he was supposed to have, it was okay.

He just wanted Hinata back. It didn’t matter how.

Kageyama just needed Hinata back. 

 

***********

When Shizuku woke up, Yachi was still with her in the couch, sitting at the other corner. Her eyes were fixtated on the wall, and her expression was a troubled one.  
She looked like she had been crying.

-Do you want to hear the truth?- she spoke, and the hurt in her voice surprised her. –Do you want me to tell you why Kageyama left?-

-I do,- Shizuku answered as she got up. –I do wanna know, I really, really do. It doesn’t matter if it hurts, if it’s because… Just tell me, please.-

Yachi looked at her with pain, and pity, and Shizuku started to doubt if she really wanted to hear the thruth.

-I asked Tsukishima and he said he went to Miyagi.-

She stared at her surprised, and opened her mouth to ask why, but the words didn’t come out, so the girl was left just staring like an idiot.

-He went to look for you.-

Shizuku just blinked.

-He’s looking for you, Hinata.-

-But I’m here!- she wanted to say. –But I’m right here, he doesn’t have to leave! I’m already here!-

Hinata Shizuku shook his head.

“Of course”, she thought.  
How could it be any different? She’d expected too much, being happy with Kageyama the way she was now, being able to have everything she left behind again, having him to smile at her, and to look at her like she was something beautiful when she was just a fucking lie.

It was hard to recall when did it all start.

He’d always hated the way society forged gender roles.  
In his twelve Christmas, his parents gave him a soccer ball, and Natsu received a beautiful dress up doll. Shoyou loved his gift, because he loved playing sports, but he also really liked the doll.

-I want one too!- he’d yelled. –A doll! For my birthday!-

His father threw him an ugly look. –Boys don’t play with dolls,- he said, and Hinata pouted.

-But they’re cute!-

-The’re girly!- his father yelled at him, and Natsu started crying.

Later at night, he heard his parents arguing.

Even when he never got a doll, Natsu let him play with hers, because that’s how nice his little sister was.  
And even when Hinata thinked being girly wasn’t bad if he could play with cute dolls, he didn’t make a big deal about it.

As he grew up, Shoyou realized that there were even cuter things girls get to play with, like plushies, or plastic babies. And even though boys toys were badass (he got this really cool videogame for him thirdteen birthday and his father said, “Who needs a damn doll now?”), he couldn´t help his gaze when it lingered a bit too long in the cute dresses the girls wore, or their cute ponytails.

His friends always teased him, saying that he had a crush on every girl of the class.

And when Hinata started dreaming things like going to school in a dress, or wearing piggytails, he realized those were the best dreams he’d ever had.

When he told his dad about them, he didn’t think the same way.

His mother did, though. And Natsu too, saying she would borrow him her dresses, even when they didn’t fit him.

When Shoyou’s dad left, he didn’t cry.  
Natsu did. A lot. And his mother too, even when she tried to hide it.  
Boys don’t like dolls, or wear dresses, his father used to say. Hinata thought otherwise. And because of that, now Natsu had to grow up withouth a dad.  
Natsu, who was normal.  
Not like him.

For the first time in his life, Shoyou wondered that, maybe, if he had been born a girl, his dad wouldn’t have left. If he had been born a girl, he could’ve worn dresses and bows and cute piggytails.

For his fourteenth birthday, when he blew up the candles he wished to be a girl.

And when he entered High School, Shoyou started feeling somehow happy he was born a boy.  
Don’t get it wrong, he still stared at his female classmates with envy, when they chatted about make up and hair, they way their cute skirts waved with the wind, and how shined with beauty and cheer.

But he realized, that if he was born female, he’d never got the chance to play Voleyball with his team. With Kageyama.

So he ignored that ugly feeling deep in his chest, stole his mother skirts from time to time, and enjoyed the times when he dreamed he was a girl at it’s fullest.

Shoyou liked to think his first love would be the person who didn’t mind being with him the way he was. It turned out to be Kayegama Tobio, his Voleyball team setter, his best friend, who probably didn’t even know what a girl was.

And now, when he dreamed of being a girl, Tobio was holding his head or walking alongiside her, and they became even better.

In his third year, when his mother found his wearing her lipstick, she didn’t yell at him like his father would, but took him shopping. Hinata had hated being short his hole life, but when he looked at his reflection on the mirror, he was gald to have such a small body, because right in front of him was now a cute orange haired high school girl.

And Hinata cried of happiness in his mom’s chest, ruining his make up.

Natsu didn’t mind him wearing dresses in the house. His grandmother didn’t mind when they went to visit her for her birthday and Shoyou had a skirt.  
Yachi didn’t judged him when he told her, and she promised to do so much stuff like their hair and nails with him that his heart filled with happiness and he cried again.

A few weeks later, his father called home for the first time in five years.

Shoyou’s mom was eager to speak to him, but Hinata felt guilty enough that Natsu had spent so much time without a father, this may be their chance to fix that.  
So they started talking by phone. His dad apologized, and he said it was okay.

They talked about volleyball, exchanged messages and letters, and even send photos.  
Hinata loved the way Natsu’s face lighted up when she saw her dad’s face.

He didn’t stop crossdressing. He didn’t stop wishing there wasn’t a penis between his legs.  
But both him and Kageyama had received scolarships to the same college, and he would’t be able to play if he started the transition.

Besides, even though Yachi accepted him, Shoyou was really scared of telling Kageyama.

He loved him. He loved him so much. The way Tobio’s blue eyes shone in the light of the court. How his strong volleyball arms felt when he hugged him. The way he smiled when they were alone, that soft fond smile it made him want to cry.

How could he accept him? Boys with skirts were disgusting, that’s what everyone said. Hinata was disgusting, and weird, and sick.

He never really planned to leave like that.

When he said goodbye to Tobio in the train station, he too didn’t know that was going to be the last time they saw each other in five years.

He should’ve known he was tempting destiny meeting with his dad dressed that way. He knew it was risky.  
What he didn’t expect was for his dad to rip his cute clothes. To insult him, to call him perverted and twisted and to beat him up.

His mother rescued him before anything got too serious, but he couldn’t stop crying all the way to Miyagi.

And at night, he dreamed of Kageyama yelling ugly things at him. And Tsukishima and Yamaguchi, Nishinoya, Tanaka, Daichi, Suga, Asahi, Ukai, Takeda, Kenma, Bokuto and Akaashi too, everyone, everyone thought he was shit.

So he, and Natsu and his mom, ran away.  
From his career, from his life, from his fears. And he stopped being a he.

It’s been years from that, and Hinata regreted many things in his life, but not becoming Shizuku.

She went through transition, started taking hormones, and after two years had the surgery.  
She had never been happier.

Once she finished med school, Shizuku ignored her mother and sister’s advices and ran back into the male volleyball world, not as a player this time but as a doctor.

It hurt a little, but it was fine.

Her good grades and hard working attitude got her a place in the national team in a few months, and Hinata was in heaven.

If you looked it from another perspective, she hadn’t broken her promise to Kageyama.  
Both of them were, now, in the same team against the rest of the world.

She loved to watch him play, and all those people from her past.  
Bokuto, her former ‘sensei’, Hoshiumi, his former rival for the ‘Little Giant’ title (guess he won that one), the Grand King, Ushiwaka, that damn Atsumu brother, and Akaashi and Iwaizumi every time they went to visit.

She watched from far, with a sad smile on her face, and eventual tears, until one day, during a specially hard game against Corea, Kageyama Tobio twisted his ankle and entered her life all over again.

And then, of course, he left.

Even though Hinata Shoyou and Hinata Shizuku were the same person, Kageyama left her to look for a memory.  
He preferred the first one, the male one.  
Just like everyone did. Nobody wanted the girl who was born a guy. Nobody wanted the girl with no boobs, the girl who had to take hormons, the girl who once had a dick.  
Nobody wanted her.

She was okay the way she was, just a little sad from time to time. She was okay watching from afar, remembering from afar, crying from afar.

And then Kageyama saw her and she was so happy. Much happier than she’d been in years.  
He hadn’t recognized her, but he saw her as a woman, and she liked her that way, and after their first date Hinata cried because holy shit, Kageyama liked her he way she was now.  
(Sure, he didn’t know she was a fucking lie)

How was she supposed to go back now? To her life from before? Kageyama would search through heaven and hell for Shoyou, just to never find him, or to find out the true.  
She didn’t want that.

To see that look of pure disgust in Kageyama’s face. To hear his insults, for him to beat her up for being fake.  
Shizuku just stared at the nothingess, as silent tears began to fall.

Life was, without doubt, a fucking bitch.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well hello there
> 
> Long time no see. I kind off feel this chapter ended up a little bit shitty. Like the end's too sudden, but I tried to re-do it five times and It ended up the same, so I said 'fuck it'.  
> I know I said I would take a few weeks, but I'm leaving holidays tomorow and I won't have wi-fi, so I decided to post this while I could instead of keeping you waiting like three weeks/ one month (hahaha, who could take one month to update, my gosh). That's also the reason because it's so short!  
> Soo please enjoy, and leave comments! I feed with them!! I life for them!!

Oikawa Tooru was more than surprised when he saw Yachi Hitoka enter the gym.

There were playing a match, a practice one between the team, and he was serving. From the other side of the court, he saw the door open and recognized the girl instantly.  
His mind forgot about voleyball and focused on why would the girl be there, so coach started yelling at him to move his ass.

Trying to suppress his curiosity, Oikawa setted the ball and started the game. He watched as the girl sat on the benches, and received another scolding for being distracted after a sloppy toss.

Once the game finished, everyone started packing things up, and leaving to the showers. He saw Hoshiumi and Kiryuu staying to train a little more, with Misa Asumu offering them their tosses.

Oikawa threw a look to the girl, and she was staring right back at him.

-Tooru!- Bokuto called him from behind. He turned around. –Aren’t you coming?-

-Yeah, sure,- he said, his friend started walking and Tooru turned around to see the girl once more. She was standing up, gaze still fixtated on him, before walking away.

He started walking to the showers.

Had her prescence something to do with Kageyama missing?  
Yesterday, thei coach had told them that Tobio-kun was taking some vacations, and wouldn’t come back to the team in almost a month. Everyone, including Bokuto and him, were incredible shocked. The whole team knew Kageyama was someone who could spend so much time without volleyball, and the few times they had seen him since the injury it was clear that he was craving to play.

-Why?- Tooru had asked, but coach told him it wasn’t his business, and started practice. The man wasn’t very fond of Oikawa, because he didn’t have the perfect attendance record to practices.  
Of course, Tooru felt the same way about him too.

That same day, once practice had ended, he went to the hospital department to ask Shizuku about it, but she was missing, and her coworkers said she reported sick.

At first, he thought Tobio had finally turned into someone normal and was sneaking out to spend some time with his girlfriend, but no matter how many calls he left in his phone his friend wasn’t answering, and even when Tooru threatened him with the ‘V’ video no word from his was sent.

He didn’t eve had the video anymore, he’d lost it when his phone broke a few years ago. But Kageyama, the stupid guy, still believed him, and he always panicked around when Tooru mentioned it.

Although this time he didn’t. And Tooru was starting to worry.

He hadn’t told Iwaizumi yet, he didn’t want to worry him. After all, only one day had passed. Probably Kageyama was spending some good time in some nice beach with his new (and probably first) girlfriend, and the airhead probably had forgotten to charge it.  
Probably.

Oikawa put his clean clothes on fastly, and said goodbye to Bokuto excusing he had something to do.

The blonde girl was standing in the front of the Gym, holding her coat and waiting like she knew Oikawa was going to come.

-Hitoka-chan,- he called her, trying not to sound too anxious. –What brings you here?-

-Oikawa Tooru, hi.- She greeted him with his whole name, a clear indication that she wasn’t comftarble with him. –I was looking for Kageyama, but as I just saw he isn’t here. He hasn’t answered my texts, but that has sence. So I was wondering, do you know how can I contact him?-

-Why does it have sence that he isn’t answering your texts? Did something happened between you two ?- Oikawa asked confused.

-Well, not exactly,- she seemed confused too. –Didn’t he told you guys about him breaking up with Shizuku?-

Oikawa felt like the air outside turned a few grades colder.

-They broke up?-

Yachi looked pretrified. –You didn’t know? Two days ago, but he didn’t told her why.-

¿What? ¿Why would they break up?  
Nothing had sence and Oikawa didn’t like it. He was the kind of guy who was always in control, and clearly he hadn’t a clue on what was happening right now.  
“What the fuck is Kageyama doing?” he wondered.

-Wait, how do you know this?- he asked unsure. 

-Shizuku told me,- she explained. –We’re roomates.-

Oikawa looked at her shocked. –Did Kageyama know it?-

-Yeah, he did. He realized it after we meet, when you and Iwaizumi appeared.-

He hadn’t thought much of it after hearing Kageyama’s lie. How many more things did the guy know and didn’t tell them? And why did he break up with Shizuku? He seemed so happy with her!  
But above all, where the fuck was his friend now?!

Yachi seemed to be waiting for an answear, and he didn’t want to make her worry more. –Coach-san said he went on vacations,- he told her faking a smile –Maybe being with Shizuku was too much for him? He probably isn’t used to having a beautiful woman around.

Yachi didn’t seem to buy it, but she nodded.

-Okay,- she said. –Thanks Oikawa-san. Please tell me if you know something else about him.-

Oikawa smiled. –Same to you-

He watched the girl walk away, mind moving so fast his ears were probably throwing smoke.

Kageyama had broken up with Shizuku yesterday, for some reason, told the coach he was going somewhere vacations, and disappeared. He hadn’t got his phone with him, or he refused to answear their messages.

His friend had been acting weird since two weeks before, when he twisted his ankle and meet Shizuku. He was not playing volleyball for the first time in years, probably. And he had also started dating a beautiful girl, wich usually didn’t happen to Kageyama.

So his weird acting hadn’t ringed a bell on his older friend.

-Oi! Oikawa-kun! Weren’t you hurried to leave?-

Bokuto smiled next to him, until he saw his sollow face.

-Follow me,- Tooru said, and turned around, walking fastly into the building.

-Oikawa-san, wait! Did something happen?- Koutarou sounded worried.

-A lot,- he answered.- I’ll explain. No act as I do.-

Tooru turned around, giving long fast steps, and Bokuto tried his best to follow, unsure of what to do.  
He started giding them to a place Koutarou didn’t knew existed in the Gym. They climbed a few stairs, turned around, aand were surrounded by a bunch of closed doors, with a receptionist right in front of them.

-Oikawa-kun! You’re here to see this month’s magazines? You won’t imagine the lipsticks that just got here.-

Oikawa faked a smile. -Of course! I can’t wait to see them, give it to me, give it to me!- he giggled like a girl and walked to her stall. Bokuto just stod there at the hallway, not knowing what to do, or why the fuck was Oikawa acting like a teenage girl.

-Is that your friend?- she asked as Tooru went through the magazine.

-Yeah, he’s. Bokuto, come here!- he smiled signalizing the man to get closer.

The woman threw him a look. –Only your friend?-

Bokuto blushed like a red tomato that took too much sun in the middle of July*.

-Claudia! How can you say that! I’m absolutely faithful to Iwaizumi!- he claimed offended. –Beside, Bokuto is in l o v e~

She giggled, and Koutarou blushed even deeper. –How cute!-  
Oikawa laughed too.

Bokuto stared at him confused. 

Oikawa was acting like a gay man in the movies, going full cliché and everything. 

Claudia was a powerful woman in that gym, she knew everything there was to know about anyone. And she wanted a gay friend.  
Oikawa had no problems pretending to be hers.

-And why did Bokuto-kun come? Do you like make up too?-

-No, no, he’s just with me. You know, true to be told, I needed to ask you a favor…-

She threw him a look. –Oh, you sneaky gay boy tell me what you need-

Oikawa smiled. They looked like high school best pals. –A friend of ours, Kageyama Tobio, maybe you know him, has been dating Shizuku, the nurse, lately.-

-No way! He’s so fricking hot!- she exclamed. –Oh, man, so he’s taken too?-

Tooru laughed. –Trust me, he’s no good for you dear. Anyway, they had a fight yesterday.-

-No!- she said.

-Yeah, and it was a pretty bad one.-

-Poor them!-

-I know! And they were so cute together!-

-What can I do? Are we trying to get them to make up?-

-Yes we are!- he said exited. –But Shizuku hasn’t been coming to work lately, and she’s obviously not answering his calls, so I was wondering…-

-What do you need…?-

-If you had…?-

-If I have…?-

-Her address! No one would’ve expected it but Tobio-kun as a gentleman vein somewhere in his little brain, so he wants to bring her roses and apologize! But he doesn’t know where she lives, so he’s kinda at loss. Can you please, please tell us that?-

She smiled. - Oh, boys, you came to the right place.- the woman sai, as she started ticking things in her computer, with ther tongue sticking out.

-Serve yourselves,- she smiled and turned the computer’s monitor so it was facing them.

Tooru stared completely dazzled.

There, in the screen, was Shizuku’s personal information. A photo of the girl, her address, directon, birthday, weight, size, everything. Her academics archievments.

And her last name.

-What the fuck…?- Koutarou spoke next to him for the first time.

Oikawa managed to fix his façade quickly. He smiled at Claudia, thanked her, promised to tell how it went, and dragged Bokuto out.  
Once they leaved the office Bokuto didn’t stop voicing his doubts about what happened and how Oikawa acted and what they saw, demanding explanations.

Once they reached the exit, Tooru stopped and turned around.

-You and Akaashi tonight at my place. We have some things to clear up.-

He nodded. Oikawa nodded too. 

And then they parted ways.

********

“Well fuck,” Yachi thought.

She probably would have to make some changes to her plan.

She was going to find Kageyama, ask why he left Shizuku, yell at him a little, and convince him to at least talk to her and clear things out. Because they had a lot of things to clear.

And now he disappeared, going into some weird vacations, according to Oikawa, and Yachi was starting to worry too.

Should she call Shimizu for advice? But she probably was working… Yachi had been so confident about herself one day ago, but now she didn’t know what to do. She felt vunerable, and scared and confused.

She just wanted to help Shizuku, and now it seems Kageyama needed help too.

What the hell happened? She was so happy those two were toghether, things were finally going the way they supposed to.

Yachi sighed. When work was too stressful and emotions got the best of her, a bottle of red wine was always there to confort her. But she didn’t want to go home, and find Shizuku curling over herself, in a pull of self pity.

Yachi looked up and the answear appeared clear as the cloudless sky.

There was wine at Yamaguchi and Tsukishima’s.

She texted Yams asking if it was okay for her to come on her way to the station, and he answered, ‘of course’. The train took half an hour to come, she wasn’t able to get a seat, and there was a couple fighting like two meters from her.

When she enteren their apartment, she literally threw herself on Tadashi’s arms. –I’m dead!-

-Hello Yachi- he said laughing.

-Welcome, Hitoka-san.-

She broke away from Yamaguchi and looked at Tsukishima, who was holding a bottle wine. She smiled. –I love you guys.-

-We love you too!- Yamaguchi said walking to the couch. There were three wine cups at the small coffee table. Yachi went and sat next to him, and Kei sat in front of them, in a small sofa.

-I would ask how’s life treating you, but I think we alredy know the answear for that,- he said while opening the bottle and Yachi sighed.

-I’m stressed.- she complained.

-You always are,- Kei pointed out and she threw him a look.

-Everything’s good with Shimizu?- Tadashi asked.

-Of course it is! She’s in America right now, but I don’t remember the name of the country.-

-And work?-

-Co wrokes are little shits, like always, and I’m starting to think mum’s a little shit too.-

-You shouldn’t say that, you know?-

She sighed, -Yeeah, I do…-

-Are you guys going to chat like a bunch of old ladies? Because if that’s it I’m leaving,- Tsukishima complained. Yachi put her tonge out and Yamaguchi scoffed.

-What do you suppose we do?-

-Get drunk watching Netflix and not talk to each other all night, the right millennial way.-

-You only want to finish Pretty Little Liars.-

-I need to know if Spencer’s going to take A’s offer or not!-

Yachi and Yamaguchi were laughing, when a meowing caught their attention. The girl tuned to see a black cat standing in the hallway that lead to Yamaguchi and Tsukishima’s room. He had an orange collar, and there was a metal bowl next to him.  
Tadashi got up and went to look for food for the animal. Yachi could not believe it.

-You guys got yourselves a cat!- she jumped from her seat to get closer to the little thing. –It’s so cute! But I though Kei hated animals?-

The named guy scoffed. –I still do.-

-Her name’s Karasu, isn’t she cute?- Tadashi said serving some food into the bowl, and she started eating. – It’s Kageyama’s, he asked us to take care of her while he was gone.-

-Kageyamas?!- Yachi yelled surprised, -You talked to him? Do you know where he is?-

Tadashi looked a little scared. – Yeah, he came here to drop the cat. We don’t know where he went…, he didn’t say anything, just appeared on the door with Karasu; Is something wrong? Did Kageyama got hurt?-

-I don’t know,- she said hopeless, -Yesterday he broke up with Shizuku, and disappeared and I tried looking for him but no one knows where he went! Or why he left!-

-No way…- Yamaguchi looked at the cat. – And did you call him? Tried reaching out?-

Yachi shook her head. –He isn’t answearing…-

-Wait, - Kei took part in the conversation, -Who’s Shizuku? Kageyama’s girlfriend?-

-They weren’t, she’s my roommate, the red haired girl. They were dating, not a thing actually, but Kageyama broke whatever was going between them suddently.-

-I can’t image Tobio dating anyone…-

-Isn’t she the one that looks a lot like Hinata?-

-Kei!- Tadashi chocked. Yachi blushed embarrassed and nervous.

-Yeah, she is…-

Tsukishima looked at the window for a moment, and the silent grew between them. –I know where Kageyama went,- he said, and both of them looked at him surprised. –I asked him while you were all stupid with that ugly cat.-

-First of all, hey,-

-Where did he go?!- Yachi exclaimed.

-That stupid brainless guy went to look for Hinata,- he explained. Hitoka’s mouth dropped.

-He did that?!- Yamaguchi asked exited. –Why didn’t you tell me!.-

Kei threw him a look, and ignored his question. He turned his gaze straight into Hitoka and it wasn’t what you would call friendly. – What he didn’t knew was that Hinata was right there, didn’t he?-

Yachi chocked. –What are yo-

-She is Hinata, isn´t she?! They’re the same person!-

-Tsukishima, wait, you don’t know what you’re talking about…-

-I don’t? Tell me, Hitoka, am I that wrong? Shizuku is Hinata,- Tsukishima stood up, angry. – I don’t know what the fuck happened there, or why he’s now a she, and I don’t care…-

Tadashi was absolutely shocked, loking at Kei and then at Yachi. The girl seemed scared.

-All I know, is that the Hinata we’ve been missing for five years has always been there, and you said nothing!- he yelled angrily.

-Tsukishima I couldn’t, She didn’t-

-I don’t fucking care!- he yelled, -He was our friend too! We loved him too!-

-Wait, Tsukki, It’s not like-

-Like what?!- Tsukishima was pissed, with eyes full of anger and hate. His fists were clenched and he was looking at Yachi like she was a demon, or something worse. The girl looked about to cry, trembling. –Like you spent this five years hiding her from us?! Like you fucking lied to us and stayed friend with her when we didn’t even knew if our friend was still alive?! In this earth?!-

-She didn’t want me to! She wasn’t ready!- Hitoka yelled back, as tears went down her cheeks.

-Tsukki, please…- Yamaguchi spoke, trying to soathe him.

-That wasn’t the way to do it! Hiding, liying, and leaving us like we weren’t his friends, he thought he’s abandoned us! He didn’t care! And even if it there was nothing to be done when was she going to be ready? Was she ever going to tell us? Or would you two pretend everything was perfect for the rest of your lives? - Tsukishima chocked and Yachi realized he was crying too. Yamaguchi sniffled, at her side. – We though he didn’t really think of us as friends. We though he hated us, or something.-

-He never answered any texts, - Tadashi spoke for the first time. – He wasn’t in Miyagi either… I though the worst, I was so worried…-.

-I’m sorry,- Yachi chocked.

Tsukishima shook his head. He left the room with long fast steps, and lever looked at the girl’s eyes.  
She tried to meet Tadashi’s gaze, and his expression was one of betrayal and pain.

-We will talk tomorrow, and everything’s gonna be okay, he won’t stay mad, - the boy smiled through the tears. –But now you should go.-

-Yamaguchi, wait.-

-Yachi! J-just go.-

She nodded. He opened the door, and she walked out. 

And then he closed it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wooooo things are discovered, everyone clears their doubts, I'm just mean and like to make you suffer a bit more before our dears Kags and Hinata appear again...


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BITCH I'M BACK!!!!! 
> 
> The charger was broken! And idk how it is in your contry buy we were on holidays so the guy who was supossed to fiz the fucking computer was chilling on the beach, and he finally came back he had chilled so much he needed like two weeks to get back in tack and give me my computer.   
> Sorry for the delay but here have some deep angst with a bit of cliffhanger. The usual.  
> Enjoy!!!!

The sun had already set behind the city of Miyagi. The darkness spread across the land, covering all in shadows, and the small light os the city started shining, not strong enough to opaque the bright starts in the nightsky.

The mountain air became colder around Tobio, and a hollow silence covered him.

If a car were to pass right now, they’d see an adult man curling up on himself, in the middle of nowhere, alone and in the dark, crying.

Life was, definitely, a fucking bitch.

Kageyama stood up, and cleaned the tears of his eyes. 

Now it wasn’t the time to be crying. Yes, life was a bitch. Yes, Kageyama had everything he wanted and it took it from him, he already knew that. He was supposed to be looking for Hinata right now.

He felt like trash, but Tobio forced himself to walk.

“Once you find him“ he told himself. “Once you find him you’ll tell him what a piece of Dumbass he is for leaving. And then, you’ll tell him,-”

One step, two steps. One after another. Tobio sniffled and cleaned his face with his sleeve.

“I’ll toss to you. So please, stay.”

**********

Kageyama woke up wishing he could go back to sleep.

His whole body hurt, specially his legs, and he felt un dry buring under his eyes, wich seemed to be glued together. When he tried to open them, they hurt, and he had to blink a few times to adjust to the soft morning light entering to the window.

He lifted his body from the futon he was sleeping in, and looked around the room. It was a small living room, probably from what it seemed like a two room apartment, with few mobels and a unified kithen at the other side.

He didn’t remember how he’d ended up there until a familiar voice spoke behind him.

-Kageyama-kun! You’re up!- Sugawara Koushi’s cheerful voice said.   
He turned around to be a grown up, mature version of his old sempai. 

Yesterday, about five in the morging, Suga-san got the scare of his life, when he saw what it looked like the ghost of his former kouhai in High School, who was now playing volleyball in the country’s national team, in Tokyo.  
Turns out, the ghost was the real deal, and he was about to fall asleep anywhere after walking the whole night all the way from Hinata Shoyou’s home (another of his kouhais) in the mountains.

“Maybe life isn’t that of a bitch,” Kageyama had decided.

-Are you okay?- the man asked with concerned, - you looked pretty worned out yesterday.-

He nodded. –Thanks a lot for picking me up, Sugawara-san.-

-Call me Suga-san! Anyone hasn’t done that in a long time. And you said you didn’t have anywhere to stay, I couldnt’ve refused.-

Tobio got surprised with what he said. Nobody called him Suga anymore? What about Daichi and Asahi?

-What about your family though? Didn’t they lived here?-

-If they found out I’m taking a time from volleyball they’d disown me.-

Suga-san laughed.

Kageyama stared at the man. He looked… so different now. The grey hair he used to wear loose was now short. He was wearing a big cardigan with black jeans, and there were black small rectangular glases over his nose.   
The living representation of a college student.

Was he still studing?

Kageyama remembered his big grey eyes always bimming with positivity, and a warm genorosity that didn’t doubt on supporting anyone. Now, the stared at the wall on the other side of the apartment, looking dull and empty, burning with solety.

-How have you been?- Kageyama asked. –What do you do now?-

Koushi looked surprised that he asked. A smile grew on his face as he answered, -I got to Shiratorizawa university,- he explained proud. –It’s pretty far, so I have to get up early every morning to get there. I was actually on my way when I ran into you.-

-Sorry,- Tobio apologized.

He laughed. –Don’t be! Everyone needs a day off from time to time. And I’m really happy I got to see you, Kageyama-kun.-

-Are you still studing? - he asked. Suga’s happy face froze and Tobio realized too late that it was a really really rude question. Could he take it back? Was there a delete button in real conversations? Maybe Suga didn’t hear…

-Yeah, I am,- he confessed, -College was harder than I first imagined. I have failed several years…-

-Sorry.- he said embarrassed.

-Don’t be! It was common for you to ask such blunt question, I just had forgotten, - he laughed again and the mood got way better. –It’s nice to see you haven’t changed at all, Kageyama. -

-You too, - he spoke. –You’re still as you used to be. -

It was a praise. Did it sound like one? He hoped Sugawara felt it that way.

He put on a sad smile. –I’m not so sure…-

Silent fell upon them again, until Sugawara got up and walked to the small kitchen and started dropping coffe in a green mug. –How much milk?- he asked.

-Zero, - Tobio answered.

Sugawa threw him a weird look. –You drink black coffee alone? -

He shrudered. –Hinata got he into it. -

His sempai laughed. –That’s why you’re here? To visit him? Because the Hinata’s haven’t lived in that housed for years. -

-I know, - he answered, taking the mug. Sugawara sat down in a sofa, next to him and stared waiting for an explanation. –But I’m looking for him. -

-Looking for him? -

-You didn’t realize he disappeared? - Tobio asked doubtful. –Five years ago, all Hinata’s left without a trace. You didn’t knew? -

Suga nooded, astonished. –I did; he suddently stopped answering my textes. I didn’t knew anything, I thought he grew tired of me or something. I was surprised to see he didn’t reached Japan like you, but I assumed they decided he didn’t have what it took, or something. -

Thinking that possibility pissed Kageyama off. Of course Hinata had what it took.

-He changed his phone, and never attended the university we were supposed to go together. At first I thought the same that you, and I looked for him and didn’t find him, so I let it be. But now I decided to look again.-

-Why?-

-Because I can’t let go.-

Sugawara nodded, like he understood. –You really haven’t changed a thing, Kageyama.-

-I could say the same thing,- he smiled.

Sugawa stared surprised and then gave him one of his big smiles with closed eyes.

-Maybe I should do the same, - he said. –Look for Daichi and Asahi. -

-You haven’t seen them? - Tobio asked unsure.

-Never since graduation, - Suga explained. –I miss them a lot. -

Kageyama stared at him surprised. He has always assumed their three sempais had kept in touch. They seemed so close, so fond to each other, it seemed obvious to him.

-Not even Shimizu? -

Sugawara shook his head. –Unfortunatly, no.-

So it wasn’t only him the who felt like he lost everything of his High School life. It wasn’t only Kageyama the one who was left behind.

-True to be told, I always wanted to look for them. But I’ve been really scared of what I’d find. I don’t know what has made you start looking for Shoyou, but you made me realize I want to do it too. So I’ll look for my friends. -

He had a big smile. Tobio remembered they three together, discussing a strategy. He smiled too.

-And you’re going to look for Hinata. And once you find him, you’ll tell me and I’ll meet him too and scold him for disappearing like that. -

He paused to smile fondly.

-And then, we all are gonna meet. Tanaka, Nishinoya, Yachi, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi too. The whole Karasuno team,-

-We are all gonna meet.-

It seemed like an impossible dream. Something too good to be true, a beautiful future he didn’t dare to imagine because he alredy knew what happened when you dream too much.

Kageyama wanted to ask him what happened.  
How did his life go. Why did he never saw his friends again. Why did he took so much time studying when Sugawara was the guy who got even better notes than Tsukishima.  
He felt curiosity grow inside him, wondering about everything that his sempai had gone through.

But it didn’t felt like the right moment.

Sugawara said it. Once they find everyone. Once they meet again.  
He would ask then. And maybe he would tell his story too.

-Sure,- Kageayam said anyways – That sounds good.-

 

***********

Kageyama didn’t really know what to do next.

He did’t wanted to burden Sugawara-san more and although meeting his old sempai was in Kageyama’s to-do-list, he wasn’t called ‘Mister No Social Interactions’, (Oikawa, of course), for nothing. He knew, that at some point it would get uncomftarble because of Tobio’s inability to maintain a conversation, (Oikawa said that too), that’s why it was better to leave while they had a good memory.  
He made sure to exchange phone number with him, just to make sure to see each other again.

Besides, he had a feeling that maybe, walking through the well known streets of   
Miyagi would refresh his memory and hopefully add some new ideas to where to look.

So Kageyama left with a renewed hope and the feeling that everything was going to be alright.

What he hadn’t thought is, that Tobio didn’t really want to refresh his memory.   
He found himself avoiding any street that could remind him of going back home with Hinata at his side, any park where they met to train on weekends and vacations or any place with a sport store in a radious of 20 square meters.

He didn’t get really far with it, and before he could realize he was already lost.

He’d left Sugawara’s home after having lunch with him, but it was already afternoon and Tobio was getting hungry. His stomach craved from some familiar pork buns but his heart hurt with just the thought of having no one to steal him buns.

Without anything to do, Kageyama walked. He turned his mind off, and walked.   
One of the things he liked about volleyball is that he could stop thinking while he played, stop focusing on the life that was outside the court and just focus on the game. And maybe because of focusing so much in Voleyball as he grew up that he had the ability to stop thinking, and just let casual, unmeaningful thoughts wander in his mind.

He didn’t realize when the unkwonwn streets became those he was familiar with, and how did he end up traveling the way he used to do to reach home.

But when he was passing through Sakanoshita store, an eighteen-year-old boy trapped in that adult body, he stopped.  
Tobio stared at it, like he waited for something to happen.

And then he entered.

The bell next to the door ringed when he opened it, and an unknown middle aged woman welcomed him. She had dark brown hair, tied up in a rodete at the top of her head. Small round glasses felt from the bridge of her nose and she threw him a look a teenarger in her summer job would give.

Kageyama walked to the counter, uncomftarble –Is here…, Ukai Kenshin?-

She threw him a weird look grabbed her phone. –He’s at Karasuno, training the volleyball boys. Who asks?-

When she lifted her gaze, waiting for an answer, Kageyama was already gone.

He was already down the little hill when realization hit him and Tobio stopped suddently.  
Ukai was at Karasuno. There was no way Kageyama was going to Karasuno.

Not alone. Not without Hinata. Or without Suga, Tsukishima, Yachi, Yamaguchi or any of their former team members. Even the kouhais he barely remembered their names now.

But maybe, just maybe, Ukai knew something about Hinata. Maybe they had seen each other.  
Or perhaps he could ask the school for any contact, but there were very few chances they’d give it to him (stupid ‘privacy policy’).

It didn’t matter now. He would definitely find Hinata.

But there was no way Kageyama was setting a foot in Karasuno.

*********

He ended up going to Karasuno.

Tobio wished to walk with a band tyed up in his head, covering his eyes, to avoid seeing that building he was so familiar with now, and all the memories he had of the place that would fluir in his mind like a river.

The gates were open, and students were walking out, some entering, or staying in groups at the door just hanging around. The cherry trees hadn’s bloomed yet, but Tobio remembered the way they fell over his head the first day of school, almost eight years ago. 

Kageyama isn’t one to look at such things, but for some reason he had thought the cherry blossoms were truly beautiful. Yachi said once that many girls attended Karasuno because of them.

That was the day he’d encountered Hinata once more. Tobio looked at the sky, while walking. They had changed a lot since that day.

He rememberes when Shoyou was to him nothing more than a nuistance, another member of his new volleyball team who didn’t even deserved to be tossed to. In his defence, the guy was really sloppy.

He also remembers how pissed off Hinata made him. But no matter how much he yelled at him all the time and always got angry with him around, the little orange-haired weirdo stayed around him, even if it was for tossed or just what it seemed to piss him off even more. And it wasn’t like Hinata didn’t fear him, because he could tell the boy did.

To this day, he still wasn’t able to tell how he managed to become friends with someone like Shoyou.

Kaageyama didn’t realized he was walking the path to the gym until another man, a teacher it seemed, stopped him. And he didn’t realized he was another High Schooler until the man asked, -Can I help you sir?-.

Tobio blincked a few times, confused. -What are you looking for in the instalaciones sir?-

Realization hit him hard.  
He was a grown man, walking around a High School alone. That could be easily misinterpreted. But what it was worst, is that the little orange weirdo was no longer around him.  
How was he supposed to walk around in Karasuno when everything made him feel eight years younger? And he didn’t even want to start playing attention to that nostalgia feeling at the bottim of his stomach because once he got there he would be so overwhelmed by feeling, Tobio suspected he’d end up running, away from there.

-Y-Yeah, I…Sorry, I was a student here…- he tried to explain himself. –I wasn’t thinking… I was walking to the gyms…-

The teacher didn’t seem convinced. –Adults can’t walk around here on their own, you know,- he said a little pissed. –You have to go talk with the vice principal, and ask him por permission.-

-Sure,- he answered.

-I’ll show the way, - the man decided and started walking toward the building.

Kageyama thought of telling him that he already knew the way, but something told him that the teacher wouldn’t care.

They walked together in slow pace, and Kageyama was glad of his poor social life besides the gymnasium, because he didn’t have to worry about painful memories as he walked through the halls, and the classroom.

Tobio realized he didn’t recognize the teacher, and the man didn’t seem to remember him, so he probably had never had him in any classes. On the other side if he tried to recall, Tobio couldn’t remember the faces of any of his teachers, so…

They arrived to their destinations and the man mumbled a plain goodbye before walking away. Kageyama knocked the door and waited a few seconds until a tired voice told him to come in.

Would the vice principal recognize him? Probably not… He used to like him, when having him in the voleiball team meant medals and recognition for the school. But Kageyama and Hinata had caused him many problems too, from silly fights that went too far to horrible marks on tournament’s peroids.   
And they had blown his toupee fourteen times in total, Tobio had them counted.

The first thing Kageyama noticed upong entering was that the vice principal was no longer wearing that stupid topee of his. He was The small amount of hair he still had was now white and grey, and his face was full of wrinkles and those freckles old people had.

His eyes seemed to shine with recognition when he placed them in the boy’s face. –Kageyama Tobio?- he asked with a mix of doubt, surprise and, was that happiness?

-Yes,- he answered, before adding an uncomftarble, -Sir.-

-I can’t believe you’re here! Our poridigy setter! I’ve seen you on Tv, and a woman came here to interview me once because of you!- he stood up from his chair and started walking towards him. –Took you long to come back!-

Kageyama didn’t know what to do. Thanksfully, the vice principal covered his silence with chattering. –What brings you here? Wait, say nothing. You’ve come to see the school right? Of course, to revive old memories!-

“Nothing more far than that,” he thought.

He went to the door and walked outside. Tobio followed him.

-I’ll show you around, I simply cannot let the opportunity to meet once again with one of the geniouses that brought the Karasuno Voleyball team back to life!-

The words, ‘on of the geniouses’ lingered in Kageyama’s mind for a few seconds. Was it possible that Hinata had visited Karasuno once?

-About that, - he spoke. – Has anyone else came back? My old teammates, I mean.-

The question caught him surprised. –Of course they have!- he said exited.

Kageyama’s hope rised like a toss saved by Nishinoya.

-The captain… Sawamura Daichi, it was, visited us a few times. This guy… Tanaka Ryonusuke! Likes to watch volleyball practices, and chat with Ukai-san pretty often too. Oh, and I think one of your kouhais came once, but I didn’t really remember them.-

Kageyama didn’t payed him much attention. Of fucking course, there was no way Hinata would leave it that easy for him. Why did the boy have to be such a..., such a…, a fricking mistery!

The vice principal seemed determinated to make Kageyama have a good time, or something like that. He walked him to the place trofees were showed, to show him those he’d won, and he told him the story of the new ones. There was a huge picture of Kageyama, next of a newspaper article about Tobio being recluted to play for the national team.   
At the bpttom, there was that big picue the whole team took in his first year, and he made his best to try and not to look at it.

The vice principal also told him about the next generations. Since they graduated, Karasuno went to nationals four times more, and it seemed that three years ago they even won. Kageyama was a little amazed by this,

When Tobio expressed his will to go see Ukai, the vice principal excused himself and wished him luck. As he continued his way alone, he wondered how differents the new team that got formed had been. Had they had another pordigi, a great setter like himself, or maybe someone like Noya-san? Was there another small kid who wished to walk over Hinata’s and The Little Giant’s steps? 

Had they made such close bonds as the one he shared with Shoyou? Had they formed a close unstoppable team that was determined to win? Did they play by the sames stile? Most schools had the same way of doing stuff because the trainers remained the same… Had Ukai followed the steps they’d done once again?

Kageyama also wondered if they had been able to keep those bonds they formed once they graduated, or like him or Suga san the just lost them. Maybe they didn’t even care that much about it.

And Ukai-san, at first he was just a temporary coach to train them until Nekoma’s match, and then he’d decided to stay after seeing the team What made him stay even more? And how had it been, to see all these different teams and relationships go and go and play and fight to win and fight with each uf team, just to see them win or lose, with the same unavoidable end that meant goodbye?

Kageyama was sure he wouldn’t be able to do that.

He looked up. In front of him were the door that lead to that well known gym. Once he opened them, he could not close it. The memories, the nostalgia, the sweat and tears spilled.   
That was a door he would never be able to close.

-Kageyama-kun?- a voice called behind him, before he could do anything. He turned around to find an older Takeda-sensei staring at him in awe. His glassed fell on the bridge of his nose and they were twisted, like always. –It is, Kageyama-kun! I can’t believe it, how are you?-

A small smile appeared on Tobio’s face. –Everything’s fine, sensei, It’s nice to see you.-

He looked at him like he was a ghost. –I should say that! The last time I saw you you were in a tv screen playing Voleyball against China, and here you are now!-

He patted him on the shoulder, and walked towards the entrance. –Were you going to enter?-

-Yeah I was just about to.-

Takeda-sensei smiled, cringles that Kageyama didn’t remember formed next to his eyes, and then turned to open the gym door. The noise of spikes and voley balls hitting the floor, teenagers moving and yelling, and the weird ‘squick’, their shoes made against the wooden floor surrounded him.  
Tobio stared in awe at the moving boys, constantly jumping to spike and block, or those who worked on the receives like the libero. the ball in the air, moving from side to side.   
Somewhere, Ukai’s well known deep voice yelled something, and Kageyama found himself eight years back in time being just a boy playing in a ports club.

-Ukai-san!- Takeda yelled, and Kageyama turned to his side at the same time his old coach did.

They stared at each other like the time had just froze, and in front of them was nothing more than a memory from another time.

“So much has happened,” Kageyama thought with a knot in his throath.

-Kageyama- Ukai said incredulous. –What the fuck are you doing here?!-

Tobio got surprided with the sudden question, and Takeda flinched next to him. –Don’t be so rude, Ukai-san!- he yelled at him.

-Ahh, sorry, sorry, that came off rougher than intended.- Kenshin laughed it off, walking closer to greet Tobio. –It’s just that, It’s really unexpected to see you here.-

Kageyama agreed. If it was for him, he’d try to never go back to that gym fulled with too sweet memories he couldn’t get back.   
He wondered if some day, when he wouldn’t be able to play anymore, he’d feel the same with the Metropolitan Gymnasium back in Tokyo.

-I’m looking for Hinata,- he explained, and both Ukai and Takeda looked at him surprised.

-Shoyou?!- Kenshin asked. –What happened with him?-

-Dunno,- Kageyama answered. His former sensei’s looked like they were waiting for a better explanation, and he tried his best to talk without showing how much it hurt him. –I’ve never seen him since graduation.-

-Really?- Takeda couldn’t believe it,- You were really close!-

A small blush spread on the boy’s face and turned his face trying to hide it. –Yeah but he kind off disappeared.-

-Weren’t you going to attend the same college?- Ukai asked. –My memory isn’t perfect, but I think Hinata was really looking forward to it.-

-Well, he never appered,- he answered a little bitter.

Silence spread between them, and only the sound of the volleyball hitting the floor could be heard. Kageyama turned to the side, to watch the teenagers play. Maybe because he was an adut now and the level he’d to deal was way higher, but he couldn’t help but note the mistakes the boys made inmediatly. Some were cheering, yealling with happy faces and grins.   
There was one goy being extra loud and Tobio couldn’t help but to think of Tanaka.

-What made you think you couldn find him here?- Ukai brought his attention back to the conversation.

Tobio laughed softly. –True to be told, I have no clues where that guy went. The Hinata’s even moved out from their house back in the mountains, so it’s like everyone left in a trace of dust. I thought that maybe, you-

He was interrupted in the middle of the question by a boy. –Did you say the Hinata’s?- he asked, and Tobio was so curious about what he could say that the interruption didn’t even bother him.

He nodded.

-There was a girl, Hinata Natsu, she was friends with my sister. You say you were looking for her?-

Kageyama nodded furiously.

-I think she was her number, I could ask it for her,- he said. –Though, what does a grown man want to do with a high school girl?-

So Natsu was already in High School. Tobio wasn’t able to try imagine her in a sailor uniform.

-Kageyama attended Karasuno with Natsu’s brother,- Takeda explained for him. –They played volleyball together, and now he’s trying to meet him again.-

-Oh!- the boy seemed exited.- That sounds nice! I’ll ask my sister for it!-

The guy ran to the benches, took a mobile phone from a bag. After tickling for a few seconds, he put it back in and ran back to them. –I’ll pass it to you when she answears me!-

-May I ask why do you have you phone in my gym?- Ukai scolded him.

The boy laughed. –I just knew this guy here would need my help!- he smiled. –How did you say your name was?-

-Kageyama Tobio, - he answered.

-Exactly! Kageyama needed my- Wait! Kageyama?! You have the same name of that setter in Japan!!- he said surprised.

Tobio blushed, and Ukai laugher loudly. There was a gasp heard in the court, where the team seemed to have stopped playing to pay attention to the conversation the four were having.

-He doesn’t have the same name Keita!- another boy at the back yelled. –He is the guy!-

-What?!-

Ukai and Takeda laughed louder, and Kageyama wanted to hide in a hole.

He didn’t do well with fame.

************

 

At the end, the actual Karasuno team with Ukai forced him to stay and watch. He was told to give some advices to the boys, but most of the times they were things way too complicated, and now matter how many ‘gwaahs’ and ‘fiunghs’ he used they didn’t seem to get it. Half of the guys were scared of him, and other half, like Keita, followed him around like ducklings to her mother duck.

At some point he was asked to toss them around, and Kageyama accepted pleased.

It was a little hard to keep the memories at edge.

Keita’s sister had answered him by the end of practice, so the boy gave him the contact. The teenagers left to change in the club room, and Kageyama said goodbye to Ukai and Kenshin before leaving.

Tobio was ath the door of the school when he realized what just had happened.

He had Natsu’s phone number. He had an actual contact to a Hinata, a really important trace to his friend. He could call her, and ask for his brother, and then he could call Hinata.

He was going to see him again. He was going to meet him once more.   
How did Hinata look now? It had been a little bit shocking to meet so many people of his past again. Tsukishima, Yamaguchi, Yachi, Suga, Ukai, Takeda or the vice principal.

In just two weeks, Kageyama’s life had changed so much. Just fourteen days. It felt like a year, it felt like a whole life.

And now, the name Hinata Shoyou would be added to that list.

Tobio waited until he’d left the building (you know, appearences) to run like the fucking devil was chasing him to the nearest phone boot he could find. He realized he hadn’t got any change, so he ran two block back to a kiosk he’d seen and bought a cereal bar, to run back to the booth two seconds after.  
As he chewed violently on the bar (what could he do, Kageyama was a nervous eater), he entered the digits as fast as he could.

One Beep. Two Beeps. The sound of himself chewing. Another Beep.

-Hello?- a voice he didn’t know at all answered, but Tobio couldn’t help but feel a familiar tringle at it.

-Hinata Natsu?- he asked.

-Yes, who’s speaking?-

He took a breath before answering, gulping what food was left in his mouth. His chest rose up and down fastly, still tired from the jog.  
–Kageyama Tobio. It’s Kageyama Tobio.-

Not even a second passed before she hung up. 

He stood there, shook, and stared at the phone not being able to believe it.

What the fuck? Had she just hang up to him?

Kageyama put on the number in the machine once more, but when he pressed the phone to his ear only the beeping of a waiting line could be heard.   
He called once again. And again. And a fourth time. But no one answered.

He had no more coins.

Natsu had been there. He’d talked to her, he’d hear her teenager voice and how mature she now sounded. And when she found out he was Kageyama, she hung up.

-What the fuck?!- he yelled.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here we are! The story's about to end, although in this chapter everything closes up, I'll add one more. Hope you like the way I finish things up.   
> Sometimes, when refering to High School Hinata, I wasn't sure if I shoulg use female pronouns or male, but well, it turned out the way it turned out.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!!

Yachi thought her days of being surrounded by intimidating big and tall volleyball players had come to an end with her teenage years, but curse her luck she had been wrong.  
Now, intimidating, gown voleyballplayers surrounded her, even taller than before, even bigger than before, and even scarier than before.

She wished Shimizu could be there with her.

-So, - Oikawa Tooru spoke, trying to address the issue. – What the fuck happened with Hinata Shoyou?-

Iwaizumi elbowed him in the stomach. He could have addressed the subject with more tact, he admites to himself. But Kageyama was missing and he had no idea what was going on. Tooru didn’t like not knowing what is going on.

They were in the cuople’s apartment, sitting in their living room. Oikawa had called her, saying he’d found something related with Kageyama’s disappearence and asking her to come. Hitoka was surprised to meet Akashi Keiji and Bokuto Koutarou once again after all the years.   
The girl had also extended the invitation to her best friend, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi, hoping they could all solve it out together.

 

Yachi threw him an uneasy look. –It’s not my place to tell. But- she started, throwing a look to Tsukishima before lowering her gaze again. –Things got way too complicated because of keeping secrets. So I will tell.-

It’s been two days since her discussion with Tsukishima and Yamaguchi, and even when his best friend promised everything would be okay between them, it wasn’t. Yachi wanted to say it wasn’t her fault, she was just following Hinata’s wish, but after the way Kei had looked at her she felt unable to.  
She just hopen they’d be able to get along as they used to at the end.

She’d never imagine the way her friends had suffered because of Hinata’s actions, and beyond the fact that she could’ve avoided it, it burned her soul the fact that while they were in pain she never had to experience losing her best friend.

It wasn’t Hinata’s fault either, and if someone in this room tried to blame her for something Yachi would kick their ass.   
Or something like that.

She also felt bad for telling a story that was not hers to tell, but all of these people had missed Hinata for a long time.  
“Most of them at least,” she though looking at Oikawa Tooru and Iwaizumi Hajime. 

-After finishing High School, Hinata Shoyou moved out and distanced himself of everyone around him to start his transition to female. She is Hinata Shizuku now.-

She waited a few seconds to say.

-That is all I’m going to say about that.-

-Did Kageyama know?- Akaashi Keiji asked. –The reason he suddently left, is because he found out…-

-Oh, no, fucking no- Yachi interrupted her. –Kageyama’s not, I mean, I don’t think Kageyama is that type of person.-

-Tobio isn’t a transphobe,- Oikawa said seriours. 

Yachi looked down. 

-He left to look for Hinata,- Tsukishima explained. –At least, that’s what he told us.-

-But Hinata’s right here!- Bokuto complained.

-Well, Tobio didn’t know that.- Tsukishima answeared with too much anger.

Yamaguchi threw him a look. –Tsukki…-

-And where’s Hinata now?- Iwaizumi asked.

-I… don’t know.- Yachi answered embarrassed. –I think, s-she left too. To look for him.-

-So they’re going to meet! And fix everything!- Bokuto said hopefully.

-Well, I hope,- the girl answered.

Yamaguchi placed his hand over hers, and looked at her with a sad smile. Yachi gulped, trying not to cry.  
How did everything turn out so bad?

-Hope isn’t going to do- Keiji said. They all threw him a confused look.

-What do you mean?-

-What he means, is that we aren’t leaving the job to those two,- Oikawa agreed. –It’s Hinata and Kageyama who we’re talking about here. Remember how dumb those guys are? And I don’t know if Shrimpy-chan changed with the years, but from how everything turned out I’m pretty sure we can’t trust her.-

-So what do we do?- Yachi asked.

Oikawa stood up, placing a hand on his hip- We’re going to Miyagi, of course!-

******

 

Tobio never thought he’d hate the silence.

Not absolute silence.   
Just the quiet of the gym all those days he stayed late to practice, later than any other of his teammates (back in middle school, when Hinata wasn’t there). The way he could close his eyes, and forget about everything but his serve. The way he could hear the sound the ball made when hitting the floor, and he even became able to distinguish the strength of the serve with just hearing it (even if it was an ability that would never be useful in a match).

The peace of loneliness.

He never though he’d hate loneliness.

The day he took the ride back to Tokyo, after searching for Hinata for the first time, and failing, was the worst day of his life.

Worse than any game lost, than any losing streak he ever had, when all of his tosses seemed to be wrong, worse even than losing to Oikawa.

Even when surrounded by people, by the noises of the city, by the talking, and the cars, and the train passing over it’s tracks, everything, everything was just silence to him.  
Plain silence. Ausence of noise. 

He hadn’t lost the ability to hear.  
He answered when people talked to him. He took notice of his surroundings. He wasn’t even distracted.

But everything seemed so far, so distant. His mind didn’t even recall the words of others, not truly, and he just answered out of impulse.

He was disconnected.

And it didn’t end that day.  
It lasted five years.   
He went to practice feeling like that, he played feeling like that, he won feeling like that.

He couldn’t even truly hear the ball hitting the wodden floor. Or his teammates cheers.  
He couldn’t even see their faces.

And at night, he cried.

It was all Hinata’s fault.  
Hinata, he had always been noise, annoying, insistent noise that never disappeared.

But it disappeared. And Kageyama wasn’t ready to face the silence again.

He doesn’t even remember how it all ended. How, one day, noise came back to life.  
How he started cheering winning a match.

Kageyama stared at the white ceiling with hollow.

Would it become like that again? Would this ride home become his new worst day?

He could feel the tears startng to form at the corner of his eyes, but he blinked furiously to make them go. He was such a crybaby.

He was in a hotel room, in the center of Miyagi. Renting it for one day seemed the best option, since he probably wasn’t finding another nice former sempai that’d let him stay the night.  
Suga wouldn’t say no if he asked to stay anoher night, but he didn’t feel like taking advantage of him.

He’d called Hinata Natsu forty-five times in total. She had answered a total of zero times.

At first, Kageyama was determined to call until she got tired of him and picked up the phone. He’d force her to pay attention to him, to al least accept to meet him, and then talk about Hinata.  
He was so close now, giving up wasn’t an option.

But then, his dumb mind realized something.

Natsu not answering him, it had a reason.  
The Hinata’s moving out, changing their phone number, disappearing without looking behind to never come back.  
Forget them all, forget everything.

What if Hinata didn’t want to see him? No, not ‘what if’. Hinata didn’t want to see him.

Hinata Shoyou, the man he loved, didn’t want to see him.

Of course he didn’t. Who would want someone like Kageyama close? An antisocial, self-centred, tyrannical asshole, narcissist and weird.  
And fucking gay, with a fucking big crush on you he couldn’t even hide

Tobio bit his lip to stop the tears.

Of course Hinata left! Of course he didn’t want to see him!

He probably ran away trying to distance himself from that stupid boy that was obsessed with him on High School, and now that damn guy was so creep he was looking for him once again.

Tobio took a big breath, and let out a sight.

No, Hinata wasn’t like that. Hina-, Shoyou wasn’t that kind of person.  
He wasn’t sure if he said it to affirmate it, or to reassure himself.

But still, Natsu wasn’t answering.  
Kageyama turned slightly to the left on the mattress. The hotel room’s phone was lying right there, ready to be used. Still, He couldn’t bring himself to pick it up and make the call one more time.

Just to hear that damn beeping sound? Waiting for a voice that wouldn’t appear? No, thant you.

Should he call Oikawa? He hadn’t thought about his friends when he decided to leave, were they worried about him?  
Kageyama was an ass.

He was about to pick the thing up when it started ringing. Who could be calling? No one knew this number. He’d used the line to call Natsu a few times, but…  
Tobio lifted himself in a jump from the surprise.

Natsu, Natsu was calling! He stared at the machile breathless, as it ringed loudly. It was Natsu, right? It had to be her. It couldn’t be no one else.

He grabbed the phone, and stared at it for a few seconds. The ringing had stopped. His hand trembled from the jitters. He slowly placed it next to his ear, waiting.

-Kageyama Tobio?- the same voice he’d heard yesterday spoke.

-Yes!- he almost yelled.

He heard the girl flinch from the other side of the line. –It’s Hinata Natsu.

-I know,- he answered, trying to sound calm. His heart was beating as fast as it did on a match. Or maybe ever faster.

-You want to meet Hinata.- She said. It was more a statement than a question, but Kageyama answered anyway.

-I do.-

-He’s in Miyagi.

Tobio’s breath was taken from his chest. Hinata Shoyou was in the same city as he was. He was, he was-

-Do you want me to give you his address? Grab something to write into.

He hadn’t got anything to write into, this was a fucking hotel room and he didn’t have paper or a pen, he didn’t have anything to write into, anything, something-

-Ready? It’s the FF building, between GG Avenue and CC Street.

FF bulding, GG Avenue, CC Street. FF bulding, GG Avenue, CC Street. FF bulding, GG Avenue, CC Street. FF bulding, GG Avenue, CC Street.

Kageyama knew that street. There used to be a Sport Item’s shop there, and he’d visited it with Hinata hundred times. That dumbass had been crushed when it closed, and even though Tobio didn’t want to admit it he’d also been a little bit hurt.

He managed to say, -Thank you,- before hanging up. He picked his shoes, putting them on without even tiying the shoelaces, and ran to the door.

FF bulding, GG Avenue, CC Street. FF bulding, GG Avenue, CC Street. FF bulding, GG Avenue, CC Street. FF bulding, GG Avenue, CC Street.

Hinata Shoyou. Orange-red hair, and a warm smile. A small body full of energy. A boy who dreamed werid things.

FF bulding, GG Avenue, CC Street. FF bulding, GG Avenue, CC Street. FF bulding, GG Avenue, CC Street. FF bulding, GG Avenue, CC Street.

The love of his life. His first love, his teenage crush, his first friend. His volleyball partner. His teammate.

FF bulding, GG Avenue, CC Street. FF bulding, GG Avenue, CC Street. FF bulding, GG Avenue, CC Street. FF bulding, GG Avenue, CC Street.

How much was it left? Two blocks, just two blocks until Hinata.   
How was him now? Had he become taller? Did he cut his hair? Had he a beard?

Hinata Shoyou, Hinata Shoyou, Hinata Shoyou. FF bulding, GG Avenue, CC Street, and Hinata Shoyou.

He turned to the left.   
There was a woman walking with some grocery bags, and a guy walking his dogs. A shop door opened and a mother with his son left. FF building was standing there, a big sign on the front that had ‘Rooms Avaible’ written on it.  
And in front of it, there was a waiting silhouette, with short orange hair.

Before he could realize Kageyama was already running.

He had to stop dead in his tracks in front of him to avoind knocking him out. Tobio paced his hand on the guy’s shoulder, and he tourned around.  
Big orange eyes stared at him.

-Kageyama…- Hinata Shoyou, The Hinata Shoyou said softly. And then he smiled. Oh god, he smiled. Tobio had missed that smile so much.

He felt like crying. Hinata’s face hadn’t changed much. His hair was shorter, and his face was way more feminine than he remembered. His orange eyes shined as they used to do. His cheeks and small nose were red from the cold air. He looked a little bit more mature. And was he taller?  
Not much, though, but he was surely taller. Kageyama had grown too, and more than the guy, so the height difference hadn’t changed at all.

Shizuku was taller, but she always worn heels. Why was he comparing him to her? Now that he saw Sohoyu once again, the similarity was undeniable.

He was about to hug him, when realization stroked him like a lighting.

-Shizuku?- he asked. It coldn’t be, but… 

Panic filled Hinata’s face. He opened and closed his mouth to speak a few times, but no sound came out. Kageyama watched confused.

-You’re Shizuku,- he said, with more determination this time.

Hinata let out a painful whine, he started crying.  
He bended over himself, covering his face, as his body trembled, and started mumbling something Kageyama couldn’t hear.

He stared, shocked, not being able believe how stupid he’d been. How could he’ve not seen it? 

Shizuku’s warm smile, Shizuku’s cheerful attitude. She played as a spiker and could fly. She called him Bakayama and broke his heart.  
All her sad smiles had sence now.

Tobio threw himself over the little boy, no, little girl’s body, hugging her tightly. “I’m sorry”, that’s what she had been mumbling all that time.

-Hinata, it’s okay,- he called her, but the girl didn’t stop shaking in his arms.

-I’m sorry, I’m sorry- she kept repeating.

Tobio grabbed her wrists with one hand, trying to make her look at him, other arm still wrapped around her back tightly.

-Hinata, please, it’s okay. Look at me, Hinata.- His voice broke as he begged. –Please.

If she didn’t stopped crying, he felt like he wound start doing it too.

-Shizuku,- he called.

She lifted her head, big orange eyes filld with surprise and fear.

Voleyball partner, best friend, love of his life. Everything Kageyama wanted, everything he needed.  
He placed his forehed over hers, and cupped her cute face with both his hands.

-I missed you.- Kageyama choked. Tears started to fall down his tears. –I missed you so much.

-Kageyama,- she cried too. –I’m sorry for lying to you, I’m sorry for deceiving you and I’m, I’m…-

-Shut up, dumbass. I’ve missed you so much, you can’t imagine how life was without you.

Hinata gasped, surprised. Kageyama let go of her face, to hug her tightly.

-Don’t ever leave me again, ever. You can’t.

-Aren’t you mad?- she asked doubtful.

-Of course I am!- Tobio yelled breacking away from the embrace. –How could you leave! I didn’t even knew what happened to you, you just disappeared! Dumbass!

-I didn’t knew, I wasn’t sure what you’d think of me! I was afraid.

Kageyama groaned. Was thir girl serious? Did she think in her stupid mind that Kageyama could in any way not like her? Kageyama, not liking Hinata?  
In what universe!

-And you even pretended not to know me, all this time. Are you stupid?

-Hey!- she complained –What could I do! I was afraid, I was afraid you’d hate me! Bakayama! Baka, bakayama!

Tobio ruffled her hair. –Are you stupid? How could I hate you?

-But, but not everyone…

-I’m not everyone.- he said.

Hinata looked at him with a surprise, and a slight blush covering her cheeks.

-I’m not everyone,- he repeated. –I love you.-

She blushed. –What?- she asked incredulous.

-I fucking loved you, dumbass, and I still do. Did you get deaf? You’re the fucking love of my life.

She chucked, as a big blush covered her cheeks. -Kageyama, you shouldn’t use ‘fuck’ in your confession.

-Shut the fuck up.

Hnata smiled. And then she bursted out laughing. Warm, old nice laugh. Kageyama’s favorite sound in the universe.  
And then, it hit him. The fact that Hinata was right there, in front of him. Back with him.

Tobio chocked. Tears started falling once again from his eyes, harder than they ever had before. No more nightmares, no more nostalgia or melancholy, no more loneliness and sadness and pain. No more silence.

-Kageyama,- the girl mumbled in front of him.

Tobio tried to clean the tears from his face, but they kept coming nonstop. He must look like a compete idiot. –I missed your laugh,- he tried to explain himself. –I missed it, I missed it so much.

Sizuku’s small body hugged his chest. -I’m sorry,- she choked, starting to cry too. –I shouldn’t have left like that.-

-Don’t apologize, dumbass.

Kagyama buried his snot filled, teary face into her hair. It smelled like Kageyama rememberes it used to, in their High School years, plain conditioner and swet. It was also as soft as it used to, and the curles tickled Tobio’s face the same way they used to when he fell asleep in his shoulder.

-Just, don’t leave again. Ever.

-How could I,- she asked with a warm smile. -You make me invincible.-

***********

-Oi Tobio-chan? Guess what? You surpassed Bokuto as the most stupid guy in the team!- Oikawa Tooru yelled from the train station.

-Hey!-

Kageyama stared at the group shoked. His best friends, Oikawa, Bokuto, Akasshi and Iwaizumi, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi, and Yachi Hitoka were waiting for them. The girl started running towars Hinata and him, and lauched forward her in a big hug.

-I was so worried! I didn’t know what would happen!-

-Everything’s okay,- Shizuku said with a smile.

-How could you not realize she was Hinata?- Oikawa teased him- I know you are dumb but god Kageyama.-

-Shut up,- he blushed. –You didn’t realize too.-

-Yeah, but I wasn’t not the one dating her.-

-Hinata!- Bokuto called stepping forward. The girl lifted her head from Yachi’s shoulder, and her eyes shone with exitment when she saw the guy.

-Sensei!- she yelled, and separated ffrom the embrace to run towars him. Both Akaashi and Bokuto hugged her.

-It’s been so long! I have tons of new secret technics to teach you! Do you still play Voleyball?- Bokuto yelled exited.

-Of course!- she yelled back. –I’m looking forward to it.

Akaashi ruffled her hair. –It’s been a while,- he smiled. Hinata smiled back.

-Are you two together at least?- she asked.

A big blush appeared in both their faces, Akaashi hid himself in the palms of his hands, while Bokuto started blabbering. –Whaat? W-Whaat? I mean, whaat? Me and Akaashi? Together? Where did you get that from? I mean, Whaat?-

Shizuku frowned. –From your crushes in High School?

Bokuto turned to look at Akashi’s eyes, shoked. The other man lifted his face slowly from his hands, surprised too.

-High School…-

-Crush?-

-Well look at that!- Oikawa exclaimed. –Five minutes in the group and she already solved the Akaashi-Bokuto problem! Hey Kageyama, I like your new girlfriend.-

They both choked. –She’s not, I mean, not yet, no, we aren’t…-

Oikawa started laughing.

-Not yet huh? You dog!-

-Oi Hinata,- Yamaguchi’s voice interrupted them. –You’re not greeting us?-

A big grin appeared on her face. –On my way!- she yelled. Something stopped her from the rush, though, as she turned around suddently, and looked at Kageyama one last time. She spoke, and with a soft smile in her face, and then turned around to greet her old friends.

-Oi, Kageyama. I love you too.- He smiled.

It was loud, with Oikawa’s laughter, and Iwaizumi arguing with him. Bokuto and Akaashi had stopped staring dumbstruck at each other and were now laughing softly while talking. Yachi had walked to Kei, Tadashi and Shizuku and was now smiling at ther re-encounter.

There was no silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some headcanons:
> 
> *When Kageyama realized he'd kissed Hinata, (that day at her apartment), he was so embarrassed he couldn't talk to her for three days.  
> *They are, totally, the most shy coulpe there is in this universe.  
> *Bokuaka for the soul.  
> *Tsukishima totally cried when he saw Hinata. Yamaguchi helped covering it.  
> *Hibarida Yuki (In case you don't remember, that's the boy's trainer) almost had a heart attack when he heard both Oikawa and Bokuto were now gone.
> 
> Hope you liked it!


	14. Chapter 14

Kageyama loved dreaming.

Shizuku always told him how weird he was. And Oikawa agreed in the fact, that he was the only person he’d ever knew to dream of the past.  
Tobio found it better than not dreaming at all, even when sometimes the past hurt.

But lately, dreams weren’t scary at all. He could live his dates with Hinata over and over, the afternoons they spent playing volleyball in the park, reviving the day they met their old Karasuno team again.  
It wasn’t sweet when he dreamt of that fight they had last week, but still.

The best part of it was waking up, and seeing Hinata sleeping right there, next to him.

-Kageyama,- the little girl lifted her head from his chest. Her eyes were shining with exitment even when they’d just woken up, and her orange hair was al ruffled from sleeping. –You won’t believe what I dreamed.

-What?- he groaned, still sleepy. Hinata hugged him tightly, and Tobio moved his hand to her head, combing her head with his fingers.

-You and your team were playing in the WorldCup, and you were losing, so I entered! And turned the scored around!

-Sounds nice.

-Yes! It was! Do you think we can do it? With my short hair, maybe I can pass out for a boy!

-Shut up, Dumbass, you look like a girl. –Kageyama answered. 

He could feel her smile on his chest. –You say nice things from time to time, Bakayama.

-Shut up, Dumbass.

She giggled softly. Kageyama kept combing her soft curls. – I liked how you loked with long hair,- he mumbled. –Why did you cut it Dumbass?

She tensed up, and her hold softenes a little. Shizuku lifted herself a little bit, to meet his gaze. –I thought you liked me as a boy.

Her cheeks reddened, and she wore a pained look. –I know, I shouldn’t do such things, for, you know, l-love,- she gut flustered.- But I didn’t want to lose you.-

Kageyama’s heart throbbed. Lose him? How could Hinata be so stupid!  
He gabbed her and turned to the side, both bodies ramining together. The girl let out a little yelp, but Tobio didn’t let go. –Never do that again, Dumbass. 

She nodded in his chest, hugging him.

-And you’re letting your hair grow now.

-Eh?! But I like it short! It’s easy to take care. And Yachi said I looked cute.

-You always look cute,- Tobio corrected her, and felt a blush spread out in his face. –And we’re not arguing in this. Long hair.

-You can’t boss me around, Kageyama!- she complained jumping away from the embrace. –I’m a strong independent woman who won’t do what you tell me.

-Strong?- Kageyama asked with a smirk.

-What’s that supposed to mean asshole?

-It means you couldn’t even receive my jump serve, weakling. You’ve gotten softer with the years.

With that, Hinata jumped completely out of the bed. –That’s it, we’re having a competition. I’m going to make you eat your words.

-Sure that isn’t a dream?

Shizuku chocked, indignant. –You fucker – she cursed before running away from the room. She reappeared a few seconds after, volleyball in her hands.- If I win, you’re going to buy me pork buns! And begging forgiveness knelled down.

He smiled. –What if I win? You tell me your last name?-

She took out her tongue. –I’ll let my hair grow.

Kageyama left the bed in record time. –Go change yourself,- he screamed from the bathroom. –Meet you in the park. And we’re going to have to buy some new haibrushes.

-Oh you’ll see,- she answered with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked the story!!!!


End file.
